Home Improvement Bu**shit. I haven't wired a simple outlet in 15 years, much less did a switch-thru or whatever the hell you call it and I don't even know if it's legal! I'm trying to solve the "outlet+extension cord+surge suppressor+another six extension cords+air conditioner DOES NOT equal house fire.
I hate being owned by my house. Wife? Has to have a house. Thinks the kids do, too. I grew up in apartments and never even had to sweat mowing the freakin' lawn. I loved growing up with free time. I used to work construction and I don't any more. Why? I hated it!
A client can call me names, my car can break down, my kids can go apeshit on each other and I'm fine BUT "assign" me some home-improvement project and the case of beer calls out to me like a siren. That's how I used to bury the resentment and frustration. So tonight, after realizing just how f**ked I was...I expressed it. Not a tantrum, not a rage, just a normal person expressing a reasonable emotion. Family response? Eggshells.
Monday I'm calling some real tradesmen for bids. I need a new 20 amp circuit, one switched ceiling fixture and four to six outlets. Max load will be a window AC and TV/gaming junk.
The way father-in-law jirry-rigged it...a washer, dryer, dehumidifier and AC unit would be using the same circuit. He needs a retirement hobby that doesn't involve myt house.
You and I could bond over this home-improvement stuff. You should have seen me as I single-handedly replaced a heavy fluorescent light fixture in the kitchen WHILE DRINKING. There are certain things that should never be undertaken while drinking--you can still see the scars from my DFWI (deep frying while intoxicated).
I, too, gave up a lovely apartment with FABULOUS views of the Philadelphia skyline and a park with a river where there are sailboats and racing sculls. Where you picked up the phone and called maintenance if you had a problem.
I bought a townhome, and not only had a sewer backup on my fourth day of sobriety (causing thousands of dollars in damage), but a retaining wall behind my house (wall owned by homeowners association) is collapsing and bringing my house (and neighbors' houses) with it--I have already paid over ten grand to a lawyer and we haven't even filed a lawsuit yet. I feel like the world's most incompetent homeowner.
Good for you, calling the contractor. One thing I love about AA, there is no shortage of tradespeople. I have a good friend who's a union carpenter, and I had a plumber friend install a backflow prevention valve.
strange - the one thing I miss is home improvement - living in a rented house means that I'm severly limited as to what I'm allowed to do.
anyway, you solved the problem - stick to what you're good at, i.e. staying sober and earning money - and pay someone who's good at electrics to fix the damn electrics.
there ain't any triggers, just excuses.
in the words of papa chubby - let the music set you free.
Sell a few more minutes of airtime and use the money to pay someone to set you free rom home improvement.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
bikerbill wrote:there ain't any triggers, just excuses. Quoted for truth
"triggers" are imaginary, especially after a year of almost continuous sobriety, they are just another bullshit excuse our "disease" makes looking for an excuse to drink, my personal favorite is my mind tries to make so uncomfortable a drink seems like a good idea, it tries anger, anxiety, depression, it looks for any excuse I drank in the past about and tries to recreate it.
It's ALL imaginary
Fix the problem rather then keep trying to address the symptoms, the problem is our thinking before we do the steps
there is only freeedom or slavery, the thing about being powerless over alcohol doesn't just mean after we put it in our system, it also refers to things like "triggers" and obsessing about drinking when we are dry.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Yeah AM, Call the electrician! Stay sober. Look at it like this, what will a bad bender cost you with lawyers, hospitals, car repairs, loss of driving privledges, loss of work, divorce lawyer, bar tab, STD treatment, Youtube explainations, etc,etc. You need to get a nice cup of coffee and watch the electrician, and then shake his hand and say "Dude you just saved me thousands of dollars and years of extra life!" Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
bikerbill wrote:there ain't any triggers, just excuses. Quoted for truth
"triggers" are imaginary, especially after a year of almost continuous sobriety, they are just another bullshit excuse our "disease" makes looking for an excuse to drink, my personal favorite is my mind tries to make so uncomfortable a drink seems like a good idea, it tries anger, anxiety, depression, it looks for any excuse I drank in the past about and tries to recreate it.
It's ALL imaginary
Fix the problem rather then keep trying to address the symptoms, the problem is our thinking before we do the steps
there is only freeedom or slavery, the thing about being powerless over alcohol doesn't just mean after we put it in our system, it also refers to things like "triggers" and obsessing about drinking when we are dry.
I'm gonna have to agree with this one. I remember sitting in groups in rehab spending hours talking about identifying our triggers. 2 days before I left, the counselor that led those groups told me to "don't take all that trigger crap too seriously...we're required to teach it." That blew my mind, and shook the very weak foundation I had gained. He said "we can use triggers as a damn good excuse to drink", and now I get what he meant. We had to make a list of what we thought our triggers were so we could learn how to avoid them. If I had taken that route I would not get out of bed in the morning. I didn't get sober to learn how to avoid anything. I got sober to learn how to live life on life's terms. Today there is no doubt in my mind that the BB is 100% spot on when it tells us we can go anywhere and do anything IF we are spiritually fit.
