Every year we have the Annual Performance Review - 7 years ago I was 'excellent' - driving initiatives, saluting the flag and singing the company song with a smile on my face.
6 years ago I was just a VG - the initiatives weren't driven so well, the voice was cracking, the flag was waved at and I rarely smiled.
5 years ago I was just in the Good category - I let the initiatives carry me, I couldn't see the flag and mumbled the words
4 years ago I was Needs Improvement - what are inititives, where's the flag, what was that song again. I never smiled. this is one step from dismissal.
3 and a bit years ago I got sober, so far I've stayed sober.
3 years ago I was rated as low good - I'd stopped fiddling the exepenses, I was starting to produce good, consistent output, I'd stopped playing the game with the flag and the song, but didn't make my mouth about it.
2 years ago I'm a mid good - more of the same, exercise patientce and tolerance where needed when I remembered, focussed on output in quantity terms
last year I was rated high good - quality and quantity, honesty, openess, willing to share lessons learned, coaching and mentoring, contributing to the success of others.
This year, back to VG - all the above plus quantity down but quality up, service improvements, process improvements, more coaching, more sharing, more honesty, stands up for what I believe in, challenges malpractice, more collaboration, and best of all, Bill is recognised as the role model for behaviours and standards within the near and wider team, is a trusted manager with a clear sense of fair play and is a trusted lieutenant to his manager, knows when and how to say no, prioritises well, exemplifies customer focus, always puts the customers needs first while being mindful of the companies wants, gives excellent customer satisfaction, knowing how to get a negative response to the customer accepted as truth and fairness. (Customer satisfaction is when the customer goes away happy, not having got what he wants.) [the above paragraph is a precis from my end of year APR, apart from teh bit in parentheses]
OK, I might be accused here of Pride but I write this in the hope that people can see that living the steps can have fantastic effects in your material life. It's no coincidence that the turnaround started with my recovery from active alcoholism and the transition to daily reprieve, working the steps to change the way I live my life, sweeping away the debris of the past and Learning from it and moving forward day by day in pursuit of spiritiual progress.
The change in me has taken work and self examination and pain and tears and laughter and joy.
The changes in me at work have rode on the back of the changes brought about in me through following the programme of alcoholics anonymous in the form of the 12 steps to the best of my ability.
I still don't salute the company flag and I still don't sing the company song, but now I do it discretely, I keep my big fat smart mouth shut and get on with my job.
Fellers, life get's better and I didn't really notice it happening.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Before recovery- What job? Oh, that place I went for a few months to get a paycheck and then crapped out and no-showed until fired?
During recovery- panicked and tried to be perfect, made myself so anxious that I dropped things and forgot things a lot, irrationally worried all the time about being fired, got a rating that stated "good employee but needs improvement"
A couple of years sober- worked very well with others, positive attitude, leadership qualities, self confidence, started back to college to get a better job
During relapse- quit said job before screwing up, felt guilty
Post relapse- was humbled by lack of ability to keep a job while drinking, attending school full time, forgot about said job, focusing first on recovery, getting part time job, focusing on the goal I have for my prospective new career SOBER
It is great for me to look at this stuff, and in the future, I will worry not so much about being the "company man", but I will focus on suiting up, showing up and doing my best with confidence
My ego can get overblown and cause me to believe that I "have arrived", so I have to stay grateful and recognize that I can't do anything- even work- without sobriety
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
