What makes a good meeting?  That's a good question and a good topic.

I would get a meeting list of your area.  Take a look at the different meetings and times available.  Find out what the different kinds of meetings are.  You'll see;

Select the meeting day;
Select the meeting time;
Meeting type; All, Open, Closed
Meeting Format; All, Big Book Study, Discussion, Speaker, Step Study, Tradition
Special Meeting; All, Beginners, Gay, Womens', Mens', Young Peoples,
Additional Option; Non Smoking, Wheel Chair Acc., Sitter, Spanish, Candlelight

So... it may behoove you to pick a certain day and to drive a few miles further to find a good meeting... if you are at liberty to do so.

I like a closed A.A. discussion meeting.  Some of the BB Study meetings don't even use the Big Book.  They use the 12 x 12, which is, in my opinion, Bill's static experience years after he did steps and after he had deteriorated into depression.  Now, that statement will offend some people.  But I'd rather shoot you straight and tell you my experience than to spare peoples' feelings.

I think a good meeting will have a random balance of folks, young, old, male, female, but they will have one thing in common; booze and the recovery thereof.

If I go to a strong A.A. meeting, they will find out who I am, why I am there, how long sober I am, and if I know what an alcoholic even is.  They then guide me into finding out for myself if I identify and if I do, am I willing to do the 12 Steps to get and stay sober.

Use your gut.  A.A. is not for everybody.  At very least, it's for alcoholics who have lost control of their drinking and just can't seem to "choose" to stop drinking on their own, and they need to be open to the spiritual approach.  The Christian overtones and mold that A.A. was started from is offputting to some.  If you can plug your own concept into these spiritual principles that are talked about, and have an open mind... sweep aside prejudices about some of this stuff, and find out what makes sense to you, that is what I've found to be so freeing and useful about A.A.  Some people are Christians in A.A. and they get it.  Some are atheists and they get it as well.  But the  bottom line is, how good could their previous experience in spiritual things have served them if they can't tap into it to help them put down the bottle?

A.A. is tedious and it's an all or nothing deal.  If you can get and stay sober in some other way, go for it.  Many are in A.A. and they don't do the program.  They rely on meetings, slogans, service work, etc., but they don't do steps.  But they're sober.  I can't do that.   I go, do steps, state my experience in those steps, and that's it.  It can be a very simple deal.

Ohhh yes.  That's to all of what you and what the person below you wrote.  I definately need to let go of some of my old ways.  My main thing is to learn how to work the program.  One of you mentioned the MIP board or is THIS the MIP board?  lol  I'm very willing to work at this, in fact I want to.  I think I do need to drive a bit further to find a group where there are a few more people who also want to work it, and not just show up for their signed slip for court.  I sought this on my own and with the help of God, not through a court order, although I know that MANY have found sobriety and a new life through the blessing of a court order.  Unfortanutely I found people at that meeting bringing Sci-fi books and sat int he corner and read through the whole thing with no contribution.  Then again, maybe the other few who are there for what I was there for would be refreshed to have someone new and passionate about being sober.  So, I need to take what I want, leave the rest, "fake it til I make it" as a good friend of mine told me and maybe I can contribut something to that group that will help someone else.  Since I'm going to be going daily, maybe one of my days should be there.  Maybe I am supposed to be there if not for my own good, for someone elses.  Right now I'll keep an open mind, embrace the good and leave the bad and dig out my Big Book from many years ago.  Yea, the one I didn't touch when I was 22.  I wanted to be sober then, didn't work the steps just went to meetings, and here I am today.  In a much worse place, far more desperate to be sober.

-- Edited by Danielle72 on Tuesday 27th of July 2010 01:32:44 AM

What makes a good meeting ? good question.

For me it would be a group of members ( from 1 day sober to long term sobriety ) that are focusing on the plan of recovery as laid out in the book.

It would be where the members are sharing their esh and not taking other ppls inventories or talking about anybody else but themselves.

I have a tendency to be turned off by ppl who share about their brother or neighbor who they believe needs AA so bad cuz their drinking is out of control. ( who cares ? the brother or the neighbor isnt even there !! ugh ).

A good meeting has a format and is structured so that the chairperson leads the meeting well and there isnt cross talk or child like interruptions. ( I have been at meetings where its like a 3 ring circus with ppl who claim to be adults are acting like like 2 yr olds ). I find it difficult to listen and learn when ppl are acting like idiots.

After all, this is a serious 'game' we are playing here and I truely believe there are winners and losers. It is a matter of life and death for some of us.

Dont give up Danielle. Keep an open mind, and be willing to search for good meetings. One where you will find a good sponsor who can guide you thru the book and help you work the steps.

Hi Daniel,

Sorry to hear that your first meeting was not very good but as Dean said there are different quality meetings out there.  I attended one that if I did not know better I would have had no idea that it was an AA meeting because the discussion never mentioned the program or alcohol.  They talked about what clothes to wear, what the kids in school were doing but no program.   I voted with my feet and  never went back to that particular meeting.

I am very encouraged and congratulate you that you did not allow this experience to totally discourage you and you are determined to continue attending AA meetings.  For me Meetings were not enough to lick my alcoholism, the Big Book was not enough to lick my alcoholism, my sponsor is a great sponsor but he was not enough to lick my alcoholism and God would not lick my alcoholism if I did not do the work.  However when I put them all together Meetings, the program outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book, all done under the guidance of my sponsor and my Higher Power whom I choose to call God a miracle happened.  I was relieved of my desire to drink and I found a happy, joyous and free life style that I enjoy today.

