I don't know why I'm still going through such emotional ups and downs at this point. I'm not in withdrawal, my body chemistry is no longer in chaos, and I know how to take better care of myself. I'm open to many new things, and I'm growing and changing faster than I ever expected. Why should I feel bad?
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Each time I reach a new awareness, I have to go through a grieving process for the old me. Suddenly it feels as if I'm someone else, somewhere else. I'm not the person I was yesterday. Even if that person was less conscious and closer to active addiction, still, that person was the me I knew. Sometimes I miss that old familiar self. We'd spent a lot of time together.
Recovery awakens us to new possibilities. We have to change, experiment, take risks - even though we may think we detest change! Being alive and having joy sustains us. We may not have all the answers, but we want to ask the questions. Taking time for daily meditations helps us to find the peace and calm at our center. As recovery continues, the sense that everything is moving too quickly will slow down.
Today, though things may not be different, I am different.
