Welcome back, you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. I have just over a week, after a long time in AA and some slip-ups.

We are here for you. I am going to meetings regularly, and keeping in contact with other AA's because I really WANT sobriety. Sounds like you do to, and admitting defeat is the First Step in our healing...

((((hugs))))

They say that we have to watch for 4 things (HALT) - being Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired -- but where's BOREDOM?  That's a big one for me too, and I see that it was the feeling that preceded your drinking this time.  My suggestion is to start accumulating books on recovery.  Not just A.A. books - there are tons of them nowadays, more has has been disclosed to many people (as was predicted on page 164 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.)  That will give you at least SOMETHING to do when you're completely bored, and remove this excuse to drink.  Also, you might want to write down a list of other things you can do besides going places where you are accustomed to drinking (such as restaurants, even though it's not a bar) for now until your spiritual program has become stronger.  Movie theaters, etc.  Things you can do for fun with your boyfriend where you will be less tempted to drink.  This doesn't have to be a permanent thing.  Something I like to quote a lot in the Big Book goes like this:

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. I don't have time to quote the whole thing, but it can be found on pages 100 (last paragraph) to 102 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt7.pdf

-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Saturday 17th of July 2010 05:03:57 PM

Hey Twinkle, welcome aboard! Its a great thing to have the desire to stop! The temptation you had, ie the "It was Friday night, I was bored, wanted to have "fun", had no kids to worry about because they were at their dads, and it was my day off of work." will become familiar to you. The AA program is structured to get you past that once you grasp the larger picture of the program. Really work at getting a sponsor and go to the meetings. Tell your story at the meetings if you feel comfortable doing that. You will see a lot of head knodding because we have all been there! You are right. You are allergic to alcohol. You are powerless over alcohol.
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become
unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with
God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.


Get a Big Book or here it is online:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Just read through some of the stories and see if they don't call to you.  One of the things that halts a lot of people is the concept of "God".  Its GOD as YOU understand Him, Her, It, Person, Place or Thing!  It evolves unless you already have strong feelings on faith. For starters, God or your Higher Power can be your tomato plant if that is what you believe is your connection to the universe.  For many of us that has changed over time.  Really good luck.  I was moved by your genuine expression of wanting to stop drinking.
Tom

turninggrey wrote:

---

PS, Why did the baby star wake up in the middle of the night?

She had to twinkle.

---

Another good book when you are new to sobriety is "Living Sober." The Big Book and the 12 & 12 lay out the program of Alcoholic Anonymous, and Living Sober has a lot of useful tips and suggestions to make early sobriety a bit more comfortable.

One day at a time is how to do it. All the things that feel overwhelming now will eventually resolve IF you don't drink, no matter what, one day at a time.

Welcome back!

I don't know how relevant this is to your experience, but I had the same experience of not feeling like I was "that bad" when I first started going to meetings. It ended up it was partly because the meetings I was going to were co-ed or in fact tended to be more male-dominated, and a lot of the men would share about their combination alcohol and drug problems, jail time, very serious consequences. Just because of location/convenience/parking, these meetings also tended to be near a Salvation Army rehab facility, where attendees were often in-patients and therefore were more likely to have experienced some really hard times.

I rationalized that I had never suffered a serious consequence from my drinking, never lost a job or got a DUI, never did drugs, etc. I would drink at home to fall asleep and thus didn't get into "trouble" -- although I was in AA because I knew where the path I was on was going to lead and didn't want to go down that road.

Then I started going to more women's only meetings, which also happened to be in more "family-oriented" areas of town. I started meeting a lot more women who had a very similar experience to mine, who kept their lives together, were professionals, etc. but still recognized that they were alcoholics and needed to be in AA. It really helped me appreciate that yes, I need to be here.

I want to make it very clear that I don't think anyone one with an addiction is "better" than anyone else -- we're all just struggling on the same path to recovery -- but for me it really helped me to feel like I belonged when I heard stories more similar to my own.

GG