Figured I owed an update after being MIA for awhile.... things are going.... spent a few weeks considering the old "F--- It All" solution, and isolating to the point of not even getting on the computer.... worked a little, watched a lot of t.v., did a lot of stupid inebriating... not a good way to live.
Have been nice to ex on the phone one minute, and viscious the next. Was put on some crappy medication that made me "high" and sleepy as hell 24/7.
Against medical advice, I am off all meds for one week now, and will go see the doc in 2 weeks. I feel a bit better. Dr. and I have gone through this before. Sometimes he hits the mark, sometimes not. Meetings.... not enough of those, but after keeping driving my car like an idiot with bad brakes til the rotors locked up and the joints were destroyed, it is all fixed this morning and I am ready to go clean her up, fill her up, and get to my home group tonight. Rather excited about it, actually. The home group part.
I had been fooling around with a guy from AA, a friend of more than 10 years, who has 10 years sober. I put a stop to the nonsense the other night. Say what you will about all that, but he is young (30's) and MALE and like many of us, 10 years or not, doesn't have the best judgment when it comes to the opposite sex. Neither do I. Though I had the good judgment to say that of our handful of escapades over the past few months, I stated that where it was going was going to SUCK for me, when at some point I get tired of waking up alone in the morning, and thus it is absolved with no hard feelings. None. I strangely feel like the "healthier one" in this instance. Can you relate?
Anyhoo, here I am. Saw some of the more colorful escapades of my fellow MIPers lately, and opted to decline comment. Glad I did. Glad to be back and posting.
With Love, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Tough call but probably a good one. I got into an ill-advised relationship when almost a year sober, got out of it within a couple of months. It was hard to break up with her and be lonely again, but in retrospect it was clearly the right thing to do.
Dysfunctional relationships are one of the top reasons for relapse, and I've watched with some amusement (caring amusement, of course) the many people who get into relationships within AA, making the mistaken assumption that this is a safe thing to do because they are both in the program and therefore everything will be so simple.
But if you really feel you are ready to be in a relationship, don't be afraid to keep trying to find the right person for you. (Right, not perfect). Just make sure you get lots of outside information, don't close yourself off from other people, maybe even get some help from a relationship counselor.
No, I am not ready for a relationship, not by any means. This was just a "sporadic biological fling" between 2 people whom although having very different recoveries and recovery times, were good friends and neither would "talk" or turn it into something it wasn't meant to be. Beyond the obviouis, albeit his own business, home, creativity and good looks, humor, he does not have what I want. Seriously. Why? This reason alone: he wanted to mess with a woman with very little sobriety, who was struggling like mad, and still legally married, going through a divorce, et al. Somethine is wrong if my friend can't manage to find someone to "fling" with who is a little more stable, shall we say.
At this point in my life, I do not fear being perpetually alone. That tape doesn't even play anymore. And thank God for it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I'll bet that at the right time in my own life I could get plenty of those fish to "bite". I know myself well enough to say that I would rather avoid any future nonsense of my own, nonsense like, "Ohhh... I wish he would spend the niiiiight...." Nah.
The ex is practically living with a woman already. Or she with him, as it goes (he is the one with the loot. lol) She is taking care of him already, I can see it now, laundry, taking care of his new puppy which he purchased at 8 weeks old, yet he works 90 + hours a week. Who's taking care of the puppy? You figure it out. LOL
That's the way it is. He is substituting things he has lost. I am not. I don't need to substitute one pile of misery for another right now. Being with someone "new" after 6 or so years marriage had its momentary perks, don't get me wrong. But I am over it, I guess you could say. I like waking up not worrying about someone else right now. I like waking up and staying in my pajamas for a few hours or half the day if I feel like it. I like doing one person's dishes. I like doing ONLY my own laundry. I like not answering my phone if I don't feel like it. I like that no one feels free to "drop in" unannounced. I want to keep it that way. And I don't want to start pining. I just want another day of sobriety. To come and go as I please, to be beautiful all on my own, to be with my women friends at the women's meetings, and not have a suitcase full of baggae to unload, on top of all the baggage that is iminently there via divorce. Enough is enough.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Good to see you Joni!! Life's a trip and then you die,so all we can do is just keep moving forward best we can,,,,,,Glad your feeling little better............peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Larry, ----------------- My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. ~Douglas Adams
After two marriages and a long-term relationship, the latter two, in particular, being unhealthy for me, I'm living alone and "not looking" for the first time since I was sixteen. I broke up with the last guy three years before I got sober, and since then I felt like I've spent so much time and energy trying to please other people that I didn't even know who I was or what I liked, anymore. Of course, the drinking didn't help any of that.
I have several single female friends who tried to date in early sobriety, and I think every one of them has had at least one slip. Honestly, I think the "no new relationships for at least a year or so" is a good rule of thumb.
I don't feel like I'm good "relationship material" at this point. Like Joni, I feel better not having to take care of anyone but myself right now. I can easily slip into one of two modes, either expecting the other person to take care of me, or wrapping myself up in taking care of the other person. I need to learn and practice balance in my own life before I go inflicting myself on someone else.
