New here...just figured out I am an alcoholic.

Danielle72 · Member

New here...just figured out I am an alcoholic.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Danielle, welcome.

It sounds as if you are sick and tired of the way we alcoholics have to live when drinking is a part of our daily lives. It really sucks, and everyone here understands in one way or another what feeling "trapped" in our drinking is like. Can't keep drinking, but can't keep away from it, either. Stuck in a kind of sick alcoholic pergatory, of sorts.

AA meetings are a great way to start, and in fact, for many of us here, it is the ONLY way we could stay sober and begin to have a better life.

You are not alone in your frustration, anger or sadness. I know it well, as do many others here.

Go to AA meetings and keep coming back to those, and day by day, it will definitely get better. It is absolutely the very best pplace to start.

And please keep coming back here too, for love and support and understanding. You might find some of our stories interesting, they are listed at the top of the main page of this forum, in a "Sticky:" post.... you might find that you can identify with some of our troubles, frustrations and feelings when we came to recovery. You might also find some hope there. Please stick around... we care about you and want to see you get well.

(((hugs))))
Joni

Danielle72 · Member

Thanks. One thing I don't understand about this is why I keep crying. I should be happy I'm trying to turn my life around back to normal again. Why am I so sad? I can't stop crying.

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Emotions are something I drank to not feel because I didn't know how to deal with them and I didn't want to deal with them. Sobriety has not been a walk in the park for me, and there was definitely a grieving process when I realized that I had to give up my best friend (alcohol) - at the time I still thought it was my best friend despite all it had done to me. I just didn't cry actual tears, that's the only difference. Hang in there, put your sobriety first above all else and don't do it alone. Things will get better in time.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Crying= pouring a depressant into one's system for years... just cahlk it up to a "delayed reaction"... and this is uncomfortabel at fist, no doubt... plus, look at all the feelings we covered up with alcohol... they didn;t go anywhere, just got buried... and they need to come out sooner or later.... get to a meeting, and keep posting. Just don't pick up a drink and you will feel better before you know it. Private message if you need anything, or a shoulder to cry on....

joni

louisa · Senior Member

((((Danielle)))

When I finally accepted I couldn't do this alone anymore and went to a meeting it was such a relief. I cried virtually all the way through my first meeting - I was just on the floor emotionally and physically.

I was disgusted with myself - confused, terrified, (terrified of dying but terrified of living too,terrified of drinking but terrified of not drinking too). I thought I was the scum of the earth.

When I walked through the door of that meeting - I knew I had found home. I didn't stop drinking immediately (was slightly drunk in that meeting actually so I just sat and listened ...and cried) I came out of the door with hope and felt very loved.

Danielle I cried rivers.......looking back I can see that was a turning point for me.....the beautiful thing was though...I didn't have to cry alone.......I cried with the love and support of AA members and it was so healing.....it took time, it was a process but that crying was so healing.

Sending you so much love...........I look back now at the Louisa who walked into her first AA meeting and I feel nothing but love and compassion for her.

Like I say, it is a process and takes time but so so worth it....I promise.

With love
Louisa xx

Lexie · Senior Member

Welcome, Danielle,

I think all of us can relate to the way you're feeling right now. The tears are normal, it's an emotional thing to accept that we can't drink like normal people, and your body (including your brain) is going through an adjustment, as well.

Depending on how much you've been drinking, you may feel physically uncomfortable or sick for awhile (if you have any alarming symptoms, call the doctor--withdrawal can be dangerous), but that passes for the most part in a few days.

Good plan to get to lots of meetings. Let people know that you are new, and get phone numbers. Isolation is where I was at when I quit drinking--being around, and talking to people who knew and understood how I felt was really important.

Hugs, look forward to hearing more from you.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Danielle, welcome to the board. You're in the right place.

Danielle72 · Member

Thank you for the encouragement. Didn't drink last night. Going to a meeting at noon today. I really would like to go to treatment, but...money. It's expensive and I hate to be gone from my kiddos and fiance.

