I did not believe that a power greater than myself could restore me sanity, otherwise I would not have relapsed at my 1st entry into AA. I was convinced that I was powerless over alcohol and that I was a real alcoholic, but I was just not convinced that the 12 steps could get me well. "Being convinced ,we were at Step Three.." BB pg 60. I was not convinced, therefore I did not recover. On my re-entry after I experienced a little more pain and suffering, I got down to investigating this program. Before it was contempt prior to investigation, and sloth that made me scoff. Thank God for me it was just one relapse and I immediately got on to the program. I sought the best sponsorship that was available. I made it an absolute priority to study and understand the AA book thoroughly. I work the steps on a daily basis, to keep in fit spiritual condition just like I exercise to keep in fit physical condition. That is all that I have done in over 21 years and it still works. It's not a mystery or an enigma, it's all about doing the things which are suggested in the AA book. I found that it requires less energy to work the steps in AA , than to seek any other methods. "no further authentication will be necessary." BB pg xiii.
Hi Gonee,God bless you...I came into the process as one feeding on milk with my relationship with my HP. Although my spiritual readings everyday showed me what I needed to do ,the spiritual priciples of the program allowed others into my life,Gods plan,to get me out of my own head,share my guilt,my fears,make amends,serve my fellow man and really tighten up my walk with the God of my understanding ..I no longer half step/I have totally surrendered to my faith beliefs and the spiritual principles of the program.Though my God has always been there,my new way of life really began when I agreed to be honest,open minded and willing to be all He intended me to be and through His grace and mercy ,daily work,I am getting closer and closer.. I surrender all!!.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Great post on a great quote - thank you Gonee! I have been in that place where I did not believe that a Power Greater Than Myself could restore me to sanity, even though I knew I was powerless and my life was unmanageable. It is just hard to imagine life any other way, if that is all I have known. Thank goodness I came to know others who described how I felt, but seemed to have a different life after working the steps!
Such a great post Gonee. Can relate absolutely. It took me a long time to *believe* that my HP, through a relationship developed using the 12 steps, could restore me to sanity, at least where the drink (read poison) was concerned. I didn't get that the first time and relapsed. I often felt hopeless.
I guess you could say that my spiritual awakening has definitely been of the "educational variety", but, lo and behold, when I started to *believe* that my HP could restore me to sanity, then I started to get tangible results. Any by tangible results I mean this: thanks to my Higher Power, with which AA has helped me to develop a relationship, I have not had, nor I am going to have an alcoholic drink, today.
Thank you all. It took me many relapses to be honest, open and WILLING to believe in anything outside of myself. Self reliance, self will and deviance ran rapid with me and I didn't even know it. When I was beaten down enough- the desparation led me to an oldtimer. I asked him to be my sponsor. He was my God until I found my real HP. I describe it this way- AA got me to a sponsor, my sponsor got me to the steps and the steps connected me with God. Through pray, sponsorship, meetings, steps and being there for others; I've had a spiritual awakening. I've found that God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. I stay connected by doing the same mentioned above.
In the beginning: Being a logical person I wanted to see to believe..... A good friend of mind told informed with God I need to believe to see......
