I need help...I can't do this anymore

Cunningnbaffling · Newbie

I need help...I can't do this anymore

AGO · MIP Old Timer

This is great news, I know it sounds strange for me to say that, but it is

today you have "the gift of desperation", if you use that to go to a meeting, raise your hand, ask for help, do 90 in 90, get a sponsor who has a sponsor who have both worked the steps out of the book your life can change, you never have to drink again, you don't have to do this alone

go to a meeting today

I have been sober 3 times in AA, the last time I drank I got out of jail at 5AM, it was raining and maybe 40 degrees, I was in a Tshirt and lost in the country and I had pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, and I was thankful.

I recognized it, I knew I was so miserable I could parley that into sobriety, that if I hustled my little hiney to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the steps, I'd never have to drink again, and that is my experience

It's also my experience if I sat on my butt, nothing changed, it just got worse, because if nothing changed, nothing changed.

It's up to you, this can be the best day of your life, or it can just be "more of the same" on the downhill slide to institutions, insanity or death

Today, you have a choice, and the misery you are experiencing gives you the power to make that choice, AA, sobriety, freedom and the steps and a great life

or

more of the same, just worse

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hello kEN! glad you joined us.Your call name here is missing the last part of this statement"cunning .baffling and insidious"(insidious from thersaurus says..a disease developing so gradually as to be well established before becoming apparent/having a gradual cumulative effect/awaiting a chance to entrap/harmful but enticing.. any of these ring a bell? :) You have a basis so this time when you get back think about "what you are going to do different? Our literature tells us if you have little control over the amount of alcohol you take your probably alcoholic and if that be the case you are suffering from an illness that only a spiritual experience will conquer.Our steps are the solution and through them you can "come to believe" THAT' a power greater than yourself,which only needs to be loving and caring and greater than you can set you on a spiritual journey that will keep you sober.(GOT DO SOME WORK,WILLINGNESS)You know the drill...90/90 get a sponsor/make meetings /do service early(make coffee/pass out pamphlets/set up chairs) etc.Will get you there early and keep you late.You know that this can only occur with complete admission,surrender and willingness.Do this for you,not the courts /judge etc,want it and go get it.Remeber we will love you until you can love yourself...Let us know how your first meeting back goes. smile

gonee · MIP Old Timer

The great thing about the 1st step in recovery, is that we have to admit that we are utterly powerless over alcohol. You have done that today. Now move on to the next step, and seek for power. AA is that power. We have the power of the fellowship of recovered alcoholics and the power gained through working the 12 step recovery program. Your present circumstances are irrelevant to your recovery. Every meeting you go to and every honest effort in working the steps will ensure that you will get well from alcoholism.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Ken and welcome to the board. You're in the right place. Fear of getting another DUI is what brought me in. I knew that I was powerless over the first drink and that I would have to just not drink that first drink, one day at a time, forever. It seemed like an impossible task, till I finished going to 90 meetings in 90 days and I had 90 days of continuous sobriety. After that I had hope that I could continue to stay sober. Just to be certain, I attended daily meetings for another 39 more months. I don't know why but after 3.5 years of continuous sobriety, I had hope that I'd be able to stay sober, one day at a time, for as long as I made it my primary purpose. That's pretty much all it took, and following the suggestions laid out in the book, meetings, and by my sponsor. If you want it badly enough, and are willing to do whatever it takes, you too can stay sober. Get busy with it.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 13th of June 2010 08:49:02 PM

SUSIE · Senior Member

I was where you are 2 L/2 years ago. Except I think I was still in jail at this point. Second DUI...wondering what the heck, don't they know who I am?? lol Like AGO said best thing that could happen to you. That is if you take the gift. I didn't know I was an alcoholic and when the judge told me to do 90/90 i couldn't believe it. How was expected to do that when the secretary of state took my license? well if you want it bad enough and give your will over with step 3....well let me just tell you things start to happen. It was the best thing that could happen to me!!! I have started a new life, a better life. Today I go and get the interlock device off my car. I have traveled the path of AA and the promises are happening! I know just how your feeling I have been there. But your in the right place. Give AA a chance. You will get better one day at a time. Good Luck to you.

ljc · MIP Old Timer

I couldnt help myself.
Thats why I finally surrendered to the program of AA and everything that comes along with it ..... God, the Steps, a sponsor.

I remember how depressed I was after my 2nd dui offense.

You're not alone. You can get and stay sober. What are you willing to do ???

Bob K · Senior Member

Cunningnbaffling wrote:
I don't know how I let this happen to me again. I don't know why I let myself drink when I know that I have an alcohol problem and I can't drink without getting into trouble.

The reason this happened to you again is stated in the first step. You are powerless over alcohol. Go back to the first step, take this step 100% if you don't none of the others will work and you will remain baffled as to why this keeps happeneing. Then move to 2 and 3 no human power can relieve our aclcoholism.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Cunningnbaffling - Glad you posted. I got my D.U.I.'s long before I came to A.A. I had to go a lot further.

I didn't care if I ever drove again, I didn't care if I had friends or not. (or so I told myself) I didn't care that family only tolerated me. I didn't care about anything. (or so I told myself) I really felt like a nothing in this world and would beg whatever God was out there to please take me out. Even when others were around, I was alone. There are no real words to explain the hellish place I was in. Good News-----You don't have to go that far!!!

I finally cryed the prayer "God, I can't stand this anymore, please help me." And He did, I found myself in an A.A. meeting that night. For today... Life is worth living and I feel I have a purpose. I had to do somethings that weren't easy for me, but today I'm glad I did.

