Being unwilling to face problems on either a conscious or subconscious level.
Acting as if there are no problems to face.
A defensive response; protection from pain, hurt, or suffering
A mask to hide feelings or emotions behind.
A way to avoid conflict, disagreements, or disapproval from others.
A way to avoid facing the negative consequences of reality.
A way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.
A way to repress the truth of our loss, a way to continue to function in a ``normally.''
A pattern of life for individuals who are compulsively driven to ``look good.''
A way to avoid the risk of change as a result of problems or loss.
-------------------------- What are the negative consequences of unresolved denial? Unresolved denial can result in:
Delusional thinking, leading to a feeling that everything is OK, even when it is not.
Greater conflict between the deniers and the non-deniers.
Fantasy or magical thinking, allowing distorted thinking to become a habit.
Poor problem-solving and decision-making abilities for the denier.
The denier totally avoiding or withdrawing from everyone who knows of the loss or problem.
The denier becoming a social recluse.
Others avoiding the denier to avoid upsetting him with their concern, questions, or reassurance.
Frustration for those who want to help the denier.
A maladaptive pattern of coping with the loss or problem for the denier.
Everyone involved in the life of the denier joining the denial; the problem is not confronted honestly by those who can do something about it.
Resentment by the denier of those who are confronting him about the problems or loss.
Prolonging the time before the denier must confront the pain, hurt, and suffering involved in the loss or problem.
The denier projecting the problem or the results of the loss onto others.
The denier's use of rationalization to explain away the problem or loss.
Exacerbation of the very problems being denied. ----------------------------------
How can we confront denial in ourselves? We can confront denial by:
Asking ourselves honestly why we are in denial.
Asking ourselves what are the benefits to be gained by our denial.
Asking ourselves what is too painful to face.
Recognizing when we are caught up in magical or fantasy thinking about our problem or loss.
Recognizing the negative consequences that result from our denial behavior.
Not allowing ourselves to fall back into a safe emotional zone, but to keep our emotional response open and honest.
Recognizing when we are hiding behind a ``nice'' mask when discussing our loss or problems.
Allowing ourselves to express negative or embarrassing emotions as we confront our problems (e.g., crying, feeling lost, feeling confused, or feeling scared).
Allowing ourselves to admit to being out of control.
Trusting others to help us with our problem.
Admitting our vulnerability and our need for assistance.
Risking the loss of acceptance or approval by those who may be unable to handle our open, honest admission of our problem.
Recognizing the negative behavior scripts that impede our ability to deal openly with problems.
Recognizing that it is human to have problems and to experience loss; it is not a sign of our lack of value or worth.
Refuting the irrational beliefs that block our acceptance of the loss or problems.
Asking others to not allow us to deny or avoid the truth about our loss or problems.
Recognizing that denial is a natural stage in the loss/grief response.
Maintaining our sense of perspective, allowing ourselves to go through the problems as a growth experience.
Believing that out of failure comes success; accepting the failure as a chance for personal growth.
Accepting the help of others in the aftermath of our loss.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hey Gammy, me too. That's a lot of what our support group is supposed to be about,,, helping each other to come out of denial and face reality. Has anyone ever seen Robert Duval's "Tender Mercies"? There is a song he kept singing,, "It's soo harrrrd to face realliteeeeee"
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
