Been driving my soon to be ex-wife around since she lost her driving privileges. Took her to a meeting tonight, and all it took was one sentence out of her mouth to send me off the deep end. Why the f*** can she not manage to stop rubbing salt in the wound that she created when she did an early 9th step on me and told me how long she had been cheating on me? What is wrong with her fucking brain. Why the f*** am I still helping her out, knowing she is just gonna slip up again at some time in the future just when I'm feeling fine and dandy, and mention his f***ing name. F***.
F***.
F***.
And I haven't had a cigarette in a month, and I told my sponsor I was gonna go buy a pack and he said, "no you won't." And he was right. But f***.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 14th of May 2010 09:56:16 AM
Been driving my soon to be ex-wife around since she lost her driving privileges. Took her to a meeting tonight, and all it took was one sentence out of her mouth to send me off the deep end.
And I haven't had a cigarette in a month, and I told my sponsor I was gonna go buy a pack and he said, "no you won't." And he was right.
Dude
I am SO sorry
get away from her, let her find her own way to a meeting, work your program for YOU, I don't say this very often, but sometimes this is a selfish program, and it's time for you to start getting selfish when it comes to her, what she did wasn't a 9th step, it was known as "shitting all over you", we never confess at the expense of someone else, so don't let her dress that shit up as a 9th step.
Sometimes I aint very spiritual but in this case I'd sleep with her sister or best friend then let her know in my very own ninth step
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 14th of May 2010 09:57:08 AM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Except for the line that said "Sometimes I aint very spiritual but in this case I'd sleep with her sister or best friend then let her know in my very own ninth step"
The big book tells us that resentments are our number one problem. Thinking about revenge just feeds our resentments. You do not have to do that!!
Larry, ------------------ While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself. ~Doug Horton
My X cheated on me from a time shortly before I got sober up until the end of the marriage... quite a few years. I found out about the cheating and her leaving me at the same time. She probably would never have told me. At the time it made it easier to let go. I was angry at her, of course, but mostly at myself for being so gullible.
Except for the line that said "Sometimes I aint very spiritual but in this case I'd sleep with her sister or best friend then let her know in my very own ninth step"
The big book tells us that resentments are our number one problem. Thinking about revenge just feeds our resentments. You do not have to do that!!
Larry, ------------------ While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself. ~Doug Horton
We aren't a glum lot, sometimes I use humor when communicating, i mean how could i seduce the sister or friend in that case, cry at them?
PS hey Dean didn't you mean SORDID F bombs? how could they be assorted, do they come in different sizes? sorry...need coffee
-- Edited by AGO on Friday 14th of May 2010 12:15:02 PM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
9th step.....ends with.....except when to do so would injure those.or others....
So here comes the "glum one" haha, little ole me.
I really like the Revenge analogy of:
"The best revenge is to live a good life"
Coming from an Itatian, and as you know we Italians like our revenge, haha!, must go back to the good old Mafia days....
When I sobered up, I traded that one for the Better Life routine one.....it felt better and I did not have to wait for a counter-counter hidden attack....
STOP DRIVING HER PLACES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats an order!!!!!!!!......Kidding of course, but I sure wound not give rides to anyone that likes to sabotage me....and ask her to please read up on the 9th step , maybe you might have to read it to her as you explain the no more rides for you....
Your still attached because that is what you do and where you want to be and also because you still love...Bravo on the last one because there is power in it. "love is the complete and total -acceptance- of any other human being for exactly who they are." You've arrived and you brought your pain, anger and rage with you. Page 449 of the third edition...Dr. Paul. "And I have found..." look it up and listen to his voice not your own and let it cloak you like a Harry Potter invisibility cloak. When I was taking the disease personally I was a walking dead man and then the fellowship went to work on teaching me active acceptance, forgiveness, self love and more. I use to let "her" affairs kick my ass until I did my own inventory and then I could stand up straight and get my butt out of the way. Without the program the work is impossible because all I have is me when I really need the "we" and all of their experience, strength and hope and the honesty, willingness and humility to change the thing I can.
The pain is crushing...I never stopped at "f..." I went to "f... you" and then my right hand closed into a fist and I tried to make her pay for every bit of pain and resentment I carried around with me...some of which included her but not near the largest amount. I got an alcoholic wife to admit she was the problem and at the same time secured a hard lease in hell. "My only problem is me and my only solution is God"...direct quote AA member Hilo Hawaii. That is my truth and like so much of what it is for me today it was given to me free from the fellowship and set me free. Hilo is far from being hell. Ho`o maika`i ... I'm blessed.