Just trying to keep being honest with myself and others that I can't drink at all, ever. My brother doesn't think I need to quit, just cut back. So, I stopped trying to explain to him what I'm going through. My fiance knows I need to quit and he knows he does too. But again, thinks I don't need treatment or meetings. I don't think I should have to point out everything that my drinking is doing to me. He says, "you're just using it to not feel depressed, so stop doing it". Ugh.

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Welcome. You can do it with AA.. They have the answer!

Here is some help for that first meeting

Larry,
----------------

How to get through your first Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting

originated by:Ljp26, Maluniu

Nobody wants to go to their first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. Everyone is afraid. AA welcomes everyone, and you don't need to meet any requirements. If you've ever thought of going, or have been told you must go, here's what to do.

1 Find a meeting. There are lots of sources. Call the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup office, visit http://www.aa.org, ask a church pastor or anyone you might know in recovery. Many cities have hundreds, or even over a thousand AA meetings each week.

2 Pick a compatible meeting. If you're going because you are curious about AA, go to an "open" meeting, which is for anyone. Closed meetings are only for people who have decided they have a problem with alcohol and want to stop drinking. Some meetings are for men only or women only, are foreign language speaking or are for other special groups. The sources above can guide you to the right meeting.

3 Ask for a ride if you don't have a way to get there. The local AA office can usually arrange for someone who is going to the meeting to pick you up.

4 Get there early. Many meetings are held in churches. Watch what door people go in so you can follow them to the right room. If you aren't sure if you're at the right place, ask someone if it is the meeting for "friends of Bill W."

5 Expect to see all kinds of people there: young, old, worn-down, elegant. They may be very different than you. You might be surprised that so many people look healthy and happy. They are all there for the same reason no matter how they look on the outside.

6 Relax. You aren't required to do or believe anything. You don't have to say a word.

7 Watch how the meeting works. They usually begin with volunteers reading from AA literature, followed by a group discussion, book study or featured speaker.

8 Sometimes the leader will ask if anyone is at their first AA meeting. If you want, you can raise your hand and give your first name.

9 Listen. You will get a lot out of your first meeting by hearing others' experiences. You might not understand all the discussion, but try to find something you can relate to.

10 When they pass the basket for donations, you do not have to contribute. If you want to, the normal contribution is $1 or $2 in the U.S. Don't give more than what others are giving.

11 Take a white chip if offered. Some groups give chips to people have been sober for a length of time. They also give a white chip to anyone who doesn't want to drink just for one day. Chips are reminders to help you stay sober. They are free.

12 Ask the chairperson after the meeting for a directory that shows where and when meetings are held. You can go to as many meetings as you want. If you go to a second meeting located near the first one, you might recognize people that were at the first meeting.

Tips

Meetings start on time. Plan to get there early and stay late so people can introduce themselves.

If you get there late, it's OK. Just go in and sit down.

Tell someone you are new. They will probably introduce you to others.

Go sober and not high. Otherwise the experience won't be very useful.

During the meeting, don't ask questions or talk to anyone in the group directly, even if it seems like someone is talking directly to you. Stay after the meeting to ask questions or tell them your story.

There is a lot of laughter in AA meetings. It's also OK to cry.

If you see someone there that you know, don't worry that they will "tell on you." They are probably there for the same reason you are.

Go to a different meeting if you don't hear anything that you can relate to. Each meeting has a unique personality.

If people give you their phone numbers, they want to help if you need it. Call them before you take a drink. Say that they gave you their number at the meeting and you want to drink.

Warnings

Never drive with alcohol in your system, even if you think you need to get to an AA meeting right away. Get someone to give you a ride instead.

The group might ask you to leave and come back another day if you are disruptive or start rambling about something other than alcohol.

Once you get home don't talk about who was there or what they said. One of AA's mottos is "Who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here."

