Hey all. Great day to be alive and sober!!! I was considering attending a few Al Anon meetings and know there are a few here that do as well. So my question in a nutshell is, are alcoholics welcome at these meetings? Are there "open" and "closed" meetings like AA? How would I introduce myself? There's a beginners meeting that fits into my schedule that I would like to attend but don't want to cause problems. There are no alcoholics in my family, but I'm dealing with a few friends who have recently left the program and I was hoping that I could get a little ESH from the other side of this disease. Also, I guess I'm a little curious as to how the program works, and to see how others deal with friends/family who relapse or need help. Any experience would be helpful.
I have been assured that AA and Alanon are close friends and have much to learn from one another. I want to attend Alanon too soon and would appreciate some tips here.
Hi Brian! Im not sure about AL-anon but I attend Naranon as an addict and the parent of an addict.My 24 year old son is a heroin addict and I hvae been attending every thursday for over three years,I know our 5th traditions states that we also have only one purpose to help families of addicts.I believe the tradition holds true for ALANON..Besides the addiction of others there are many comingled co-dependence things that we get caught up in just like our disease manisfests itself in all areas of our lives.I would be sure that if you have family ,friend, relative that suffers you would be more than welcome.I wear 2 hats at my Naranon group but we still work the 12 steps traditions etc..There are many here with alanon experience that im sure will share more about that...in our meetings you really dont have to say anthing if you dont want ,you can just listen but as we are all aware sharing from our hearts is what helps keep us sober/clean/free of co dependence etc...(not to violate our 6th tradition of impying outside endorsements ,this is my stuff!!)have a blessed day...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
You are more than welcome at an Al-Anon meeting, we have many double winners. I came to AA through Al-Anon and really feel that seeing both sides is so very helpful.
You will be welcomed just as you were in the rooms of AA.
Let us know how it goes!
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
My experience is we are welcome but Alanon is Alanon, and in the preamble I have heard it is recomended it is alanon and we are "encouraged" to leave AA in AA
OPENING STATEMENTS FOR SMALL GROUPS
We have found that our groups work best when we focus on ourselves. We can do this best by speaking from our own recovery using "I" statements whenever possible.Details or in-depth discussion of our experience are best shared after the group, or over the phone, or with your sponsor.
We share only our "experience, strength, and hope." We do not give advice.No one person should dominate this group meeting and cross talking is discouraged. We must also focus on spirituality (our Higher Power "as we understand" that Power) rather than specific religious beliefs.
Everyone should have an opportunity to speak in this meeting, but no one is expected to speak. Sometimes silence allows people to get in touch with deeper parts of themselves, and to experience the presence of their Higher Power.
We speak from our own experience as Al-Anon members, even when we are member of other 12 Step groups, and we try to keep the focus of our meetings on Al-Anon issues.
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Although I am not formally a "double-winner", I have attended some Al-Anon meetings and have really enjoyed them. Like AGO said, they pretty much prefer that we leave AA in AA and just talk about Al-Anon stuff. It is very similar to AA in general, and you introduce yourself simply by your first name (it is hard after so many AA meetings not to tag on "and I'm an alcoholic" - I've slipped with that before!). A beginners meeting would be perfect. Let us know how it goes!
My first exposure to 12 steps was Alanon when I was only about 10 years old. My mom was going to meetings, and I listened in on them. I didn't really get it. I thought it was a "how to get a divorce" workshop for women.. LOL. That seemed to be the primary function. The group was all female, and as near as I could tell all divorced or in the process.
When I first went to AA, I was well aware I was qualified for Alanon. I tried it a few times but really felt out of place. I felt like I was "the enemy" and had no business being there. Besides, it was so quiet... glum. People crying. Looking down at the floor. Long periods of silence. AA was boisterous, fun, upbeat - it's where I wanted to be.
When I went through my divorce, boisterous didn't cut it. I think if one more person told me "quit thinkin' about it!" I would have smacked them. I went to Alanon. Downcast, tear-filled eyes and long periods of silence made sense to me suddenly. I felt like I belonged. My divorce from a non-alcholic, untreated codependent was what started me back to Alanon with a new understanding.
As I've said before, my sobriety, my life, my fellowship comes from AA. Much of my serenity and peace of mind, especially when it comes to dealing with other people in my life - whether alcoholic or not - comes from Alanon. But I had to be ready for that message, and clearly I wasn't in my early sobriety - or before sobriety.
There you have it Brian..."Noners" coming to your support with their ESH...Experience Strength and Hope. Most meetings are open...the closed ones are business meetings. Keep the same principles that you practice in AA with you and you'll fit in. It's an Al-Anon meeting so the focus is on recovery from being affected by another persons alcoholism. The big difference maybe that you won't hear many drunk alogs at all because our drinking isn't the issue.
I am also a double and came into AA like tlc thru the doors of Al-Anon. I hadn't drank for 9 years and if I ever did again I was as good as dead. HP works in mysterious ways and if we follow the direction manytimes those in AA will enter thru the doors of another program.