The pain is temporary brother and the faster the better. Sorry cause until we learn a better way the only thing it does is what it's supposed to ...h u r t. When you have trouble loving her from yourself love her as HP loves her instead.
There is a caveat on the end of the 9th..."unless when to do so would injure them or others." Oh how often we forget to think about that one....Lordy, Lordy OUCH!!
In support (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 14th of May 2010 06:31:16 PM
Your still attached because that is what you do and where you want to be and also because you still love...Bravo on the last one because there is power in it. "love is the complete and total -acceptance- of any other human being for exactly who they are."
There is the truth. I have to admit, although it has been a long time, I still have love for my first wife. Certainly the nature of that love has changed, but I can't hate her and we're not really friends - we don't see each other, at all. My current wife has never met my ex, although it's bound to eventually happen. What I'm saying is, in order to heal I had to reclaim the memories of the love and the good times we had, which were many, and put it into its proper place - it's part of my experience and part of who I am. I'm not ashamed of having loved that person, or smiling when I remember good times. To place eleven years of my life into a "do not enter" memory zone just because of the way it ended would be denial in the extreme. The fact of the matter is, I did love her. I made the decision when I found out she wanted to leave, to let her go. I guess I wanted her to be happy, and if that meant being with someone other than me, ok. I had no *clue* at the time how painful that decision would be for me over the coming years. I was acting as if I were cured of cancer when I hadn't even had my first session of chemo. There's no short-cut to the goal line, no matter how badly I tried to sprint, vault, dash, tunnel, fly, or catapult myself there. Each and every time, I ended up face-first in the dirt. And couldn't resolve my feelings of love-hate.
In the end, I had to say - ya know what, I loved her then, and I love my memories and no action by her now or then can change that. That for me was the correct answer, but trying to get there before the time was right was like trying to harvest corn in December.
I had the same problem but it was with Friends, who turned out not to be real friends.
They expected more then what I could do for them. Some kept bugging me, pleading, phoning at all hours.
I either told them I had plans or was busy with my own life and their pland did not fit mine.
Finally they gave up--that was the best that could happen.
You need to watch out for yourself and work your program how you want not how everyone else wants you too. You can take suggestions and work them into what will help you--but do what you need to.
Dude...that sucks. If it was me, and you aren't, but if I was in a situation like that I think I'd put as much distance between me and her as possible. I would put Sobriety in my headlights and the ex in the rear-view mirror.
Oh...and Pride in the trunk where I couldn't get at it and my HP at the wheel.
Oh, squirrel!! I am going through a divorce right now also... and it sucks big time. My husband had affairs for 6 years and I was dumb enough to put up with it (that's MY part). He feels that "that's just what men do, sometimes..." WHAT??? Real men talk to their wives and tell them if there is something lacking in the marriage (for infidelity is often not even about sex). Sometimes they leave, which is better than trying to hide and lie and deceive.
I probably haven't much to offer here tonight, but a bunch more expletives myself. But you are deifnitely not alone in this tonight.. definitely not!! And we are sober, so "F*** All!!"
(((big AA hug)))
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Been driving my soon to be ex-wife around since she lost her driving privileges. Took her to a meeting tonight, and all it took was one sentence out of her mouth to send me off the deep end. Why the f*** can she not manage to stop rubbing salt in the wound that she created when she did an early 9th step on me and told me how long she had been cheating on me? What is wrong with her fucking brain. Why the f*** am I still helping her out, knowing she is just gonna slip up again at some time in the future just when I'm feeling fine and dandy, and mention his f***ing name. F***.
F***.
F***.
And I haven't had a cigarette in a month, and I told my sponsor I was gonna go buy a pack and he said, "no you won't." And he was right. But f***.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 14th of May 2010 09:56:16 AM
Hey Flying Sq,
I'm sorry to hear about your current plight, and that's what it is.
It's no wonder you are aggravated and want to drop F-bombs.
I think that the longer you allow her into your life, and include you... in her wacky (9TH STEP?) analogy of the program, or anything else...you cannot move on. You are just spinning your wheels.
