Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again.
Some of us trusted our Higher Power inappropriately. We trusted God to make other people do what we wanted, then felt betrayed when that didn't work out.
Some of us were taught that life couldn't be trusted, that we had to control and manipulate our way through.
Most of us were taught, inappropriately, that we couldn't trust ourselves.
In recovery, we're healing from our trust issues. We're learning to trust again. The first lesson in trust is this: We can learn to trust ourselves. We can be trusted. If others have taught us we cannot trust ourselves, they were lying. Addictions and dysfunctional systems make people lie.
We can learn to appropriately trust our Higher Power - not to make people do what we wanted them to, but to help us take care of ourselves, and to bring about the best possible circumstances, at the best possible times, in our life.
We can trust the process - of life and recovery. We do not have to control, obsess, or become hypervigilant. We may not always understand where we are going, or what's being worked out in us, but we can trust that something good is happening.
When we learn to do this, we are ready to learn to trust other people. When we trust our Higher Power and when we trust ourselves, we will know who to trust and what to trust that person for.
Perhaps we always did. We just didn't listen closely enough to ourselves or trust what we heard.
Today, I will affirm that I can learn to trust appropriately. I can trust my Higher Power, my recovery, and myself. I can learn to appropriately trust others too. __________________
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." --Marcus Aurelius
For years I did not live I simply existed. What many people take for granted I did not have: friends, vacations, job satisfaction, gratitude, family, communication and love of self. An aspect of my disease, my denial, was that I thought I was happy without having any evidence for such a feeling. Indeed, my lifestyle indicated progressive isolation. That's illusion. A recovering alcoholic priest shared that early in recovery he saw a sunset and remarked, "How long has that been happening?" Like him, I missed so much!
Life is to be lived or endured. My spiritual recovery means that every day I reach out to life and grasp it, hold it, smell it -- and smile.
God of life, let me live today. Let my "high" be the glory of the day.
