I am not alone, nor do I feel alone today. I will enjoy it while it lasts. It will come and go, but just for today, I will embrace it. Off for long evening power-walk, then back here to continue my Inventory. OUCH! But it is not as bad as our instinct to STAY fearful and sick would lend us to believe.
I feel the support and love of my Higher Power, friends, family and AA today. My ex also did something supportive today, without all the nonsense or phone calls, which is great. It was a surprise, and while I am leaving my expectations of him being responsible and reasonable at the curb, I believe God has me covered in every are of my life.
Just wanted to say thank you for being a part of my support.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I walked 5 MILES tonight, the last of which I came in and got my dog and walked her that last mile. She is heavily coated (Norwegian Elkhound and shedding and gets too hot right now for 5 miles- it was still around 80 at about 7pm!)....
but I felt so much peace come over me as I walked... and then when I got home, I got a phone call from ex regarding our email accounts being deactivated etc... and then he wanted to "go there" about details of the divorce which we cannot agree on, and I simply told him that I will NOT have any more conversations about it, that is what my attorney is for. I told him, "I am on good emotional footing tonight, and I cannot and will not deal with that stuff tonight. Please respect that. I am going to hang up now, ok?" (I actually warned him instead of haning up on him in mid sentence!) I chalk that up to of course God, but also the the good endorphins helping to regulate and calm my emotions. My body is tired but my heart and head feel wonderful and alert tonight. Time to get back into that Inventory. Love, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Nothing like a good walk to gain perspective, along with a little chat with God. I too am proud of you for standing your ground in a healthy way toward your soon to be ex. Keep up the good work and I sense that strength is coming your way, although as you said it will come and go, or wax and wane. Dog-gone-it Joni, you are where I need to be...divorce court. I am just too chicken right now to pursue it. I feel it is too much of a threat to my sobriety right now.
I don't know how much longer I can go on in my marriage. Someone told me, "if I was hurting in the relationship now why not go ahead and divorce him and get the pain over with. Both ways you're hurting." How true was that statement? I remember my first divorce and the pain was terrible for awhile. I just don't want to take that leap just yet, although I probably should. I am going to hand it over to the HP that I can understand...and make peace with the idea of what will be will be and I will just have to face the music, when it comes. The good thing is... I do not have to do it alone. Hallelujah! Thanks to the great people in AA.
Janet, waiting as long as I did to get divorced almost killed me. Seriously. I was not being honest with myself for years. I cvontinued to stay in a seething cauldron of neglect, pain, dishonesty and infidelity. While you might not relapse over it (it is possible), being DISHONEST with one's self, and letting the FEAR of change rule our lives is the worst thing we can do to ourselves. We stay in situations where our needs are unmet, and we deny ourselves happiness. We kill ourselves every day and we suffer all kinds of consequences internally. God has blessigns for us waiting on the other side of a shitty marriage. We cannot be blessed until we get OUT, if has come to that. If it won't change, it won't change. WE have to change, inventory it, overcome fear.
I just finished my 4th step. I feel tremendous willingness now to make my life better.
I will say a prayer for you that you can overcome whatever you need to right now, and that God's Will be done in your life.
With love, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Hi Joni, Thank you for being there and your honest sharing with us. You remind me of how grateful I should be. Remember you are a special child of God, and dont let anybody tell you otherwise. God bless, Gonee.
Thank you so much for your support. I'm headed out for a long walk at the park... It always seems to help. I'm taking my Daily reflections book as I always do. I am reaching out to God, even though it is hard for me. I have read many of your posts and you sound so much like me, it's pitiful,lol. Especially about the motorcycle ride that didn't happen and the fact you are not officially divorced yet. I have to wonder why we feel the way we do, when they have done whatever they wanted? Maybe it is integrity. That seems to be all that I have left, after such a blow to the self-esteem. Oh, well I'm totally confused right now, so I think I'll try and reflect and walk this off.