Today I attend all types of AA meetings but I seem to gravitate toward big book study and 12 and 12 step study meetings.  These meetings tend to be more program oriented at least that has been my experience.  Working the program is what allowed me to enjoy life and be glad to be alive. 

Larry,
--------------
Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a u-turn.


-- Edited by Larry_H on Tuesday 27th of July 2010 08:50:26 AM

Very subjective.  I've sat through meetings that I just wanted to bolt out the door through the whole thing, didn't feel like I got a single thing out of anything anyone said -- and then someone near the end of it (or afterwards) says what a great meeting it's been, and I'm left scratching my head.  Great?  It was great?  But obviously that person heard something or some things they needed to hear.  For me, I just stayed sober for another hour or so.  On the other hand, I'm not a masochist.  If I attend a meeting a few times and it's not doing it for me, and there's a different meeting I could be going to instead, I'm outta there.  I don't see any point sticking around to pinpoint exactly what it was that I didn't like, though I understand why some people say their sponsor suggests they do so.

Same thing happens here sometimes, people will say "Great post!" and I think, "What did I miss?"  If after re-reading it, the post still doesn't seem all that important to me, I just shrug and remember it's not all about me.  Not every post has to be the one that has meaning for me personally, there are other people in this world at other stages of their recovery.  Same thing goes for when I post something I think is really great or profound, and it gets a lukewarm response.

-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Tuesday 27th of July 2010 07:12:23 PM

Oh Lexie!  Great point about not allowing it to become a resentment.  I went to the same meeting the next day.  It was mainly different people, some faces from the prior day.  It was quite a bit different.  I still found myself very much "resenting" some stuff a gentleman had said.  I was so bent out of shape about it I nearly went to another meeting just to keep myself from not drinking.  INSTEAD, what I did, was went to the Big Book online and started working on step 4.  In that reading I found some really good words about tolerance.  In a nutshell, I'm sure you have read it also, it talked about tolerating others as though they are sick friends.  That we wouldn't treat our sick friends with anything but tolerance.  Now, I'm not saying that man is sick, I am probably far sicker than him right now, but it was a good point.  Tolerance for each other.  We're all just on this road through life, trying to be sober, day by day.  Just because I seek the path of being sober and a life of happiness, doesn't mean that someone else has to.  So....today I'm going back again as it is a good time for me and it gets me there.  And I'm hoping I find myself far less judgemental over people being judgemental...lol....and just be happy that today, once again, I am sober!  Hurray!

As for my fiance....when I came home from my meeting yesterday he had brought all of the empty beer bottles from the past few weeks(which is a LOT) to recylcing, cleaned out our fridge and cupboards of any alcohol and told me that he wants to support me in any way he can.  Later in the evening he said he was afraid that AA was like a cult and that he doesn't understand why I can't just stop.  He asked me why Jesus wasn't enough.  About an hour after that, he came to me and said, "Honestly...I'm afraid you'll leave me.  I'm afraid you'll become an even better person than you already are and figure out you can do better."  So...now I understand a bit more where he is coming from.  Yes, my sobriety is about me...but I'm also a member of our family.  I'm a woman first, but I am also a mom, and wife-to-be, and a sister and a friend....so.....I need to stay true to the person I am as far as the good things people are used to, and show them that I am even better at all of that when I'm sober.  He's a wonderful man, and as long as he shows is support in my endeavors including sobriety....why would I leave?  Today is a GREAT day!  No headache.  I'm not all foggy.  I've gotten a lot of housework done and spent time with the kids and it's only 10:20am!  Life is good.

Well every alcoholic can SOUND good.  Teehee!  I am so new to this, I refuse to be comfortable in any of decisions or I will not work my program.  I heard someone say last night(at an incredible meeting I might add), that he works his program like he works out at the Gym, only he adds 100 pounds to every workout.  And this dude obviously works out a LOT....lol.  He had so much incredible insight and the one thing he kept saying is, "Because I found a sponsor and I work the program.  Really work it."  I'm not yet sure what "working it" means, but I am seeking it.  Truly, I am seeking it.  I wasn't court ordered for this, no one particular drunk story got me there.  I just want to be sober.  TRULY sober.  Not just dry.  I was just dry 10 years ago and it landed me back to the bottle.  So, here I am.  But after seeing two of my grandparents and both of my parents stay sober for over 30 years from being in the program, it works.  I am so very grateful for this board.  Without it I very well may have not made it through the first 24 hours until I found my first meeting, or through the "bad" meeting til I found a good one.

The group conscience at one of my home groups calls for an announcement during the opening that anyone needing a temporary sponsor or willing to be a temporary sponsor, see the chairperson after the meeting.

The issue that comes up every so often are certain people who take great exception to the idea of "temporary sponsors." One guy, when he opens the meeting, has been known to say, "For those of you with temporary problems with alcohol, we offer temporary sponsors." Always delivered with heavy sighs and rolling of eyes.

I've always felt that anything that makes it easier for the newcomer to hook up with an experienced member is a good thing. A lot of people are shy and the thought of asking someone to be a sponsor gets to be an overwhelming stressor (what if I ask the wrong person, what if s/he says "no", what if, what if). All sponsorship is "temporary" in the sense that you can change sponsors any time you like if it turns out not to be a great "fit". But I think by making "temporary sponsorship" available we make it less likely that newcomers will postpone indefinitely waiting to find the "perfect" person to work with.