Beginners meeting...very good idea. Any meeting just as wonderful. That you get there because you want to check it out is following thru on your recovery. I'm in support.
The first recovery promise I ever heard was at the end of my first Al-Anon meeting and it was the first promise ever fully fulfilled. "If you keep and open mind you will find help." Take your open mind and leave your "strictly AA mind" home.
Let us know how it came out for you and remember there is an Al-Anon board here that you can haunt also. Several of us are there also. In Love and Service.
Early in my sobriety my sponsor said I should go to an Alanon meeting. I thought he was crazy as I was an Alcoholic and I had no close relatives who were alcoholic. Being willing to go to any lengths I went.
I was welcomed warmly and quickly discovered my sponsor wanted me to see and hear the affect my alcoholism had on my wife and children. It was quite an awakening for me.
As I said I was welcomed warmly but in the back of my mind the feeling persisted that I was behind enemy lines. I was sure glad when the meeting ended.
A friend of mine who is a double dipper, member of AA and Alanon tells me that a slip in Alanon is "Having a moment of compassion for an Alcoholic" (LOL)
When appropriate I have suggested to my sponsees that they should attend an Alanon meeting. Gaining the knowledge of the damage we inflict on our friends and loved ones helps us want to change. At least it did for me.
Larry, -------------------- It was all so different before everything changed
Early in my sobriety my sponsor said I should go to an Alanon meeting. I thought he was crazy as I was an Alcoholic and I had no close relatives who were alcoholic. Being willing to go to any lengths I went.
I was welcomed warmly and quickly discovered my sponsor wanted me to see and hear the affect my alcoholism had on my wife and children. It was quite an awakening for me.
As I said I was welcomed warmly but in the back of my mind the feeling persisted that I was behind enemy lines. I was sure glad when the meeting ended.
A friend of mine who is a double dipper, member of AA and Alanon tells me that a slip in Alanon is "Having a moment of compassion for an Alcoholic" (LOL)
When appropriate I have suggested to my sponsees that they should attend an Alanon meeting. Gaining the knowledge of the damage we inflict on our friends and loved ones helps us want to change. At least it did for me.
Larry, -------------------- It was all so different before everything changed
Al Anon is for anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking, as I believe Alcoholism has both genetic and environmental causes, that includes most of us, we either have alcoholic family members, friends or relationship partners, and we were raised in alcoholic/codependent systems and use codependent tools ourselves As I said I was welcomed warmly but in the back of my mind the feeling persisted that I was behind enemy lines. I was sure glad when the meeting ended.
As our own Big Book says, though you come to scoff we hope you remain to pray
I like what Micheal Crichton had to say about "us vs them" mentalities, although he is writing about men and women, I have found what he says applicable in all "us vs them" situations in my life, the moment I create a "them" I objectify "them" as well as make myself secretly superior to them
They
By now I had adopted David's view of the inherent differences between the sexes, that men were the romantics and women were the pragmatists. His view was that each sex saw the other as a projection of itself.
What's really wrong with making them the problem is that you abdicate your own responsibility. Once you say some mysterious they is in charge, then you're able to sit back comfortably and complain about how they are doing it.
The biggest problem between the sexes was the tendency to objectify the opposite sex and ultimately become powerless before them. Both men and women did this about the opposite sex. They were this way or that way. They had this tendency. There was nothing we could do about the way they behaved.
I had thought that women were inherently different from men. And in formulating that difference, I had also objectified women. They were different. They didn't have the same feelings I did. They were they.
Today, I am happy to be one of "them", by that I mean the human race, I really try to avoid us vs them and black and white thinking, when I do that I have no need to belittle others in order to build myself up
OK, maybe a little bit...
How many alanoners does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they detach and just let it screw itself
A skill I have yet to learn frankly, detaching I mean, I have screwing myself wired
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
AGO wrote:Al Anon is for anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking, as I believe Alcoholism has both genetic and environmental causes, that includes most of us, we either have alcoholic family members, friends or relationship partners, and we were raised in alcoholic/codependent systems and use codependent tools ourselves
I also believe that for many or maybe most Alcoholics that Alcoholism has both genetic and environmental causes. However that being said I came from a long line of non alcoholics. My mother would have one glass of wine each year at Christmas never more and never at any other time of the year. My father would drink one glass of beer per month when once a month we would go out as a family for a fish fry. I will never understand my parents style of drinking. My reaction during my active alcoholism was why bother to start if you can't do it right.
My two Brothers and my two sisters did not drink at all. My Grand Parents and Great Grand Parents were non drinkers. My Uncles, Aunts and Great Uncles and Aunts were non drinkers. As was I until I joined the Navy. Everything changed for me then and I was off to the races. I have found some Acoholism in some of my Blood Relatives. I have two Great Nephews that have developed Alcoholism and are in the program. Non of my wives drank and as far as friends go I was isolated by the Navy from my school friends. In the Navy I had what we used to call Bureau Assigned Aqaintences instead of friends.
