I am very grateful to my sponsor for guiding me through my recovery. I was just over 3 years sober when I embarked on a thorough 4th & 5th step. My sponsor had told me I was going to get roaring drunk. It is frightening to see so many in AA without a sponsor, asking the same questions day in and day out. From my experience I found that many people are quiet happy with fellowship, laughs and jokes. I dont despise that but we also have to be serious about recovery. The repercussions of non recovery are felt well into the next generation. Many of my friends who merrily toddled along in sobriety are faced with their children becoming alcoholics. My heart bleeds for these children. I am almost certain that if my wife and I did not get into the steps of recovery, my only son would have definitely become alcoholic. We are the role models for both our children. We answer all their questions about lifes issues. As the father of my home, God has appointed me with authority to instruct and lead them. That means I have to get well from my alcoholism, through the steps. Next as a Christian husband I had to study the bible to see how God wanted me to live in harmony with my wife, according to His will. Then as Christian parents we had to present to our children, 2 loving parents who will instruct them and discipline them with love. We had become sponsors to our children. My wife and I have become sponsors to recovering couples as well sponsors to their children. This has seen tremendous recovery in our Saturday night AAA meetings with AA, Alanon and Alateen. These kids dont go to clubs, dont take drugs. They pray and some attend church also. They attend Alateen with their parents. Its not a mystery or a secret. The AA book gives clear cut instuctions. If I chose a bad sponsor its my fault. My sponsor is not my friend. We became brothers in recovery.
We can't make anyone want it though, the desire has to come from within, and luckily we got "The Great Persuader" sitting in the wings, aka alcohol, it's beatdown is what made me reasonable, the funny thing is living dry without the steps is even more painful, hence the inevitable return to alcohol after untold suffering
I see the same thing, every single person I know that came in from the early nineties on that got a sponsor who had a sponsor that worked the steps out of the big book and who did the same got and stayed sober
every single one that didn't is either drunk or dead now, very rarely are people able to break that 123getsometimeslip123getsometimeslip pattern, it spans from 2 weeks to 2 years of sodryiety, there are people I have been watching do that for decades, they think because they know a little about the steps, and have read the steps, it's the same as doing the steps, and after awhile they too knowitall to learn anything, their cup is full, and meeting attendance becomes part of their drinking pattern, clean up, mess up clean up, mess up, they come in, raise their hands and announced they relapsed, well there is no relapse without recovery, and drinking every few years or few months is drinking every few years or every few months, that's different then recovery, thats (un)controlled drinking
I think if the BB would have been written a few years after meetings were big, I think "gone to meetings" would have been incuded in the chapter entitled "More About Alcoholism" under "here are some of the methods we have tried"
All you got to do is stick around long enough to watch our crack research and development teams here at AA to watch that in action
people who work steps:sober
people who don't: drinking, insane, or dead
It's only a matter of time, sit at the same seat long enough you watch it all walk by
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
My sponsor literally saved my life. I would not have understood this program simply by reading about it. I needed someone to guide me who had done it themselves. I have to always keep that in mind when I sponsor people. They won't get it if I only tell them to read chapter 5 and do what they say. New people don't understand the big book unless a sponsor explains what it is as they have lived and experienced it.
I did not pick a friend as a sponsor I picked someone who was succesful in the program and exhibited in every aspect of his life the qualities that I desperately wanted. We became much closer than friends could ever be.
Larry, ---------------- Sponsors: have one-----use one-----be one
I am glad this works for you Gonee and I am certainly not judging. Your model of sponsorship would not work for me though. It does show that AA is wide ranging enough to bring recovery to all kinds of people. In this case, I think we have a fundamental difference which would be on the dimensions of religiousity and political conservatism vs. liberalism... Either way, it's a good thing AA has room for us both and I can call you my brother in recovery too. I also admire being a responsible parent seeing as I do work with juvenile delinquents day in and day out.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I firmly believe in sponsoring and see it all over the place at meetings I go to in my area that many are sponsorless , stepless and Godless.
My sponsor pretty much so saved my marriage with her suggestions ( that I took ) to be able to get along with hubby. It was hard early on in sobriety and it has taken me 5 yrs to let him live his life and by practicing this I learn that anybody I come in contact with has the right to do things their way, live their own lives.
Thank God for AA cuz it has taught me many things, and probably the most important one is that I can have relationships with ppl today.
I am blessed with very good sponsorship. She is my friend, and my confidant. And I believe without a doubt that God put us in each others paths.
Hey Gonee! thanks for sharing! I also am the spiritual leader of my family,but thru my readings I also am aware that we all may stumble and fall no matter what we have been taught.There are many stories of those who went astray even with backrounds of guidance from their HP.I do in no way make light of your process ,I also let my sponcees know where I come from spiritually when we first get together so they have an idea of who I am It is neither a deterrent or a boon and I have never had a problem there.I also explain how I would like contact with them to occur,,what my main purpose as their sponsor is etc...As a spiritual leader in my family and with my children(one a heroin addict in recovery)) one writing that has helped me know I have laid the groundwork"says' Raise a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it!..It is very pertinent in my life as I was also the prodigals son from the time I was 12 until close to 40..I have ,only thru the grace of God ,been able to find my way back.I firmly believe my sponsor was a gift from my HP to me.It is no coincidence that not only my sponsor,but my grandsponsor and myself all have similar faith beliefs,certainly not required but it sure doesnt hurt!! I am truly blessed as are we all in recovery by the grace of God!!! May your Hp continue to bring you strength and enligtenment!(is that a word??:)
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Very, very grateful for my sponsor. Without him teaching me his program of recovery so practical that it you could practically use it to build a brick cottage, I'd be getting drunk again, right *now*, telling myself that at least I don't drink as much as those "losers in those AA meetings that I used to go to." I'd be waking up tomorrow crying and wanting to die and promising never to drink again and then being in the pub by 6PM.
That's b/c I'd have thought after a while, "it's all in the BB, I can pick and choose, I don't need to work with anyone else, the word sponsor is never mentioned in the first 164, blah, blah." It's what it would have done.
One of the first things he said to me was "pray, but God's not gonna make your bed for you." My grandsponsor did the same thing to him, after he'd been floating in and out of the rooms for four years.
