up at about 2am here...... not on purpose, but I sure didn't make good decisions that got me here!
ate over a quart of fresh strawberries earlier... sliced them up and poured about a half cup of sugar all over... put in the fridge.. immediately removed and ate The Whole Thing.... (ouch... gurgle gurgle.... that was my tummy!! oooooffff... eeerrrggg... wince... whimper)
felt tired after my sugar rush.... went to bed at 8pm expecting to sleep the whole night through.... Ha!!
watched a very violent movie earlier... it was... ready??? The 1940's black and white movie Oliver Twist... and I never realized how VIOLENT that movie was!!! LOL My God!! Beating kids, beating one's wife to death, waving guns around.... jeesh it made 007 and Fight Club look tame!! So I went to sleep with visions of clubbings and beatings, in Olde English black and white (spooky) complete with Olde dark orchestra/violin music, dancing in my head.... nice
and THEN... as if...... at 1:00am I got up and heated up a cup of coffee I had put in the fridge.... yes, full caffiene content... all of this insanity... and without a thought as to consequences... not one "self-preservation" thought tonight to speak of!!
ahhhh.... well, I am up, but I am sober as can be... and I guess I will now have a power-reading session until I can get back to sleep (hopefully before the sun comes up!) Nothing violent is up for reading tonight... I am going to start reading The Shack... I have heard it is a terrific spiritual book.... and a dear friend not in AA sent it to me from Canada recently, out of the blue... yup, that is what I need.... ONE good decision tonight. (on top of staying sober....)
toodles... and no more strawberries for awhile! (ugh.... grumble rumble)
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Hi Joni, Seems there are two of us up. It has been a very physically demanding work week. It seems most every muscle is groaning..... I'm so exhausted, but like you, here I am. lol In 2 short hrs. the alarm will ring. UGH! Not looking forward to it either, because whenever this has happened before, it is when that alarm goes off that sleep is finally arriving. And as much as I love my job not looking forward to another day of rush, rush, rush...lift, lift, lift....write, write, write...calculate, calculate, calculate. And then after work I will be doing more 'running' because my 3 yr old grandson is staying the night while his folks spend some alone time. Normally I love the idea of having him, but right now the thought is not appealing. Somehow by the grace of HP, we will probably both survive. lol
The 1940's black and white movie Oliver Twist... and I never realized how VIOLENT that movie was!!! LOL My God!! Beating kids, beating one's wife to death,
Oh my goodness. I cannot watch that movie to this day. I watched it as a child and was severly affected by it. I was a very sensitive child and have never forgotten him beating his wife to death....and the accompanying screams/noises.
My parents sent me (in good faith) to what was supposed to be an ABC Cinema for kids and I have never forgotten a part of a film that they showed that involved the killing of an animal by a thug with a spade. I absorbed and kept all that to myself as a child. I was profoundly affected. Those images can be as clear in my mind today as then...and again, the noises.
I have to be very careful what horrible things I allow to enter my mind as I seem to absorb them on quite a deep level. I have to be extremely careful about having the news on constantly. Only 2 nights ago I was in tears being comforted by my boyfriend about something I had seen. Yes, I like to keep informed but I have to be careful and disciplined about it for my own well being. Today i found out that the story - which involved an animal had a happy ending. But those images can still enter my head and frankly I need my energy for other things and not to have to work so hard on dispelling horrible images.......so i have to be careful.
I stopped watching CSI and stuff before bed.......
For me i think it's when various factors merge together that I can also get the problem.....as in, if I am going through a low spell I am more easily affected.......I also have to be disciplined with my musical choices if i am feeling "over melancholic".....*giggling* .....is this just an alcoholic thing?????
That said, I usually deal with it by as my sponsor would say "getting out of self and looking for someone to help".....EEK!!! does that sound selfish?????
Ha!!! Thank you, Aquaman and Dean, for the laughs, and to others, for the complete and utter understanding.
I now have good food in the fridge, by the Grace of God, by the way.... so no baloney sandwiches for breakfast.
I am glad to know I am not the only sensitive one in the bunch, Louisa! But when it comes to Oliver Twist, I would venture to say that that movie has probably damaged generations of both weak and strong!!!
I did read from The Shack last night... and I am hooked. I read til 4am, it is now 10am, and just getting up. Feeling better than I suspected I would, so thanks for the love here. And I now wish and hope for learning (Wanda) to have the best possible day and evening that she can... I am trying to send you some calm energy, my friend... hope you can feel it.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
