I am new here, am happily 6 weeks sober. I am struggling with step 3. I am trying to be conscious of turning my worries and life over to God. I seem to be able to do this in most aspects of my life, but I just cannot do this with the sadness I have suffered in the past...I have suffered many losses of loved ones in my life and am truly angry with God for that--I don't know how He could have allowed this. I try to think that when I was suffering through these losses that God carried me through them and that is how I survived, but it is very difficult for me to accept. I guess I haven't fully grieved these losses, but truly I don't think I ever will...how do you turn your life over to God when something bad happens?
I guess my step 3 journey at this point is to pray that God will help me through these questions...
Hi, Great to hear of being sober for six weeks Give Me Strength. I needed to focus on the first part of step # "Made a decision" to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood him. At first I was very angry with God. So like yourself How do I turn my will and Life over to a God I do not trust? I mean Duh ??? I ain't trusting that !!!!!!!! But I could not keep drinking either. The people that wrote the book knew about this kind of stuff so they put in ."As we understood him " They understood some of us would have some trouble with God and that it may take a bit of time to sort things out. They knew if we could stay sober we could come up with a understanding of God were comfortable with." A God of our own understanding" I am happy to report that by working the steps, going to meetings reading the books finding some "Trusted Friends" my understanding of God has changed. A lot of the "unfairness" has begun to make a strange kind of sense, and my understanding of God has become more Gentle. I found out he wasn't a terrorist. Give it time Girl, You are doing fine, Wayne T.
I lost my daughter when she was almost 5 years old. I was angry, hurt and felt as if I was being punished. It took me 5 years to drag myself out of a vodka bottle. A few monthes into my sobriety my life started getting better. After the detox, just being sober was better. I started to notice the beauty around me, just the little everyday beauty of our planet. Since I was raised Catholic this whole God of my understanding was a little hard to follow. But I continue to try and have faith. By the time I was six monthes sober I had a job, my own apartment and a car. As I continued to go to meetings and my life got better still. I could feel my HP presence in my life.
But.......I still wanted answers to why my daughter had to die. Honestly I did everything. I talked to a preist, went to meditation classes, spoke with many in the fellowship, read all the Chicken Soup books, read everything :) They all told me the same thing. Over time I realized that death really is part of life. We see it everyday, all around us. I was taking it personally, like I was the acception to the rule. Why did it happen to me??? I was slowly learning that it is not all about me, but it still hurt.
Then one day a friend gave me a childrens book called "The Little Soul and the Sun". It is a book which teaches children about forgiveness. If you want to check it out just search: The little soul and the sun, the whole story is right there, you don't have to buy the book. For me it answered the question "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?"
The book didn't change my relationship with my HP because my faith in him had already been renewed through the fellowship of AA and the power of prayer.
Hello GMS and welcome to the board. There are a lot of things involved in why you aren't willing to accept the past and the emotions that the memories of these occurrences bring. Being sad about a loss is very close to feeling sorry for yourself (self pity) and is one of the strongest reasons why people drink. More than ever, you've got to let go of this stuff and those people. Remember them with fondness and keep them close in your heart. Be glad for them that they don't have to struggle here on earth and believe that they are in a better place. Then that only leaves you and your feelings about your loss. This idea that God is to blame for all sickness and death is not entirely rational. I guess it works, if you're looking for someone to blame (who else could you?) but it serves no practical purpose and lacks an incredible amount of evidence (for lack of a better term). What helps me is my faith that I don't know God's will. If I did, I would be him or I wouldn't need him. There's a heck of lot that I don't know and admitting that to my self is very comforting.
My Mother, who is 34 years sober, struggles with this as she wishes that God had done something to help my older brother, who is mentally challenged and autistic. She's been praying for him to recovery for 40+ years and he is the same kid (at 52 years old) that he was when he was 6. He will never have a relationship with a woman, never have a job, a car, a home, a family, freedom to travel, freedom to control his lifestyle.... In a linear reality, it's grossly unfair. How could God has let this happen. I mean, I know that he's a busy person, but 46 years? Surely he could've cured my brother by now and given my Mother some relief from her pain and burden of taking care of him. If you think about all the accidents, wars, disease and resulting death and misery. If God is to blame for all of that, he would be a pretty terrible entity, dontcha think?