Today I know that my attitudes and state of mind are a direct result of my spiritual condition. It's up to me and me alone. I have no problem at all going to the same haunts and being with the same people I was with before. The only difference now is I know when "enough is enough." I don't put myself in those situations often, but it's such a feeling of freedom to know that I can if the need arises. The only triggers I have today are the ones on my xbox 360 controller, and those aint gonna make me drink.
But that's just me... Brian
-- Edited by Reffner on Sunday 11th of July 2010 10:45:57 AM
yeah...i'd have to agree with triggers being excuses. We do talk about triggers in therapy and "treatment" and it does help to know so you don't get blindsided...but once you know what your supposed trigger is, if you let it take you out then...you are being foolish because you really knew ahead of time what was getting to you, what was bothering you, and you let it rule you back into drinking. I know you didn't do that here cuz you posted and hopefully have been sharing this with your sponsor prior to getting too worked up. I am in early sobriety still and sometimes I do get blindsided by little things in life that others would handle with more grace....but I do thank God and my sponsor for being there to help me walk through those moments.
P.S. I grew up a spoiled brat who would not mow the lawn even though my parents paid me 20 bucks when I did it. That is how lazy I am. Condo fees suck but I sure am glad I don't do any yardwork cuz I hate it.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yup I owned my own house for over 22 years,we are just selling and waiting for a closing as I write.We have moved into a house we are renting for awhile before we decide what were going to do.Plumbing,electricty,roofing,and the likes I just paid for the pro's,a choice I always felt comfortable with.Probably could have saved some$$$$ but the mental trauma for my attempts in those areas would far outweigh the cost..I stick to what Im capable of and let go of things I" choose not to do.I spent my early years of recovery living in "triggers" going to bars ,drinking water and lime,playing in bands in bars till wee hours of morning,lived with people that used ,until I could get away,so for me "triggers" as we call them were just areas that I choose to remove myself from in phases..Probably not the best scenario,but its what it was for me.I also smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day and those "triggers" were every where.Im glad New York State HAS NO SMOKING AREAS CAUSE I have no desire to smoke ,just the opposite,it makes me nauseous and kills my sinuses,just like even a smell of brown whiskey makes my gut flip...Not much on triggers...just my stuff.. Way to go Rob,call the guys who do that stuff unless you choose to increase your advenure in those areas.....
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hey Fred! how you doing? We are the group "living not to have a beer"That club's around the corner! Stop back in if your working toward the other side of the coin.......peace
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Who the fuck is THIS miscreation of fermentation? Yeah, I forgive you, of course I do...but you may find your view of the world improves once you pull your head out of your ass.
Kindly bugger off, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Sunday 11th of July 2010 09:09:08 PM
Rob...only one of the things that helped me alot when I was in similar straits was page 449 of the 3rd edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Course I would have to want to hear it before taking it on. Dr. Paul comes to mind. I also got lots of great feedback from the fellowship like you got here which saved my ass. I don't think I read the one "So you're planning another drunk?". Wiring? Really? ... what'd your sponsor say?
So now you've got two triggers wiring and a chain yanker. Where are you really at before the wiring thingy came up?
Who the fuck is THIS miscreation of fermentation? Yeah, I forgive you, of course I do...but you may find your view of the world improves once you pull your head out of your ass.
Kindly bugger off, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Sunday 11th of July 2010 09:09:08 PM
Heya Rob, I agree with what Jerry says, where you at BEFORE this wiring thing came up, I'd like to say with the wiring being a "trigger" and your response to the mutton headed chuckle boy who's not even worth a passing "huh" I mean I have pimples on my ass more irritating then asstard comments like that, I would like to express my concern.
I am now worried about you.
In the days and weeks preceding your previous "relapses" you have have shown up and started talking about being "triggered" by this and that, experience has shown me that folks that come to AA and start drinking or relapsing periodically start a definate pattern of drinking, and yours include being triggered by things that irritate you until you just lose it, it seems to build and build until a blowout occurs, you drink, then start fresh, newly huimble and actually pretty serene for awhile, I know we don't see eye to eye about this whole sobriety work the steps thing, but I care about you and like you, which is why I ride your ass to work the steps, I care more about you staying alive then hurting your feelings, or frankly whether you like me or not, It's more important to me that you live, I'd love to see you stay sober just to spite me even, but regardless:
Get help
Call your sponsor
Reach out at meetings, talk about your frustrations building as they have done in the past before you drank
Write out your previous relapse pattern and see if you can avoid it this time, don't drink even if your ass explodes man
Time to break the pattern
The reason we say resentment is the number one offender is because it's the biggest bullshit excuse in the world to drink, anger over-rides reason, we know the answer, and we buy that drink, and the whole thing was self induced, the relapse started when the resentments started piling up, alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and evidently your alcoholism manifests as deep seated resentments, just like most of us.
Deal with the problem Rob, the problem isn't the wiring, or fucktards on the internet, the problem is your brain telling you stories as it ramps up to get you to drink again.