One of the things I believe that helps me, then and today, is when I wake I say to God, "Thank you for the sober day I had yesterday. I'm still powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable, please give me what I need to get through this day without a drink." And then I think about (which) meeting (s) I will hit.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing - You are not alone.

Cunningnbaffling · Newbie

Thank all of you for the responses. I am working today to get in touch with AA and also to get some other counseling for this problem. I think the problem all along is that I have been telling myself I can handle this...I just won't drink.....but then something stressful happens in my life and I rationalize that....gee it is okay to get drunk....then my problems are magnified.

I think I am what they call double-trouble because I also have bipolar disorder as well. I am going to reach out this morning and get myself to a meeting.

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Powerless over alcohol means there will come a day when all the will power in the world won't help you not pick up the first drink, that you have a disease that will convince you that you don't have it, that you have no defense against the first drink.

The folks I know in AA that are bi-polar, it's not their bi-polar that makes their alcoholism worse, it's their alcoholism that makes their bi-polar worse, until one addresses their alcoholism other issues can't be addressed successfully

from here on out it's up to you, you have admitted the problem and been offered the solution, if you drink again it will be because you lied to yourself, so time to get cracking and get that defense against that first drink

Simple · Senior Member

So glad for this post, and glad you are getting yourself to a meeting today. I agree that this could be the best thing, if it convinces you that you are truly alcoholic and embrace the AA program completely. You are right in thinking that you can't prevent yourself from picking up that first drink, if you are alcoholic then you are completely unable to stop of your own accord - EVER. It is a hopeless state of body and mind, but we can say that honestly because we have a solution. So hopefully this will open your eyes and make you willing to reach out for help. Let us know how it goes!

barisax · Senior Member

AGO wrote:

The folks I know in AA that are bi-polar, it's not their bi-polar that makes their alcoholism worse, it's their alcoholism that makes their bi-polar worse, until one addresses their alcoholism other issues can't be addressed successfully

Substitute almost any affliction, behavior, or condition for "bi-polar" and you've got something. I was an asshole, alcohol made me a worse asshole. I was lazy, alcohol made me more lazy. I was irresponsible, alcohol made me more irresponsible. I was dishonest, alcohol made me more dishonest. I tried for years to become a better person, more responsible, more honest, but I got nowhere while I was drinking. Solving my life's problems didn't lead to me getting sober. Getting sober gave me a crack at solving life's problems.

Barisax

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Howdy, Ken, welcome. Great that you're getting yourself to a meeting today.

I can remember waking up so many times, sick, dry heaving and hungover, the back of my throat (I think that they call it the epiglottis?) literally hanging down to my tongue b/c it was so inflamed from the booze and thinking "I am going to die from this -- and soon." I'd be shaking, a bit from the withdrawal and a bit from the fear of what I'd done in black out the night before. Even that didn't get me able to admit that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.

To me, Step 1 was THE hardest step. So, glad to hear that you're leading right off with that admission. My inability to do that caused me a lot more pain. As I have found out, that Step 1 admission itself wasn't enough to keep me from drinking. It gave me the self-knowledge to understand why I couldn't stop drinking, even when I knew that it was wrecking my body and my mind, not to mention other peoples' lives. Like others have said, I too could not stop drinking on self-knowledge alone.

The good news: I found that when I got to AA meetings and started working the program post-Step 1, I didn't need to wake up like that -- and I haven't had a drink today.

Keep coming back! :)

Steve

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

barisax wrote:

AGO wrote:

The folks I know in AA that are bi-polar, it's not their bi-polar that makes their alcoholism worse, it's their alcoholism that makes their bi-polar worse, until one addresses their alcoholism other issues can't be addressed successfully

Substitute almost any affliction, behavior, or condition for "bi-polar" and you've got something. I was an asshole, alcohol made me a worse asshole. I was lazy, alcohol made me more lazy. I was irresponsible, alcohol made me more irresponsible. I was dishonest, alcohol made me more dishonest. I tried for years to become a better person, more responsible, more honest, but I got nowhere while I was drinking. Solving my life's problems didn't lead to me getting sober. Getting sober gave me a crack at solving life's problems.

Barisax

Well said!

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Welcome back! I have had far too many friends that went back out and never made it back. You said you were in AA before.

What are you going to do different this time?

If you can't answer this question your chances are less than average.

What worked fo me was asking God for help and getting a sponsor who had worked the steps. Then I followed ALL of his suggestions no matter what. Especially the suggestions I thought were wrong.

As it turned out everything I knew absoulutly to be true was in fact wrong.

Larry,
-----------------
It wasn't my drinking, it was my thinking.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

"Powerless over alcohol means there will come a day when all the will power in the world won't help you not pick up the first drink, that you have a disease that will convince you that you don't have it, that you have no defense against the first drink."

AGO put that so well. Thank You!

Welcome CunningnBaffling...get to a meeting, reads your books and get a God...any God. Sh*t, check E-Bay...just get you one.

Peace,
Rob

Rainspa · Senior Member

Aquaman wrote:
"Powerless over alcohol means there will come a day when all the will power in the world won't help you not pick up the first drink, that you have a disease that will convince you that you don't have it, that you have no defense against the first drink."

And then that reading goes on, (and I'm paraphrasing)

no human defence against alcohol.

no human power could save us, but God could, and would (bit of good news there) if he were sought.

It's not just to leave the reader with the bleak idea that there is no hope or control, but the new and happy idea that there is a power that WILL surpass any human power (including AA) and that power is willing, able and available for the asking.