I am feeling troubled today. My kids are happy and recently brought home their best report cards ever. My work is inspired and easy after some recent restructuring and I am enjoying it enormously. The farm is flourishing and the critters are content. My mate too, has arrived back on the farm with a youthful and vital appreciation of all that exists here. It would be much easier to end my inventory there and say everything is very wonderful in my world.
I realise there were some here who didn't like Stan's way...and had difficulty negotiating his manner. I found him generally a 'have a go' type, who spoke expecting to be ignored. He said he had difficulty making friends and over time we found a friendship, chatting originally about sobriety, then sports, work, interests and just life in general. When he left this board we stayed in touch. Regularly sharing jokes, frustrations, achievements. Posing questions you can only ask of others who you know will just provide a straight answer. I considered him one of many mates o'er the sea...who had somehow found a place in my world and helped me broaden my horizons.
He maintained his sobriety and was arranging for his flatmate to enter a nursing home when he could no longer cope with her behaviour, and found her family were unwilling to support her. I felt there was a real big heart beneath his brash and often blunt comments.
He was so happy about being accepted to an Italian uni for a short season course. He mentioned it several times in communication over several weeks. Six weeks prior to his admission he began the count down. Each week he would mention how it was getting closer.
3 weeks before he was to go, he wrote and again mentioned it, and his enthusiasm was building.
The following day London was bombed. My thoughts immediately went to family over there, and of course friends. Slowly I began a silent head count, like I do whenever I see an ambulance or hear a siren (My gran provided first aid during the war. She taught me to do that)...Is all well in my world?
Cabbage popped up, so I knew he was ok...family checked in. Stan however, didn't. He worked there, in the midst of all the madness. He travelled to work each day by train and disliked every minute of it. I sent messages. No reply. I prayed. I told myself he would get back to me in a week, and let me worry because he liked the idea someone cared about him. Then I reassured myself that he was busy planning his trip and wouldn't go without sending a quick cheerio. It never arrived.
So I don't know - and may never know. It is an oddly disturbing feeling. It is difficult to let go of something or someone when there is such a lot of unknowing. I just know it makes me feel sad, and reminds me that London may be a long way away from me today - but the internet brings people closer...gives them a place in our world, they would not normally have had before...establishes friendships that may never have taken place without it...
And the effects of war are getting closer. If this is what I am feeling here on the farm, then I don't like it.
The Holy War. A war based on propaganda.
Today I'm praying for peace in our world. I hope each and every one of you can add peace to your day. I hope each and every one of us can offer enough of it in our friendships and relationships that we touch the right people. The more we wave a Godly flag, the more we fuel this war. This war is about people. It is about reaching out to those who feel oppressed, and depressed, those who have surrendered themselves and their humanity, and act without feeling or compassion, because they gave up feeling they would experience it here on earth. They seek their salvation through suicide and homicide. As alkies we understand this way of thinking...we, without guns, were intent on the same purpose once.
Guns and security are useless. This is psychological warfare. This is a Holy War. In AA we learn we can't fight back against a thought pattern intent on its own salvation. We can only intervene on the thought patterns, share an experience of life without the pain...another way of living. The vital key in maintaining the peace and serenity is sharing it.
If my friend did die, then he didn't die friendless. And when he arrived here on this board that is how he described himself.
I believe peace is ours to make and we can do it. I believe it starts with us. I believe we can make a difference.
And I don't want to stop believing in any of those things.
Hi Nic. I often wonder how Stan is doing. I think weve talked on the phone twice, but not recently. My first impression was hes just an old softy just like me, and a very sincere fellow.
Im going to make myself an note, and in spare time tomorrow, see if I still have his phone number here somewhere. If I can find it Ile get back to you, and give him a call.
Have a good day Nic with love
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hey guys, I am hoping and praying that Stan is okay, I'm sure that many are just in shock, and just trying to deal with what has happened... pulling together as the human spirit does in these situations.
Please keep us posted. I always miss anyone who has been on this board. I have thought of Double Winner the last few days, she was such a sweet lady, many good years of sobriety.
I often think of that day when i first came around to this board and the comment I made to Stan...I honestly hope he didn't leave because of it. Although i did post I was sorry and shared that I obviously wasn't in a good head space that day.
Lots of talk lately about terrorism hitting Canada and whether or not we are prepared for it. Is anyone ever??
It makes me sick to think of innocent people dying over self-centered egos. War is not only terrorism or prominence but everywhere we go, whether it be a workplace, a neighbor or in our own back yards. Love conquers all, i wish everyone knew that.
What happened in London breaks my heart, i hope and pray Stan is safe.
All this terrorism desgusts me. I served with the British Armed Forces in Northern Island for 6 months and descovered there that it's not about religion, it's about who sells the drugs, the prostitutes and who runs the taxis. Religion has caused so many wars over the years. As members of AA, it's almost a religion, should we form a paramilitary wing and start suicide bombing destilleries and breweries!? Interesting idea???? (not being serious!)
Here we have not had published lists of the victims of the London bombs, so I can't comment on Stan, I do hope he's ok though. I liked his ruthless honesty and the fact that he did'nt care what people thought, that takes balls.
Have you heard that the French Navy have a new battle flag, it's a white cross on a white background!
I went to an Arabic strip club the other day, all the men were sitting there shouting ' show us your face!'
anyway enough of the attempts at humour / racist jokes?????? Just wish we could have peace, but how can you make peace with someone that stones women, and cuts a mans head off.
Bye for now.
Love you all
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
