Hi Dear,

Larry answered the question...

The only motto I needed to hear, after 7 years of relapsing, when my health and all were heading down for the Count...

If you can put Sobriety in FRONT of everything else, includeing all people, places and things, chances are good that you can keep it...

Put anything in FRONT of Sobriety, any person, place or thing or event, you name it, it is in there under anything....
Chances are NOT good that you will keep it....

Pretty simple formula, and it worked for this hard as brick head alke and it can work for you.....I did not want to die, and simply asked God to show me a different way, have not had another drink in over 19 1/2 years.....

It is Up to you.....talk to God, beg God for help.

Do you know that I have never once heard of any alcoholic that went straight to their God, as they understand God, and did not get the help they needed to not drink...

Willingness is the Key that unlocks the door...God already loves you, and is waiting for you to love you enough!

Toni

I've come to believe for me that I can go to all the meetings in the world... do 90 in 90 and not stay sober.

I can learn the steps and practice them and not stay sober.

Nothing will keep me sober if I don't have a strong understanding and friendship with my Higher Power. If I have that... for today my sobriety is safe...

Hello Steve:
This is a sobering & serious message from you. You need to take this very, very seriously and get serious with the God of your understanding, make a decision to turn your powerlessness over to His care and call out to Him with all your heart to save you from this insanity. I believe that when we get REAL serious with our Higher Power .... He gets serious with us. No games, you know the problem and you know the solution, go get it my friend. Your solution is waiting to meet you.
I will pray for you tonight!!
Carlotta

Your friend is responsible for her actions, you are responsible for yours.

I didn't struggle with sobriety the way you do, but if I were you I'd listen to the people on this board who have. They know what they're talking about.

I don't believe anyone is "destined" to die an early death from this disease. But it does happen, if you read John's post about his recent loss.

Accept and surrender.

Some die young, but that is romanticising the disease ala James dean, "Oh he died so young, such a tragic waste, how romantic" tosses back of hand to forehead in a dramatic fashion ala Lillian Gish from the silent films

The reality is 99.99% of the alcoholics I see that just stumble in and out of the rooms over and over and over go for decades with trap door bottoms, just when they think it can't get any worse it does, until they have to look up on the social order of things to even see attorneys, and that's a ways down there, and so it goes, year after miserable year

So my guess, is no, keep drinking you last for decades, just going on and on and on, getting worse and worse, you seem pretty tough, waking up in your own puke and urine, in and out of institutions, dying is too easy and only seems to happen to people who aren't thinking about it.


-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 07:15:34 AM

SoberSteve wrote:

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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???^^^

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You know what to do,

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 07:13:56 AM

let's keep our responces to help threads in the form of  experience, strength, and hope.

Hey Steve,  I was stuck in the revolving door of AA for 2 years.  Going to meetings regularly (a couple a week), not using a sponsor, not engaging in the fellowship (making friends/hanging out with those recovering friends), not going to meetings daily, not working the steps, not attending step meetings, not reading the literature  and I couldn't
get more than 2 months sober.   A series of unfortunate "Yets" happened and my best drinking/using friend OD'd and died and I was finally ready to "take certain steps" abandon all of my reservations, follow all of the suggestions, go to meetings daily, find an excellent sponsor, work the steps dillegently, and get a circle of AA friends around me.  In my case I shared a 4 bedroom home with 3 others that had more than 2 years.  We ate together, went to meetings together, hung out and did all kinds of extracuricular activities.  They showed me how to have a life and have fun without drinking.  I owe them everything for being there and being an example to me.    I also stayed out of relationships for 3.5 years, which is also the amount of time I attended meetings every day.  I made getting sober my obsession, my mission, my number 1,2,3 priority.  I had to because I was a hard case.  I was sickier than most and needed a total overhaul.  My biggest problem was me and all the junk that I stored in my head
all those years.  I was truly mentally ill and didn't know it.  My disease was terminal, it was cunning baffling and powerful and it had me thinking that I was cunning, baffling, and powerful when in reality I was pittyful, ignorant, and an outcast from society headded for jail, institutions, or death.  The reality is that we most likely will live a prolonged painful life and die slowly unless we have the courage to end it somehow.  I wasn't affraid of death, I did not want to go to jail, but I was terrified about losing my sanity and I was already there.

My HP (Jesus) has a better plan for me. He has to if Im still alive after all this.

((((Steve,)))) whilst struggling in early sobriety - after yet another horrendous drinking binge, on yet another night out walking the streets drunk again....... I just looked up to the stars that were twinkling beautifully in the darkness and said almost the exact words you said there. I promise you - almost word for word.

Since that night I felt different ....very different......something had changed inside me - it was as if I heard a reply saying "I love you Louisa ....I put you on this earth , I love you......... give my way a try".  It was as if I had surrendered. I can't properly describe it.  I thought "yes God or whoever you are ....you can't have put me here on this planet for THIS"

Anyhow I'm not saying i went from that to sobriety over night ....I didn't........but I felt different and very soon I did get my 90 days...........now 8 years ....through God's grace a day at a time.

