My expectations have overpowered my acceptance...

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

My expectations have overpowered my acceptance...

SUSIE · Senior Member

This is the place to do it. I have no doubt you will get your allignment!! Peace

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Aquaman wrote:

Therefore I am outside of Serenity...at the moment.
It's all little stuff, really, when compared to ther people's troubles.
The production guy got snotty with me at work, "f-bombed" me a couple of times because my creative quality process wasn't fast enough for him.

Ya see, he's never been in on the fiscal contingency meetings where we The Sales Team and Management look over the "what-ifs".
Q: What if the sales fall below 80% of goal for 3-months in a row?
A: Production Guy is gone and replaced by the owner working over-time.
A little effin' respect for the sales team is in order, I think.

Today...Boss gives me a lecture about turning orders in at the last minute (starts Monday!). Sorry, Boss. I sell the product and if it is PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE (not "convenient") it's the on-air and support staff's job to make it happen.

Kids are fighting. I'm cranky. My expectations have overpowered my acceptance and shattered my serenity. Now I must re-align my channels with God's Will.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my petty annoyances before they grew into triggers.

Peace,
Rob

I got say, when I bring shit like this to my sponsor, I get my ass chewed HARD, self centered self important it's all about me resentments, oh my GOD

The Other morning I was headed to work and was angry like you wouldn't believe, Guy I was working for had asked me to work longer hours but stated he couldn't afford to pay me my regular wage, much less my higher rate for large or life threatening jobs and this job was larger and more dangerous then any I have been to in over 10 years, and right next to and directly above high voltage wires, I have photos of me 130 feet in the air directly above these wires

my day

cont

1 more

and he left, left all the responsibility for job completion on me, and didn't give me the tools for it, he wanted a 5 day job done in 3 days, and didn't give me the tools nor the manpower to do the job, just whinged at me every day because I wasn't getting it done fast enough.

Meanwhile I had broken up with my girlfriend, so all I wanted to do was stick a gun in my mouth, literally, I was homicidal and suicidal both, so I'm driving to work focusing on the 2 of them and how I could win these arguments, and I asked myself what I wanted to accomplish

I want to fit in with the world around me, I want to stop fighting and stop struggling

I realized I have been dealing with these two people and situations like it all of my life, the only thing different this time was my reaction, which was Andrewgeddon

So I put the focus on me

I approached my boss, and told him, in the future if we want to avoid this we need to A, B, and C

(I have experience with large jobs, he doesn't)

I offered solution

He interupted me halfway through and said "Andrew, this was all my fault, I didn't know x, y and z were going to happen, in the future we will do as you suggest"

My discussion with my ex is no one's business but my own, but it had similar results, ie I got relief

We never "win" arguments

ever

When I stop trying to run the show and have everything go my way, I have a good day

So looking at your post, 2 out of 3 "complaints" are about you not doing your job fast enough, but since you are so important, and the production guy owes his very livelihood to your munificent benevolance and you are so much higher on the food chain then he is, you don't feel he deserves your consideration, you are a very important man, I get it.

So what I do, and have done is start with listing these things

Resentful at-------------------The reason----------affects my---------my part

or:

I Am Angry At... What They Did...... X This Affects My..... The Underlying Fear
Self Esteem
Financial Security
Emotional Security
Sexual Relationships
Physical Security

Production guy-------called me names, doesn't know important I am, yelled at me to start doing my job on time
Boss----------yelled at me to do my job on time, doesn't realize how important I am, doesn't realize it's somebody else's fault
Kids -------- are fighting, being noisy, don't they realize I need to relax?

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tr ied to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame?

