The old line, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time" gets me through the "remember and release" painful periods. I cannot judge yesterdays actions with the expanded information I have today. As I remember and release, this line helps me to forgive my part of the situation. I can only sweep my side of the street. I didn’t get this way overnight and my healing will take awhile also. But I can forgive myself for today.
None of us wants to admit that we hate someone...When we deny our hate we detour around the crisis of forgiveness. We suppress our spite, make adjustments, and make believe we are too good to be hateful. But the truth is that we do not dare to risk admitting the hate we feel because we do not dare to risk forgiving the person we hate."
All the years you have waited for them to "make it up to you" and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get."
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I had a very good friend cut a wood lot for me and he didn't pay me. I'll have to get right to the point. And that is it ate me alive until we settled, which took about 5 years. There is a whole big story to this but the point is he screwed me and I hurt!! After we settled, he made big excuses. We both lost a friendship. I forgave him even asked him to do some work for me. It has never been the same. I forgave -- say hello wave etc.
What a relief for me. Just closure in the matter. It spilled milk. I know Istill lost a few grand on the deal, however i never stewed on it again. Gotta just forgive, forget Let it go.
In a deal right now that,s been haunting me a little. Just trying to turn it over and let God handle it for now.
Have a great sober 24 all
Gonna try to get the grandson up to fish. That,s another story. He's only six and can't get up on his own. He may be up. That's real hopeful on my part. The door may be locked and know one is up, that's a more likely guess. Gotta try he wants to go. We'll see what happens anyway, time for a coffee
Just my opinion Cheri--If its eating me alive, I think I hafta let go of it all.
And sometimes thats damned hard.
I just know that I cant change others--even tho I love them
I either accept them as they are, and what they are doing--or I dont.
If Im being used as a doormat, and not being treated with the same respect that others expect from my side-I hafta let it all go.
Unconditional love for another tells me that forgiveness is all part of love-but there are two sides to that also.
Or if one person is willing to change-and the other one doesnt think they need to change anything--I guess its denial on their part-and its another "Ive got to let it go"
Rick talks about how others have screwed him over, and Ive had it happen with people that I thought were real good freinds, but in reality--were only out for themselves.
My Gammy used to say-"Once screwed--twice shy" Could never figure that one out.
I do today.
Then theres trusting others to be responsible and own up to their parts. Some dont. And play the Blame game.
I gotta let it go.
And I agree with Rick--some of this crap can eat us alive, if we let it.
I just know one thing and Ive had to learn it here.
I hafta forgive others for me. I cannot change their actions and I cant change them. Ive got to let it go.
If I wish any serenity in my life--on a daily basis--I hafta love and detatch-and let it go.
Im a slow learner--I can beat myself up over stuff that isnt even mine.
I can try to fix things or change things that I cant fix or change.
And it was someone on here that taught me "I am responsible for my side of the street" I am not responsible for someone elses"
I dont know what your situation is Cheri--just sharing a bit from this side.
I just came out of a relationship where I have accepted responsibility for my part and it bugs my butt that the other person cant accept responsibility for theirs. I have forgiven them, and myself-- Ive had to let it go.-That doesnt mean that love stops--that just means I put that person in Gods hands, and get outa the mess for me, physically and emotionally and get on with living.
I gotta Let It Go'--All of it.
You guys have a great day-good to have you back Rick.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hey Guys, I've learmed that forgivness is more for me , than it is the other person. When I was a child I wouldn't forgive anyone...and there were many who hurt me, or so I thought.But a wise sponsor, taught me how to forgive and why I must.
There are many time I don't want to forgive someone, so I have to pray for the willingness to forgive. God, in His love for me, begins to work on my heart, to soften it and to make me feel the feelings and then He helps me see what action I need to take. Sometimes all I have to do is say to myself that I forgive them, other times I have to go to them and tell them I forgive them.
When I don't forgive my serenity suffers, my joy is gone , and I don't feel at peace...unforgiveness owns me, and I don't like that feeling.
Cheri, I will be praying for you, somrtimes we just have to feel our feelings until we move forward. That's okay, just don't stay there too long.
Hey folks, been tearing around like a chook with my head cut off....so much going on, so little time to do it all in.
Can't complain...a month ago I was feeling bored with life..Just gotta be careful with what I wish for today.
Forgiveness, has changed a lot for me over the years. When I first got sober I jumped at the opportunity to actively seek peace in relationships that had been somewhat 'contentious' for a long time. I have only ever wanted peace, and an opportunity to lose the hurt was very appealing to me. I sought out family members and told them I understood that they had offered me all they could with what they had available at the time and really looked forward to establishing new relationships, especially with some particular people.
My sponsor warned me...She said, no matter what you do, and whatever amends you make, don't ever slip back into denying a persons potential...good and bad.
Well, I did exactly that...slipped straight back into the basis of our disease - denial. I wanted them to see the good in me, so I just focussed on the good in them, and I thought that was forgiveness. It was only a matter of time before I bumped into reality and found myself aching to the core and wondering why the hell I had been so stoooopid!
So today, I forgive, but I don't forget. Everyone will always be provided with a chance to do better, but folks rarely get a chance to practice their nonsense on me again. Once someone shows me what they are capable of, I will encourage their goodness until I fall over trying, but I will no longer ignore their negative potential either.
Sometimes the only way for me to move on, is to accept the person is just plain selfish, greedy, caught up on themselves, or whatever. If I sat around trying to make any more sense out of it than that, I'd be throwing my time away, and I value that today. I accept we are all growing, changing and developing...someone who is greedy today, may not be greedy tomorrow. So I can forgive what happened on one day or in one particular situation...BUT I don't forget they have the potential to be greedy if I have to deal with them again. Denial has never done me any favours.
I also believe that if something repeats itself 3 times, I should have listened the first time. So if someone shits on me three times - that's it, I'll maintain courtesies, but that's all they'll get. And I don't do that with any resentment or nastiness... I just get on with things, refocus on the goodness around me and get into it. When we fill our time with other worthwhile things, there is less time for them to actually mess with us, and we are less likely to spend too much time thinking on 'festering hurts'. Today forgiveness really does just mean filing it in the box marked 'done' and moving on.
