Woke up this morning thinking about understanding. When Im around people who know i'm an alcoholic I find my self really trying to have people understand me. I want them to see the world like I see it. Well I think I now understand that the only people who understand or for that matter really care are people in the fellowship. I need to keep my disease to myself for the most part. Oh I know that telling the world that im an alcoholic is really not a good idea because as sad as it may be they just might judge me. lol I sometimes get so excited on what I reveal about myself in this recovery program that I want to tell people. I want them to understand the grand theme of things that i have just figured out and they look at me with a blank stare ha. Bare with me I just needed to write this down. I think now I can just relax with the knowledge that due to this program I can continue to move forward and grow. I get so excited to see whats around the corner for me. The promises are coming true in so many ways that it all seems unreal.
*giggling* yes it can be so funny sometimes. I rarely divulge I'm an alcoholic - depends on the situation. However even the language used in the fellowship can seep out into my daily conversations and oh yes! I get those blank stares - luckily I am quite a dreamy person so people just put it down to my happy go lucky dreamy character......but I really do think they think I am a bit crazy ........*giggling* I don't care!!! Not one bit!
I love reading about the promises coming so true for you Susie. I am sometimes blown away by the happenings my HP brings into my life.........I try to remember them when I am going through the not so great times too! Yes my HP is always there - even though I don't always feel Him so.
wonderful share. Once in awhile, I do tell people I am a recovering Alcoholic. I see concern flick across their face as I smile joyfully, bigger and brighter, like, maybe i am about to step over the bonkers line any second. I only mention it hoping that they are in recovery, too. but mostly, I keep my Alcoholic nature between me and my AAs. I remind my husband it is up to me to talk about my disease, not him. (especially since he does not believe in it) I read something that brought joy to my heart, "my prayers are like perfume" to my HP (whom I call God). He wants to share my whole life experience with me, step by step, helping me live without alcohol, addictions, fear, or anger... He helps me walk through those things to the other side. It is up to me just how dirty i get. jj
Hey Susie,yeah even when I am asked if I want a drink I just usually say no thank you or I don't drink alcohol(without going into a diatribe)I don't think people will ever FULLY understand me(even myself) but as long as my HP knows whats going on ,I'm good..Funny my wife will say at times "you don't make any sense!! well can't be because im reaching mid 60's mark nah, ,must be because at times I probably don't:) nOW 25 YEARS OF BRAIN SLUDDGING???Continue living the miracle and carrying the message ,thru the way you live. Readings will tell us that the steps will lead us to an awakening of a spiritual nature,and it will be evidenced by the change in our lives.These changes will make us better able to live by spiritual principles and to carry our groups message of the 5th tradition, to the still sick and suffering,but the message is 'MEANINGLESS" unless we actually LIVE IT.As we live it ,our lives and actions give it more meaning than words and literature ever could!I can also feel your excitemnet! Have a blessed day!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Susie, Great post. I to can forget when I'm not around recovering Alcoholics and speak the AA talk. It's such a part of my life (good part) that I try to live it out... but sometimes I get the Deer In The Headlight Look.......... I know at this point it's time to move on. I feel much more comfortable around an AA meeting than a normie social gathering. Hanging with folks that live by spiritual principles in a great thing.
The good thing is I'm getting this "being a power of example thing" I heard when I first came around. I thought it was just being a power of example for my kids to not drink. But, with the help of my sponsor, I'm seeing the principles rub off on the kids. Admitted when their wrong, stronger relationship with them by let go of certain situations and not always having to win a battle/confrontation.
Recently; a guy confronted a coach and I on the ball fields. He was obviously looking for a confrontation. Talking it out was of no use. I eventually walked away but not as early as I should've. On the way home my son asked me, "why didn't you just walk away earlier Dad?" " You did nothing wrong, it was he who was wrong". I even learn from him. I didn't have to be the tough guy and show the kids who b*lls were bigger. Pride? Ego?? Fear??? I told him your right son, I should've walk away, right away. Thank you son.
Understanding, like many things, is relative. I understand a little more than I did yesterday. Well maybe, maybe not - I might have been up the wrong tree yesterday and today I had to step back two days and start over!
When my daughter was in her absolute prime of acting out (precisely age 12 years, 10 months) she screamed that nobody understood her. I said as calmly and wisely as I could muster, "Well I don't think anyone can truly understand another person". Her head turned around backwards, she spat pea soup and gutterally screamed "Don't give me your psychobabble bullshit!!!" And here, I thought I was telling her something profound that she had never heard before. I guess that'll teach me to act like I know what I'm talking about... LOL.
I think in part I failed as a parent because I was too close to my own childhood and I *could* relate. I wanted to be a friend, more than a parent. I had no experience with the total freak-out (i.e., no experience with girls).
Today, the relationship with that daughter is somewhat parental, but not exactly. More than friendship. Mainly, we are both sober alcoholics and we share that well beyond what words could convey. As we both knew, but rarely spoke of, what would become of her daughter - so intense, so dramatic - when she became a teen. Well those days have come, and perhaps the heaviest part of the storm has passed. I may be able to see my Drama Goddess within a month or so. We all miss her. I can't wait to see her, and how she may have changed with a year "in the system" somewhat isolated from normal teenage pressures.
Aloha Susie...I long long ago dropped the "Am a" from my self description of being alcoholic. I have a life threatening disease so I am alcoholic and along with that I am also tuberculic and formerly Catholic. If I say nothing no one will suspect and many times I'd rather talk about other things that I also know about. Usually out side of the rooms I keep my anonymity for several reasons. One is that unless the other person I am talking to is admittedly alcoholic also and is looking for feedback all I might be doing is bragging on a fellowship I belong to or trying to one up a non member. Too the others person might not have the desire to listen to something they are not in the lease interested in. When I am offered a drink (with or of alcohol) I say no thanks and for the few times I have been pressed with a "why not"? I usually have had to say nothing more than "because I'm allergic". During my entire journey in AA I've only had one candidate for our program continually press me for more info on why not and "what happens if you do?" My response was "If I drink again you will not continue to like me." That man is no longer alive enacting a permanent solution to a temporary condition. He could no longer face up to the problems caused by his own alcohol/drug addiction and rather than enter AA ended his life altogether. Too bad...nice guy, great mechanic, had a nice wife and family, pretty good looking, child of God and...alcoholic and addicted to drugs. The answers to his why and why not and what happens if you do questions didn't matter.
Not one bit!
I know at this point it's time to move on. I feel much more comfortable around an AA meeting than a normie social gathering. Hanging with folks that live by spiritual principles in a great thing. 
I even learn from him. I didn't have to be the tough guy and show the kids who b*lls were bigger. Pride? Ego?? Fear??? I told him your right son, I should've walk away, right away. Thank you son.