You can fill in the "affects my" and "my part", instructions are in the book, you might find it more helpful then a trigger list, a trigger list will address the symptoms, a fourth step will address the problem, and whenever I don't know what the problem is, it is suggested I go look in the mirror, so far it has never been wrong yet

here are some links

http://www.healtalk.com/public/chapter-5.shtml

http://www.io.com/aamen/steps.html

-- Edited by AGO on Friday 11th of June 2010 08:54:24 PM

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hey Rob! check this out,I have worked at a facility for people with disabilities for little more than 31 years(first 5 years still active)I am a production manager in the workshop.I have been at odds with the sales person for almost all of those years.She has also been there as long as I have.We were actually sent to EAP by my last director cause they didnt know what to do with us.We are both dominant people and have different outlooks on different things.We have always had a pretty laid back management team that really "don't make decisions".Its always very non commital and grey and makes me nuts.I love direction and focus(some obsessive compulsive stuff!!!).For years now I have prayed and remained as humble as possible.Last year she started working only 3 days a week and that eased some of the strain.She is a little older than I am and her health is failing.Even with 9th step amends and paying attention not only to my higher power but trying to work spiritual principles I still have my moments(sometimes struggle very badly with that obsessive need to be right thing and tolerence not always where I would like it to be)But by the grace of God I am light years better than I was years ago with this.We have each found out what areas we can relate in and we are aware of what fires us up!I would honestly say that it is the last "difficult " area in my life so I work extra hard at making it cohesive.We are both very valuable people to our agency, she is wonderful at her job,procurement for workshop,we have similar goals for our population,supply and ensuring they have meaningful work each and every day,we just have different moral and spiritual values and our approaches are very different..Manufacturing and workshop situations have been difficult in last few years but we do our best in a trying period for all.I tell you this because I Can really identify with your situation .I can only suggest from my experience that people should always be more important than products, and when we lose track of that idea things get very "every man for them self -ish!!!Hang in there Rob.just because were not drinking dont mean we are hanging in the rose garden.In fact,now I am writing this, I will make an extended effort when the salesman comes back in tuesday to give her a hug..That will teach her a lesson:) thanks for sharing your guts ,thats how we stay well!!! oh yeah, give the kids a kiss,don't worry they'll be driving you crazy for years:) smile

Reffner · Senior Member

When I discuss things like this with my sponsor, I get a good a$$ chewin' too AGO. At the end of the conversation he always tells me..."refer to rule 62". Hence the reason for my avatar change.

I can relate to the problems with the kids. I'm a stay at home Dad, and it's summer...I hear it all day long. I guess HP thinks I need to work on my patients and acceptance of the things I can't change. My sponsor often tells me "If God trusts you enough to put these sort of situations in your life, then you should trust Him enough to know He ain't gonna make you go through them alone."

Good advice if you ask me!

Brian

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Thanks, ya'll. I'm not bringing any of this to my sponsor because
1) He's a multiple radio station owner and his opinion is that when numbers go down...fire the on-air staff and replace them with free interns who just get off on hearing their voices on the air. All of on-air staff are cross-trained into other aspects of the operation.
2) His Mom died 3 days ago. All he needs from me is my daily call-ins and gratitude. His position in the Program and Humility to his HP is what he needs.

I'm fixin' to look up this Rule 62.

Thanks Ya'll
Rob

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Rob, I couldn't work for a few months (as you know). And it was horrible. Being away helped me to realize how very much I missed it. I got the pleasure of working yesterday for a full day. I was nervous as hell, but my fears of inadequacy melted away in the first 5 minutes. Stress is going to happen. I am just so damned grateful that I have a job. I am just so damned grateful.

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Aquaman wrote:

Thanks, ya'll. I'm not bringing any of this to my sponsor because
1) He's a multiple radio station owner and his opinion is that when numbers go down...fire the on-air staff and replace them with free interns who just get off on hearing their voices on the air. All of on-air staff are cross-trained into other aspects of the operation.
2) His Mom died 3 days ago. All he needs from me is my daily call-ins and gratitude. His position in the Program and Humility to his HP is what he needs.

I'm fixin' to look up this Rule 62.

Thanks Ya'll
Rob

Rule 62 is: Don't take yourself so goddamed seriously

just a question, but isn't he the sponsor that fired you before because "he needs to be the front line of your defense"? That you need to bring him your stuff and stop trying to think on your own?

His opinion about whether to fire people is irrelevent, his experience about how to successfully navigate emotional difficulties in sobriety and what steps to bring to bear when you are in conflict with the entire world around are what is relevent to your sobriety, not how to run your radio station.