-- Edited by AGO on Sunday 11th of July 2010 10:00:34 PM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Am I confused? I always thought "trigger" meant "things that make us think of drinking or wanting to drink." Not an excuse to drink -- which is always an excuse. I am genuinely just curious because I don't want to be using the term "trigger" when that is possibly a controversial term or maybe I don't actually know what it means.
For example, I always say my trigger is waking up at 3am and freaking out about all the things I have done wrong with my life. :) That's when I really want a drink. Go to a BBQ, hang out drinking cokes while friends have many many beers, no problem staying sober. But it's those 3am freakouts....
I really haven't had serious urges to drink, but I still use the term "trigger" to refer to what you might call a "cue" to drink. Strong, upsetting emotions, a familiar spot or situation where I used to drink, that sort of thing. They are only "excuses" if we pretend that they have the power to MAKE us drink.
The first few times (starting with my sewer backup on day four) that I felt overwhelming emotions, it felt very weird not to be able to simply numb them out the way I used to. I didn't want to drink, but I'd feel like I couldn't STAND the feeling, like I would go CRAZY. Um, no, actually I COULD stand it, and I wasn't going crazy. I called someone I'd just met from AA while water was gushing into my basement. I went to meetings. The feelings passed.
It felt odd the first time I was in a restaurant and my dining partners had wine (which I could smell). I wasn't a big wine drinker, but my first thought was that that would taste good with my steak. I concentrated on the food and the conversation, and pretty soon the feeling passed.
I think it's only by experiencing those "triggers" or "cues" and learning that we don't have to drink in response to them that they lose their power. We think the drink through, we learn healthier ways to deal with the overwhelming feelings.
So I suppose it depends on how you think of the term. If by "trigger" you mean something that literally "causes" you to drink, yeah, that's an excuse. If "trigger" just means something that makes you feel like having a drink, or reminds you of it, I think it's just something you want to be alert for and deal with in the right way when it comes up.
Aquadude, electricity and water don't go together to well. This is part of learning to live life on life's terms. The anger and frustration is a disguise for fear of failure (perfectionism). We also have a hard time asking for help. I suffer from this regularly. I've found that if I get some books, consult with some knowledgeable people and do a little planning, the projects come together "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly but they will always materialize IF we are willing to work for them".
Hey Rob, showing your anglophile tendencies, nicely put. I hope you're not upset at the 'there are no triggers, just excuses statement'. Triggers may exist early on, but I feel that I soon saw that what I thought were triggers were just convenient excuses for me - I believe that we all get to a point where we see that what we thought were triggers are really excuses.
Once I started working this programme in earnest, with honesty and with a sponsor then I saw triggers for what they were. If this incident was a 'trigger' - then it wasn't the DIY that was the issue, it may have been your feelings behind your (re) actions - were they based on fear of failure, fear of dissppointing those who you think you need to impress?
Like I said, we are better off sticking at what we are good at and what is important. In my case, staying sober and making enough money to pay someone to do what they are good at.
I'm pleased you used the term bugger off -perhaps not one in common use in America, but a pithy saying over here. So as far as your use of triggers - maybe we are disagreeing over semantics. For example I didn't know what Hubris was until I asked. I had an idea what it meant and could have blindly mis used the word (it's a nice sounding word that might make me seem well read or intellectual) but I thought it better to ask what the writer meant by it.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Monday 12th of July 2010 06:13:00 PM
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
As you know, I moved recently from home to apartment due to impending divorce. At home, thanks to my workaholic avoidant husband, I did all the repairs. The house was nearly 100 years old, it was a "Sears and Roebuck" house, one of those tall narrow 2-story homes. It sat on a hill yet the basement would flood with heavy rain or snow's thaw. Half the electrical outlets would not work. The kitchen had a drop ceiling where, if you lifted a portion, you could see the original ceiling torn halfway out and damaged by a once-leaking roof. I was the home repair person. Every wrench ever twisted in there was twisted by me, or someone hired. (Usually an AA guy who needed a side job.)
Now I am in a historical building, an old apartment. Everything works. All I do is clean. The landlord installed 110 V outlets in each dining room to accommodate a window AC unit. Bright man, as the circuit breakers can't handle all that much surge otherwise. I have to be careful what I plug in. And I dare not use the toaster oven and the microwave at the same time! But the AC plug runs seperate, somehow, and that works well and does not blow out. Smart land lord.
But it is home. The house was home, despite the aggravation. The apartment is now home. And the circuit breaker is positioned behind the refrigerator, but the fridge is on wheels for easy sliding in and out to trip the switch. Again, Brilliant.
Your home, as aggravating as it may be, is an investment. It is something you will be able to either leave your children, or use to afford a nice retirement. Enjoy it. And extra work? There are plenty of guys in AA around here who are willing to helo out for an honest wage. I will send some of them over if you like!
Take care Rob. ;o)
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
This is part of learning to live life on life's terms. The anger and frustration is a disguise for fear of failure (perfectionism). We also have a hard time asking for help. I suffer from this regularly. I've found that if I get some books, consult with some knowledgeable people and do a little planning, the projects come together "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly but they will always materialize IF we are willing to work for them".