Hi Family Thanks for the prayers and advice. Letting my HP take care of the outcome on my DUI was grueling but a fine practice in how I should handle most all of my state of affairs. I do go to Jail on the 10th of next month and only have to serve 60 days.
I do got to tell you all something. I let it out but will never say names in or out of the rooms. I let it be known that I am kind of working on not being pissed at a few high and mighty 20 plus sober year people that I always considered friends. Talking to me about going out again and loseing my sobriety time is fine but to rag me and placing themselves above me is worrisome to me. I told them I was concerened about them feeling like an elite, and placing themselves in the no can learn catagory. We never Graduate at the AA growth. No diploma for success unless you die sober. I aso kept running into readings this week about it is'nt quantity but quality of time working the steps. So instead of ending up pissed at them; I end up loving them and praying for them. I like we all have to work our own program. Thanks for letting me rattle on..
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one. - Oscar Wilde
It sounds like you ran into a couple of Bleeding Deacons. Those with long time sobriety usually fall into one of two classes.
Bleeding Deacons -- They think that they know it all because of thier length of sobriety.
or
Elder Statesmen -- Realize that they are only 6 inches away from thier next drink (The six inches between thier ears) no matter how long they have been sober. They also realize they know nothing and they owe thier sobriety to the Grace of God.
I sure hope that God's will for me is to be an Elder Statesman.
I love your statement "We never Graduate at the AA growth. No diploma for success unless you die sober."
Larry, ------------- "Step One -- You messed it up Step Two -- It can be fixed Step Three -- But not by you!"
Ouch..... yucky stuff, with the long-timers, there but for the Grace of God! I hope I never act like that.... and thank God there are plenty oldtimers who are NOT like that... best to focus on what they have to share, and what other healthy newcomers and healthy oldies alike can contribute to our recovery... we all have something valuable to offer, even us re-treads...
It is a program for sick people, not well people... and I have seen people with 30 days sober who acted healthier than people with 30 years....
there are good examples and bad examples... and you will be out of the clink just in time to start enjoying a hopeful break in the hot weather! Take care and good thoughts coming your way...
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
That kinda sorta sounded like a warning that "I've got a resentment". Read up about alcoholics and resentments in the big book and practice letting it all go. I learned to ask the question "who is it in the program that is worth my sobriety?" I've nailed a sponsee with that question while he was in the process of emolating from a burning resentment against someone with more time and after he considered it he calmed right down, smiled and went on his way. Feeling the temperature rise, the head swell up, the chest get tight, hear the ringing in the ears, and the eyes start to strain? All keys in letting it all go. Never give it away to someone who doesn't want or need it.
You might be reading concern and frustration as them thinking they are better than you. Also it feels threatening when a friend in AA goes out. Kind of like "it could be me next relapsing, dying, or having to go to jail" and that feeling sucks and it may be the reason people are talking to you the way they are. It is real hard to watch that happen to someone who has "had time" in the program and seemed like they were "getting it" the same way you were and then they just give it up. It's a "We" program and if we all relapsed this wouldn't work. I'm not judging you, but just saying....probably best to let it go...
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