If you don't talk to him, he can't help you, and for me, and anyone else that has ever had a sponsee, the reason sponsees are so important is they get us out of our head, as in when my life is a wreck, everything is at a stand still, the wheels have fallen off, and the phone rings and it is a sponsee reciting his litany of woes I am immediately "out of my head", it is exactly what I need to hear at that time, that the harder my life is, the more important my sponsees are?

To anyone that has had a sponsee that is our experience, that is precisely why they are so important, we get to be the conduit of God to our sponsees, and the healing behind that is precisely how this program works. That everything we say to them is exactly what we needed to hear at that time. Our sponsees save our lives, who are you to decide what that man needs?

All he needs from me is my daily call-ins and gratitude. His position in the Program and Humility to his HP is what he needs.

All he needs from you is to call and tell the F'ing truth, gratitude lists are nice but if they aint the truth, they aint relevent, gratitude lists are nice and helpful, but they aren't "real", why don't you try being real with him? tell the truth and he has something to work with, and if he asschews you, take your lumps and realize only the parts that hurt are the parts that were the truth and you were "guarding" and "protecting", this thing doesn't work by telling gratitude lists, it works by being fearless and thorough from the very start and suiting up and showing up and telling the truth no matter what.

When I took steps 1-2 and 3 I realized I wasn't competent to run my own life, that I didn't know what was best for me, much less anyone else, and the the moment I thought I knew what was best for others much less what to tell my sponsor, I am on the slippery slope of being not only my higher power, but everyone else's too, and I have successfully undone steps 3 - 12, because I am running the show, I have undone step 2 because my insane thinking is running the show again, and I have undone step one, because not only am I managing my own life, I am managing my sponsors life

Why don't you stop being his higher power, and let his higher power decide what is best for him and utilize him as he and the program suggests?

just an idea

you try the columns? those pesky step thingies? they work too

-- Edited by AGO on Saturday 12th of June 2010 04:41:23 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

I have worked with disabled adults who were trying to hit me and bite me while I was changing their diapers. It could get worse at work...trust me.

McGowdog · Veteran Member

Prayers going up to your sponsor.

Rob, I'm going to offer you a consideration.

I for one, hope things smooth out in our job situation and you can be free of this and happy.

Now, the word "acceptance" interests me much. I look at it as both a noun "acceptance" and a verb "accept", but either way, it's a state of consciousness.

Either we have it or not. The tool that leads us to acceptance is "forgiveness".

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Rob that's why you have friends in MIP for. To vent.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

pinkchip wrote:

I have worked with disabled adults who were trying to hit me and bite me while I was changing their diapers. It could get worse at work...trust me.

That is a much needed dose of wisdom and reality for me today. I've been having a personal pity party myself with stuff at work (mostly down to my own carelessness, pride/arrogance/grandiosuty, laziness, "good enough"ism, etc.)....to say the least, this gives...perspective. Thanks PC. :)

And Rob: like gonee says, MIP is a great old vent place. I never get bored. Vent away dude.

S

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Wow, lots of restlessness, iritable and discontent being shared here. Im in the same boat as a few of you. Been a ruff couple weeks. Im sick of my job and I own my own business and pretty much so the only employee , lol.

Lots of good suggestions here too. Thanks to all who have shared . It not only lets me know that Im not alone, but that pickin up a drink certainly isnt gonna solve any of my temporary problems.

I have decided for myself and my situation to take a step back .... really take a good look at whats going on and then - make some changes.

Im praying and asking for Gods guidance. Im also asking for patience, tolerance and kindness towards others. I will also get in touch with my sponsor very soon and share with her whats going on.

I need to remember the slogans ... Keep it simple, This too shall pass, first things first.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Everything is fine now.
My only wish is for something I have NO control over and must certainly accept; weather. I'm taking a new sober-friend fishing this afternoon and if we had sunshine...I could take him to THE BEST PLACE EVER...and know that we could dry-off comfortably after the wade/swim across the current to get there. But alas; 10mph wind, water temp of 58, air temp of 70 and no sun (or waders, or wetsuits).

So, as in so many other things in sobriety, I accept it and go with plan "B", or "C" or even "D".

Peace,
Rob

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Rob

I always try to remember the 10th step axiom. I no longer give people power to cause me trouble. I cause myself enough trouble.

Larry,
----------------
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
- Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)