I am Richard and I'm a miserable alcoholic prick. Maybe cause I haven't been sober in over 10-15 years, who knows anymore. I haven't been to jail because of alcoholism, never lost a job due to it either. But I'm miserable! I have told my friends I was gonna stop over and over again. I have told myself I wouldn't get behind the wheel drunk too. And in the last 2 years I have became familiar with blackouts... Did I mention I'm %@%$@ miserable?
Last night I sent an email and was given a list of local AA meetings and woke up and went to one before work. It felt good to hear people talking about AA also standing for attitude adjustment. I need that and I NEED and WANT to be sober. I went to work and managed not to snap on anyone (I haven't told anyone i went to a meeting), I even joked about drinking with my co-workers. Ughhh.. I feel like my whole life if a fraud. When I got out of work I would have killed to go to a meeting but there were none at that time. I found this site. There are no meetings I can go to until 10 tomorrow night due to my work. I ate ice cream to calm my craving and now I just want to sleep... I just don't really know how to with out being buzzed. I have less than 24 hours of sobriety. this sucks.
Welcome to MIP, Richard!!! Yes, the first days are tough, but just know that we all started with that first day, and we only focus on one day of sobriety at a time. It is great that you went to a meeting today; that's the first step. When you go to a meeting tomorrow, make a commitment to yourself that you'll get a phone number from at least one sober guy there, and then use it. I've both made and taken many a late night call with sober friends in A.A., particularly in the early sobriety days, because it really helps to have one on one contact with people who truly understand. And, keep going to meetings (we suggest 90 meetings in the first 90 days).
Remember, all you have to do is not drink right now, and you really can never get out of "right now." Believe me, it will get easier and easier, and better and better, one day at a time.
Please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing; you'll get lots of support here at MIP.
Thank you, your post brought me right back to the itchy beginnings of sobriety. For me, asking for help because I was sick of being miserable was the all important beginning action. I had to try to stay open-minded and willing after that, to listen and do what others suggested. I hope you get to another meeting and get some phone numbers. You can always come here; I've found it a great help. It is so worth the hard stuff.
Those first days are truly hell. For me it felt like me against the world. But in AA we learn we never have to fight the battle alone like BGG said get some phone numbers and fight the heavy phone syndrome, pick it up and make a call, we AA's love helping other AA's. Stick to your meetings and pray. There is a saying "God and AA didn't open up the gates of heaven and let me in God and AA opened up the gates of hell and let me out."
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
I can remember sitting in a room with my first sponsor, mid 70 year old man who brought me to the wrong meeting(Gay/Bi-sexual meeting)and then asked me what I thought after the meeting was over...I was still twitching from the last weeks twister..I said I dont know Bob,there is something different about these people,I don't know if I can do this>He uses some very descriptive words in addressing me saying you just don't want this, its all an excuse,then he pulls out his list says"oh sorry kid we were supposed to go to other building,newcomers meeting ,we looked at each other and cracked up..I continued to show up and it got easier one day at a time.That was 1984.I drifted for awhile, sober but a mess physical,spiritually and mentally. but my HP eventually put some rude awakenings in my life and allowed me to see I needed to do the work"(our solutions,the steps,get a sponsor,talk about my stuff and give back thru service)Just for Today,I stay vigilante ,do the work and know that just "one bad decision could send me back to a spot I most likely won't return from..One helping another ,thats how we do it!!!You don't have to live like this anymore,congrats on any sober time you have,it can definitely at times be your biggest asset!..let us know how its going...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Richard, Welcome! We've all been there. It will get better. Good suggestions above by the fellowship. Make sobriety and recovery your top priority and everything else will fall into place.
Welcome to the club Richard. It can be a rough ride first, but if you work this program one day at at time, ask for help, help others and get to meetings, the good news is that you don't need ever to drink again. You'll start not even to miss the booze, you'll just develop a feeling of neutrality towards the juice.
Well, I hit another meeting tonight. Got a number and made it through another day SOBER. I gotta learn how to sleep at night instead of tossing, turning and sweating. I know it will go away in time. I just wanted to thank you ALL for being there for a newcomer who is frightened of the unknown.
so glad you are here, Richard. check in when you can, the key you have stumbled on is you are willing to be willing... that is all the first step is and you have leaned in that direction. keep leaning with your head and your feet will follow. hugs jj
p.s. the meetings really help!! keep up the positive leaning and learning.
-- Edited by jj on Thursday 3rd of June 2010 10:19:08 AM
Well, I hit another meeting tonight. Got a number and made it through another day SOBER. I gotta learn how to sleep at night instead of tossing, turning and sweating. I know it will go away in time. I just wanted to thank you ALL for being there for a newcomer who is frightened of the unknown.
Excellent, excellent, Richard!!! That's how we do it: one day at a time, together. Keep going to meetings, keep getting phone numbers, and make at least one call a day to one of those phone numbers. You don't have to know what to say, just say that you met the person at the meeting, and you are following directions and making a call. Keep coming back; it works.
Richard, you may not be FEELING too great, but you are DOING great.
Your body and alcoholic mind are rejecting sleep and normalcy because we have a disease of the mind and body. The mind says "You are uncomfortable... DRINK!!" The body says, "I am used to having alcohol in me, running my show!! I don't know what to do without it!! It's hot in here!! It's cold in here! I want sugar!! OOOUCH!!!!"
We put alcohol, a depressant, into our bodies for years and years. And then we want to feel GOOD when we stop. And we don't. So some of us go back to drinking because we just don't know how to feel good or even microscopically "better". That takes time, and AA is a great way to fill up that time with things we can do to ensure that we DON'T get sucked back in. It is more than a temporary cure. It is a way of life, and once you start to learn the AA way of LIFE, you will start feeling better. Guaranteed.
So please keep going to those meetings!!!! And we are here for you in between those meetings to let you vent, stomp, cry, or whatever you need to do because we have been there. We are in full support of you and your recovery no matter what, Richard.
Have a good sober day. You will be so glad you are staying sober once the days start piling up, and you start to feel better, and are no longer alone in this.
(((((((hugs))))))) Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Richard, my new Friend - Welcome!! Thank you for keeping me sober another day. My first few days sucked, too. Fortunately...my first few meetings were GREAT! They gave me strength and hope one day at a time.
Don't drink and you'll be okay. There is lots of new science on the alcohol & addictive process that I'm no expert on but I can assure you of two things, beyond a reasonable doubt. 1) The longer you go without drinking, the more your brain will heal. 2) Your brain doesn't want "a drink". Your brain wants "a DRUNK" and if you give it "a" drink, it will use you to get a "drunk" and you will have less control over that drunk than any of your previous ones.
