I want to believe, and I do believe that someday I will.
--Toni J.

Most of us have learned to have more faith in things than in relationships. We believe our tires will give us 30,000 miles, but have little faith our loved ones will provide such dependability. Too often, this is the attitude with which we approach our Higher Power.

When the program asks that we "come to believe," all the old tapes start playing: "You'd better not count on it" or "It's a nice idea, but it probably won't work for me."

But no one "comes to believe" all at once. Not fully. And the program doesn't require that. What it does require is putting one foot in front of the other and moving ever forward.

Recovery is a spiritual walk. As many of us start out, we scarcely believe that the sun will rise tomorrow. When we begin, we're full of hurt and desire - not wisdom and strength. Slowly is the only way we can go. Belief in ourselves, in our program, and in our Higher Power is not impossible, but it is rarely immediate. Instead, it grows slowly as we learn to trust.

Today, I pray for patience in the face of my own distrust.