Morning,Been away for a few days to put things in perspective and do some internal searching.Last Friday,our 24 year old(heroin addict) son relapsed,taking us down with a large financial deficet on a charge card to procure his DOC.He moved into his own place July 6th and is on 5 years probation(results of previous crimes)l and on Medicaid and Public Assistance.Attending a 3 night a week intensive care program and on Methadone maintenance system(100mg daily)Briefly.I just want to say we prayed over sending him to jail or letting the consequences fall where they may if he is continuing to use,testing dirty at RSS and not attending program ,which in turn will put him either back in jail or on the street.I am also a Member of another program for parents and relatives of addicts.I know the tools,the rules and all the what we are supposed to do's.We chose to let him fall on his own,complete detachment,no car,no$$$,no calls to see he makes appointments and any other enabling behaviors.Whether it is right or wrong,it was our choice through prayer and faith.We also let him know we love him,hate his disease and will pray he can come to final surrender and begin a new life.He had 7 months of abstinence form his DOC going(I do not believe in substitute maintenance ,but we are all responsible for our own recoveries)Though out hearts are heavy,we made a decison and will allow the God of our understanding to work out the results..Having spiritual principles from our program entrenched in my life,a sponsor and grand sponsor whom I am able to share honestly from my heart and our faith that "no doubt we are powerless keeps me grounded.I do not entaintain thoughts of drinking over anything as for me "to drink is to die' and I chose life awhile ago..... our HP has a plan and we just need to get out of the way(completely)My wife and I are moving forward,always in faith and filled with hope that maybe our HP was saying we are still too involved ,just be still and move away.I won't linger on this and thank you all for letting me share as i AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN "PAIN SHARED IS PAINED LESSENED. No matter what,I will not let anything bring me back to the oblivion of active adiction...Just for Today,moving forward in God's grace will keep us seeking His will for us and the power to carry it out!!My spiritual writings tell me "not to waste my trials but to give them to God and let the miracles occur... peace......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
My brother my prayers are for you, your family and your son. Tough love is such a difficult decision. For this alcoholic being held responsible for my actions was the beginning of my surrender to the disease.
Larry, -------------- When God closes one door, He always opens another- but sometimes He makes us wait out in the hallway for a while
((((Mike & family)))) Horrendous decision to have to make but in my experience the one you have made is the only one I have ever seen work. Love and prayers to you and your family, Louisa xx
My heart goes out to you. You have made a wise decision, albeit so painful. I know that in my experience, my guilt for my lack of parenting during the years I was "out there" had me over compensating. I became an enabler. I think it runs in my family. I enabled my daughter so thoroughly, she ended up in prison for the next 18 years. (it was 25 to life). She never learned consequences because her father and I kept picking up the pieces. This was the end result. I wish we could have released her with the love that you are showing your son. The end results could have turned out so differently had we been wise and brave enough to do what you're doing. My prayers are with you. Chris
(((((Mike))))), many prayers are being offered today for your family. Mine too. You have helped me to stay sober today and stay alive for another 24 hours, as I can see more and more through other families who suffer, just how deeply I hurt and damaged the lives of my family members when I was years back behaving much like your son. They too found peace and HELPED me to get to the place where I began my journey, by letting go and letting me fall down and get back up on my own. So thank you for opening up and sharing your ES&H, and also sharing your pain. You have helped me today much more than I could help you. But I will stay sober today for myself and my own family, and pray for you all, nonetheless. Thank you and please keep us posted on how YOU are doing, as well as your son and family.
With love and care being sent your way, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I'm so sorry for your pain, your wife's, your son's. It is, truly, SO hard not to carry them when they need to carry themselves. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
And Chris, you cannot know that your well-meaning actions prevented your daughter from getting help. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own choices. I once got a break from a cop that I didn't deserve. If he had done what he is supposed to do, I might have hit my bottom a lot sooner and a hell of a lot more painfully. But I also am very grateful that today I have a career I might have lost if he had. I'm the one responsible for the fact that my "close call" didn't wake me up a lot sooner.
Hugs to all of us parents who are helpless to protect our loved ones from pain, whether it comes from the inside or the outside.