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Danielle,
Welcome to the board. Sounds like your right where you should be at this point. I know the feeling. Like your feet are suspended in mid air, moving- but the body is just doing circle. It will get better. Ignore all the outside noise at this point. There's some family members who may fear you changing. You can address those issues down the road. Find a same sex sponsor at one of the next few meetings and be honest and open with her. Your life will get better if you keep taking action.

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

Danielle, welcome, and thanks for posting. It must be disappointing to get such a lack of understanding from your brother despite having both parents in recovery but it sounds like you are taking the right approach. I get the same thing from my parents, they love me and want to support me but just don't get it at all. I came to the same conclusion -- I'm just grateful for their love and support and stopped trying to explain it to them.

I was terrified to go to my first AA meeting and if I hadn't gotten a friend to go with me, I probably would have bolted right before I was about to walk through the door. I hope the meeting went well for you and provided a welcoming atmosphere. As Larry said, if that one didn't seem right, try a different meeting.

I have also cried and had crazy emotional swings when I was going through withdrawals. I think it's normal. Hang in there and welcome.

GG

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Danielle72 wrote:

My brother doesn't think I need to quit, just cut back. So, I stopped trying to explain to him what I'm going through. My fiance knows I need to quit and he knows he does too. But again, thinks I don't need treatment or meetings. I don't think I should have to point out everything that my drinking is doing to me. He says, "you're just using it to not feel depressed, so stop doing it". Ugh.

Non-alcoholics simply do not and cannot understand. For me personally, I don't try to explain much or even talk much to them about it. I just stay focused on what I know I need to do. If I could do it all over, without getting the DUI, I'd probably just skip the treatment and go straight to meetings. That's not to say that I haven't gotten anything out of treatment, but given the cost, I could probably have gotten by without it. Unfortunately the DUI is what it took to get me to be willing to accept that I had a real problem. As far as your fiance goes - my wife is also alcoholic, and we had been separated for 6 months before I got sober. It took her a year after that to get sober herself. In the meantime, we kept in contact and I have to say that I think the closest I ever came to relapsing was while dealing with her while she was still drinking. Just kind of a warning. You can't get him sober, he has to want it for himself - my wife didn't get sober till I finally said, "I give up. I don't know what your bottom needs to be, but I'm not willing to wait and see because I think I might start drinking again if we stay together." But that's just my experience.

Danielle72 · Member

I appreciate your response, as I do everyone's response. My fiance asked me if he should go to treatment. I told him that I wasn't in his body or mind, and that only he knows if he needs to or not. He says he will completely stop drinking to help me to be able to stay sober(he offered it up, I never asked). But I think he has some question as to whether or not he can do it. So...I guess we'll see. He asked if he could come to a meeting with me. I asked him if he wanted to go for me, or for himself. Because frankly, I don't need him to feel sorry for me, I can go to meetings alone. But if he wants it for himself, by all means...maybe I should have just said yes. At any rate, I went to my first meeting today. And I'm sober. I've been sober for 2 days. It doesn't sound long, but it sure feels long. But I am happy to be sober today! Just feeling a bit raw.

Lexie · Senior Member

Hey, congrats on day 2 and for getting to a meeting.

If I were you, I wouldn't question the fiance too much about his motives for wanting to go with you to a meeting. It's easier for some people to go in with someone else as a way of kinda "testing the waters" and I've known more than one person who started going to meetings as a way to support someone else and wound up being happy sober members of AA themselves!

Also, if he wants to not drink to support you in your efforts, let him. I didn't drink when I was with men who were in recovery (this was before my own drinking spiraled out of control), but my first husband (now sober 30 years) still thanks me for that, telling me it made it easier for him.

Just keep taking it a day at a time. It gets easier, once you get the booze out of your system.

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Well, my wife went to a few meetings with me and I could tell she was not really wanting to go or be there. But now she goes on her own and is working her own program. I would say if he offers to go to one with you, say sure. He might be going for the wrong reasons but it could plant a seed that will later grow.