When it comes to my brother (and other "injustices") I like to think about reincarnation, and if it's true that our soul lives many lives on this earth, and some of those lives we are severely tested, and sometimes we lead great lives. That gives me relief when I think about my brother. Can I be certain of this? Not at all. So what goes is it? I gives me hope that this one life is not all that there is, and that I don't know the whole story, so how can I be a judge and condemn God? In our literature is says that "we have to let go of our old ideas absolutely" if we are to get and stay sober. You'll here people in meetings say "Drop the rock" and others say "But it's my rock", yeah but it's not helping you cross the stream.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 27th of May 2010 12:55:25 PM
Welcome to the group, and congrats to you on not drinking. Great job !
I remember being about 3 month sober in a meeting and I heard an old timer say that We all had been born with the greatest gift God could have ever given us .... free will.
Funny thing .. I was born and raised catholic, went to catholic school for 8 yrs and I never heard this before. I didnt know anything about His will, my will , your will or nothing !! Apparently I wasnt paying to good attention, oh well.
So I came to learn that particular meeting that my will is my thinking and my life is my actions. Okay, easy enough to understand.
I do hope you are being guided in the steps by a sponsor cuz it does say in our book that we are to take the 3rd step with someone. ( doesnt necessarily mean it has to be a sponsor, but someone ). So, little bit later when my sponsor and I started on the 3rd step, I began to study it more in the 12+12 as well as the BB. Since then I have learned and decided that this is the best way I can look at the 3rd step ...
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the care of God as we understood Him.
Lets say I get sick with a bad cold or type of flu. I go see my Doctor. The doc says for me to go home, get plenty of rest, drink liquids, and to fill a prescription for an antibiotic. Now, Ive already pretty much so turned my will ( my thinking ) over to this doc, cuz i made the decision to go see him/her. Next, the doc tells me to do certain things if I want to get better. So, I do what he/she says, and fill the script, go home, get rest, etc. etc. That is turning my life ( my actions ) over to the care of a doctor in this case.
Now, without a doubt God is much more powerful than a Doctor. But the same principal applies ( for me anyways ) and its much more easily understood to me as well.
Thank you for that Jazzy Blue, I could do with a little help in that area. I lost a sister and it was really for me the watching of her intense suffering that had such a profound effect on my questioning of God's Plan.
Hey there Give Me Strength, welcome and thanks for a really thought-provoking post.
When I came into AA, I'd hear all this stuff about God and care of God etc. Politely put, I thought it was horse[hockey].
I was like, let me get this straight "500,000 good people are killed by tsunami, some guy in Buffalo gets smoked by a plane crashing into his house, millions have no food or water, 17 year-old girls who volunteer in homeless shelters are picking up exam papers for their professor moms are kidnapped and have their throat slashed and killed in downtown LA by a crackfiend gone AWOL from his "treatment centre", etc. etc. and there's supposed to be a God? Riiight."
And then one day in a meeting someone was saying that she more of less had the same idea but that her sponsor said "So, how about this: sounds like you have a conception of God, one who lets all that stuff happen. Think about trying the Steps on that basis."
That changed everything. All that time I'd had folks try and tell me God blah blah blah, God did this for them, God did that for them read the Bible, blah blah. Not exactly a unique occurrence, in AA: *they meant well, but they were trying to impress upon me the God of THEIR understanding, the concept of God that had worked for them.*
That woman's share changed everything for me. The God of my understanding certainly let some real bad things happen and I don't know why. But it was still a God of my understanding. That gave me the start that I needed. My understanding of God has changed since then, but like I say, that gave me the start.
Thank GOD this is a program where we give help and receive it from each other. God works through us. I can only suggest how to make your step 3 a little stronger: Recovery is a gift from God and what you have experienced will make you so much more able to help another person who has experienced the same.
I sometimes wonder why God made me have depression, why am I gay?, why did I develop alcoholism? ....I would get angry with God and say WHY ME? Then I would get plastered and let all those issues spin out of control while I reeked havoc on myself and the world around me. That is until I found thousands of other people with all the same problems as me and realized I didn't have to drink over my issues and my experiences could help others as much as theirs helped me. So I hand my will over to this process and that is as close to handing my will over to God as I can get at the moment. When I stop sharing, stop going to meetings, stop searching for hope and identifying with others, start judging, I am taking my will back. I work this step all the time because this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful and I can start to think I am capable of doing it on my own when I KNOW I AM NOT. That is my step 3 in a nutshell...dunno if it will work for you.
Mark
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