I suppose this disease has to start somewhere in each family, I appear to be that person in mine.
Larry, ------------------- Insanity is hereditory, you get it from yourself.
I was told by my AA sponsor ( who is also Alanon ) to leave Lori the alcoholic at the door of an alanon meeting. That one suggestion has helped more than anything when it comes to working the Alanon program.
I've attended Alanon and I can vouch for them being very helpful and accepting, always. No need to wear a bullet-proof vest or crouch behind a table at any I've ever been to. LOL
For me, like for some alcoholics I've known, I've found that I get what I need by working my AA program and clinging closely to my Higher Power. It was helpful to me, though, to attend some Alanon in order to understand the other side of my disease and what it did to my children and others.
I admit, though, that when I went to my first meeting of Alanon when I was new to AA, I had to then go work on a resentment I got. My reaction to listening to an Alanon gripe about how much the AA club provided for AA's that the Alanon's didn't get like child care and such, was less than stellar. I just thought, "Oh, poor Alanon! They think they've got troubles! LOL OK, so I was a real sickie but this is an honest program after all.
Alanon, Alateen, and Alatot are wonderful, life-saving programs. Try it out and if it works for you, by all means join both! If you find you aren't able to stay with Alanon, then you've at least learned something and just concentrate on your AA program to get the most you can out of it. I do recommend at least trying it, though. It does work for a lot of AA's.
i have been to a few Alanon meetings i found them very good, the sharing is about Alanon stuff which is what i went there for. I didnt want to share about my own aa recovery so it never came up. I was worried about people in my life and their drinking. i think that is all is a requiement for membership, being effected by someone elses drinking. they were very nice and helpful. i would like to go back as i think i am pretty messed up and their program is really good in regards to looking at codependancy stuff and worrying/controlling other people. Ive not made time to get back for more meetings but i would be better if i did.
Only went to a couple Alanon meetings and it just wasn't for me. Then I attended some Codependents anon meetings and I identified immediately. I began the Coda meetings at 6 months sober and went to 2 or 3 Coda meetings a week for the first 4 years. Tomorrow is my wife and my 13th anniversary, in a 17 year relationship that hasn't even had one hickup. She's a non-alcoholic. She's a diabetic and can't really drink. It's a good fit for both of us. My advice to anyone who is just checking out Alanon, is to check out a couple of Coda meetings as well.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 29th of May 2010 05:52:50 PM
Only went to a couple Alanon meetings and it just wasn't for me. Then I attended some Codependents anon meetings and I identified immediately. I began the Coda meetings at 6 months sober and went to 2 or 3 Coda meetings a week for the first 4 years. Tomorrow is my wife and my 13th anniversary, in a 17 year relationship that hasn't even had one hickup. She's a non-alcoholic. She's a diabetic and can't really drink. It's a good fit for both of us. My advice to anyone who is just checking out Alanon, is to check out a couple of Coda meetings as well.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 29th of May 2010 05:52:50 PM
True dat
The first ones I went to, to put it nicely, weren't hard nosed and solution based enough for me, then I got ahold of a woman I had gotten sober with, who had married a sober alcoholic, had children then he hurt his back, went out on pain meds, and has been skidding in and out for the last ten years, she attended meetings for awhile then let loose at a meeting, that she needed solution, that she was dying, and that she didn't want to talk about her alcoholic, she wanted to talk about her codependency, and she needed answers, she needed the steps, she needed the program, so she was directed to a Saturday meeting where it was primarily parents of addicts/alcoholics, they had no interest in sitting around whinging about the problem or bitching about their spouses, this was their children.
So it took me some doing, but my experience was like yours Dean, except I found this hidden subculture inside Al Anon instead of Coda, the folks interested in solution and working the steps, not the ones bitching about their relationships and just looking for validation and someone to co-sign their BS.
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I went to a couple Alanon meetings when my wife, who is in AA, started to drink and I was struggling to figure out how best to deal with it.
I felt welcome, like AA it is best to keep focused on the group's purpose.
I took some good things from the meetings, but ultimately felt working the AA program was what I needed to focus on.
The Alanon meetings got a little creepy for me because I had prevoiuly met some spouses, started figuring out the spouses/former spouses of my AA friends.
I started feeling like a double agent ;), might be best to go to Alanon in a different area than you attend AA meetings.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Wow. Thank you all for your experiences. I got more responses than I thought I would. I'm looking forward to attending my first meeting tomorrow night. Thank you all for sharing.
Interesting you'd bring this up,as I was at an AA meeting last night,when someone brought up an Alanon slogan, (that they also apply to thier sobriety.) He called it the three "C's " of Alanon:
"I didn't cause it,I can't cure it,and I can't control it." (something in that order)
I liked the slogan. I think AA and Alanon are kissing cousins.
I am an alcoholic in recovery and my son just had a drug relapse. I went to an alanon retreat and learned so much about the way he is feeling and how I can care about him but not take care of him. I was very welcomed by everyone attending because they also listened to my side as an alcoholic. We are called double dippers.We attend aa and alanon.