Yes!!It can happen for you too!!!!! You are a child of God and He loves you every bit as much as he loves all of us here!

((((A BIG HUG TO YOU))))
Louisa

When I became willing to do anything to stay sober, I stayed sober.

As long as I wanted to get drunk, I got drunk. Until ... I realized that drinking was gonna kill me.

I never even thought about 90 in 90. All I did was listen and follow instructions from my sponsor and I did that one day at a time.

Steve I can only say "continue to choose life man!!!!You can deal with it without being twisted, want it and do the work!! Suggestions from someone wanting it and doing the work!!      peace..... 

Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate all the love and prayers that have been sent my way...

I noticed a few people talking about re-doing step 1.  I'd like to go a little farther with that one - hope the author of this book doesn't mind me using copyrighted material - I am giving proper attribution at least.  The book is called "12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery", by Allen Berger, Ph.D.  I highly recommend it to anyone.

The following material is directly quoted from the above book, page 101-103

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You need to address why you can't accept the fact that you are powerless over alcohol and other drugs.  Until you can identify and address how you are preventing yourself from surrendering, you will be stuck in an endless loop of trying to get clean and then relapsing.  So let's explore what may be blocking you, where you are resisting this reality.  I can give you many ideas of what might be interfering with your surrender, but I would prefer it if you tried to discover it on your own.

A therapeutic exercise that I often do with my patients is to have them respond to incomplete sentences with the first thought that comes to their minds.  So here is what I would like you to do.  I am going to present you with a list of incomplete sentences.  I want you to get a notebook and a pen.  Next I want you to write down one incomplete sentence on the top of each page.  Respond to each incomplete sentence with as many endings as come to mind.  Be aware of your reaction to each sentence and write it down.  For instance, if I ask you to respond to "The most difficult thing about admitting that I am powerless over alcohol and other drugs is . . ." and you thought, I don't want to know the answer to that question, then write that down first.  Keep going, silently asking yourself the question again and writing down your next response.  Continue until you have written down all your responses.  Remember, whatever comes to your mind is grist for the therapeutic mill.

As you do this exercise, resist the desire to judge what you are thinking.  Instead, observe your reaction and write it down exactly as you think it.  There will come a time for you to look at what it all means later.  For now, just become aware of how you are blocking yourself from admitting and surrendering to your powerlessness over alcohol and other drugs.  So here we go.  Write down your responses to the following incomplete sentences:

My addiction is planning to defeat all my recovery efforts by . . .

The addict in me is planning to . . .

When I imagine a life without using, I feel . . .

A scary thing about recovery is . . .

A scary thing about using again is . . .

Using was my way of trying to say . . .

It's very hard for me to face . . .

One thing that the addict in me doesn't want to admit is . . .

If the addict in me could speak to you, he or she would say . . .

A clean-and-sober life might offer me hope for . . .

What my addiction doesn't want you to know is . . .

What surrender means to me is . . .

If I admit I am powerless over alcohol and other drugs, it would mean . . .

If I admit I am powerless over alcohol and other drugs, my opinion about myself would be . . .

A way I fool myself into thinking that I am not powerless over alcohol and other drugs is . . .

If I made a list of the events that indicate that I am powerless over alcohol and other drugs, I would have to conclude . . .

I am ashamed of . . .

Now read your answers out loud to yourself.  Often when you read out loud something you have written, you hear it differently than when you were writing.  Ask yourself the following questions:

Can I identify patterns or themes to my responses?

Am I able to put my finger on what I am doing to interfere with my surrender?

What am I aware of as I review my responses?

Share your answers with your sponsor or your therapist.  I recommend that you read them out loud to him or her too.  Ask your sponsor the three questions that I posed to you.  Get his or her feedback.  Sometimes awareness itself starts the process of change.

I hope this exercise will help you identify how you block your surrender.  The next thing I would like you to do is share your dilemma in meetings.  Whenever a request is made in a meeting for a topic, ask the group to discuss surrender and the difficulties experienced in surrendering.  When you have an opportunity, discuss your difficulty and ask the group members to share their experiences, strengths, and hopes with you.  This open discussion of your dilemma and the awareness-enhancing exercise may help you embrace and surrender to the reality of your powerlessness.

Great stuff SuperSquirell

Hi Steve, I remember thinking that I was destined to drink and die. I started believing that was my purpose of being here on earth. It was not until I enter the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that I started believing something different. This process is "one day at a time". I did not drink and kept coming back to meetings. I begin to learn about this disease called Alcoholism by studying the Big Book(Big Book study meetings), going to Step meetings and having a sponsor. One of the most important thing that I learned about Alcoholism was that I was suffering from it. When I fully accepted that I am a alcoholic and willing to let someone help me, I was on my way to freedom. My sponsor guided me through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and my life has changed for the better. Not only did God remove my obsession to drink, he took my life and turn it completely around. My personal relationship with God is indescribable. Hang in there and Keep Coming Back!