Well..it does seem a somewhat strange example Phil...and sometimes the different programs learned at Alanon and AA regarding people issues can seem glaringly obvious to me. I think I would go so far as to say that when it comes to relationships and participation in them, both programs carry very different messages.

And finding a balance and blending those two messages is pretty tricky sometimes. One of the very first things my AA sponsor had me working on, was working out a universal definition of love and my own primary purpose. Each time I returned to share with her what I'd found or come to understand, and she would listen respectfully...any sign of hesitation or uncertainty had her sending me back to the drawing board (meditation corner). It took a long while, but I can speak simply with surety about my understanding of these things today.

I'm still thinking about that cat...

Cats are not one of my favourite critters. They are one of my daughters favourites though, and the other day she came bursting through the door, absolutely thrilled to have found out the man up the road (who has objected to my dog a few times) ABSOLUTLEY ADORES CATS, puts out food for the ferals to stop them hunting wildlife, and has tamed many of the local rejects and neglected. "He is so gentle with them, Mum! He's a really nice man."

So, there I had a couple of awakenings....The sheer joy my daughter had found in locating a like minded "cat lover" was very clear. She felt understood, and the shared understanding was a positive thing for her. The guy...well, having objected to my dogs with his whip, I had decided he must not like animals much and so had pretty much avoided him to be honest, detaching with respect, ensuring my contact (and the critters contact) with him was courteous, and becoming pretty much non existent. I had made judgments based on his communication (whip cracking) that were at best, incorrect. We can't detach with love, if we make no attempt to understand the other person. That's not detachment...it's rejection.

...That scratchy cat leads me to thinks of some of the critters here. Quite a few have come as rejects or outcasts. I have a couple of donks who many said was "no good and destined for the knackery", a pony that was apparently "wild and unmanageable" and also a couple of goats that were described as nothing but a "menace".... have also had a rooster delivered because he was "useless"...

I can't describe any of those critters like that today. What I can say is that each of them are not visitor friendly. They all have very obvious trust issues, yet they have responded to us and taken their place here on the farm, each adding their own little bit to it. The donks mow and look after "security" in the paddocks and taught some cheeky boys who decided to visit the girls at 10pm very quickly that that is not the done thing. The pony looks after mowing in the house yard, orchard and work yard. One goat produces our daily milk, and the other is possibly the most animated of all the goats, and provides the arvo entertainment when I stop for a coffee. The rooster won best soft feathered bird at the local show.

I never had huge expectations attached to them, I guess... am just happy to live among them. Willing to make sure their needs were met alongside my own... and love them to the best of my understanding. I don't get offended if they have an objection, and they all communicate their objections to things in different ways (thankfully none of them crack whips ) There are a lot of different needs and considerations, especially when you line all the critters up alongside the humans who also live or stay here, but I figure the best way to see things work out harmoniously, it to provide for those needs, and let each individual meet them.

Emotional detachment plays a part in building our personal faith and securing our inner strength, but to be honest I think I've learned that its not really constructive in the big picture...it tends to just delay things. When it comes to loving, I really think its better to move into action without hesitation, and with faith and certainty in your actions...believing that no matter what happens, you will still be able to attend to, and meet, your primary purpose. Those critters I mentioned can no longer trust openly...they detached and withdrew from the possibility of receiving love openly and only accept it from a select few (us). I have faith they are coming around, growing confidence with each new encounter, restoring and building their faith in human kind, just as we all are.

phil,

i rather enjoyed your analogy of the cat...i understand exactly what you meant.

canadian humor eh?  we'll take more of that  actually find canadian humor very clever, and intelligent...in good taste.

oh i am a cat lover too 

keep em coming sweetie i need as much canadian humor as i can get. :)