I've heard people talk about "firing" their sponsors, about sponsors "firing" their sponsees. I find that term disillusioning I thought we were here to help one another.
Sponsor
Human relationships change, for all sorts of reason, and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that reality. Sponsors, like sponsees, are just people in recovery, growing and working the Steps; we don't always handle things perfectly. One sponsor may take on more than he or she is really prepared to handle; with phone calls coming day and night from an overload of sponsees, frequency or quality of communication may be inadequate. Another sponsor may enjoy being bossy and have trouble recognizing the difference between passing on program experience and trying to impose his or her will in areas where personal choice is appropriate. A sponsor may discover that a sponsee lacks the desire for recovery or has significant problems in an area in which the sponsor has no experience.
When differences are resolved by talking and listening, relationships grow and deepen. Are we avoiding necessary confrontation with ourselves or others? Or does growth, this time, mean that it's appropriate to separate? Honesty, courage, and love are qualities that help us make transitions in our relationships.
Today, my willingness to grow enhances my relationships with others.
I've found that sometimes I can be of better help to some people by not trying to be too helpful. Seems like I want to be helpful to the point of enabling, and that's no help to anyone. It's becoming more and more obvious to me working at the rehab center, where I want to give away everything I have, and end up with nothing for myself. Sometimes we've got to let people learn for themselves, the same way I had to.
Thanks for giving me something to think about today Larry!
i was always fearful of confrontation in relationships. even when i didnt like something that was being said or done or dicated, i feel my relationships have changed since i came into recovery, my 1st sponsor was the first REAL relationship i had with another human being in that i learned slowly to get honest without fear. confrontation is never easy but its getting easier, because i am no longer the doormat the people pleaser. my sponsor was gentle with me and thought me not to be so hard on myself because that only kept me stuck. i cannot have a relationship with anyone in life today without honesty listening talking and working things out or else i am not being true to myself and i or the other person will not grow and learn thats whats important to me. in aa i learn as much today from the newcomer as do the oldtimer its all revelant! thanks larry for this topic its very important to me :)
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life is a journey not a destination peace xx Trace
