After a busy week at work I am tired and my mind is wandering into that place that it shouldnt go.I got plenty of sleep last night and a few cups of coffee when I woke this morning.I will be fine.
I think what is getting to me is loneliness.Living sober I have realized how isolated I have made my life.I have been working on my relationships and have been making good progress daily.I am more connected with my family, have been growing my circle of friends, and treating strangers with the respect they deserve.
A prayer and a meeting today will give me the pickup I need
__________________
And sometimes to help them we have got to help ourselves. - SRV
you know, my experience is true growth is often lonely, there is much we can share with others but much is a solitary journey, I watch people go through this regularly.
For me, after some years of sobriety I was driving a dumpy Sanford and Sons Dump Truck through a hideously ugly industrial area and all of the sudden I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of the presence of God, of the feeling I will never be alone again, of the true beauty in the world and the universe and a feeling of one-ness with everything and I knew I would never be alone again.
Now this wouldn't be strange except I don't believe in God, not the one that we learn about at Church.
Since then I have been lonely once or twice but I have never been alone, hard to explain, since I don't think words do it justice, I just don't feel "a feeling of conscious seperation from" any more, which was the root of my loneliness, now when I am lonely it is from a different thing, a longing for closeness with a human being of the opposite sex that I can wake up with in the morning and share my life with.
A great movie that addresses this is "Into The Wild" after many viewings I realized one of the messages of it was which things are only experienced alone, and which experiences are empty if experienced alone.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Loneliness is a common symptom of our disease.... it can creep up even when we are SURROUNDED by love and support. It is something I have to work on often. But I know it does go away. For me, I have to keep in the center of the AA Lifeboat or loneliness will will kick my butt overboard and provide a good "excuse" to drink! As I heard someone in AA say, "I have plenty of excuses to drink, but not one good REASON."
So glad you are doing well. You sound very positive and grateful!!
((((hugs)))) Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
