This is a Posting of Oblongs that was down the Page, so I thought I would bring it up to the surface---for it's content:
Oblong wrote:
One of the first things I thought of when I woke up this morning was about this website and "well, I guess I can't go back on there anymore". But I am back here because I'm still an alcoholic and I still want to stop.
(Hi Oblong, Hope it ok to borrow your Post..from about a week ago....)
That has been my thinking about some new friends here,
just what you wrote :"well, I guess I can't go back on there anymore"
We have recently had some very wonderful people come in and Join us, with a lot of Positive stuff....also some struggling.......then they just vanished. My Prayer is that they will drop their possibly perfectionistist standards and come back.
If they had a drink, well, so what? really? many people that are in their first week of not drinking after years of drinking....and the phenominum of craving hits them, it is not always the case, but certainly very understandable.
I read somewhere an article about the Priclpals of Perfectionism.....We set that goal, I will get this right, (perfectly) the first time.....(and don't really understand the nature of this horrible, cunning, baffling, and powerful disease). Well the last part was not in the writing, but it went something like the following.....We set up these perfectionistist standards, and because perfection is impossible, they fail, and the shame of that failing brings them back to square one.
Not mentioning names, but have pondered writing to them to say Hi and then I read Oblong's Post....and thought it to be so much more fitting.
Prayers are being sent to anyone that has left the board for the reasons mentioned, WE MISS You, I know I sure do....
Thanks for reading
-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 3rd of May 2010 05:54:33 PM
Because perfection implies an end. It implies you haven't won yet. It is black and white thinking. A perfect way or not. All or nothing. If I strive for perfection and perfection isn't possible then I get frustrated and will possibly give up. The other possibility is that I achieve perfection and then stagnate because I think I am there... done. What else is left to achieve.
Progress is a different mentality. It implies a marching progress. It focuses on the now and not tomorrow. It allows you to celebrate the little victories as achievement of progress.
I once saw progress not perfection as accepting imperfection, today I see it as a montra on my life long spiritual journey. "I trudge the road of happy destiny."
This post made me smile, reminds me of the folks who freak out when a really smelly ( as in hasn't washed for days!) drunk person turns up at a meeting!
It's AA for f*** sake!!!!!
We are all only ever sober for one day at a time. Simple.
Great post Toni. Sooo true. The good part about this site is that it's *really* easy to get back to: just click the bookmark and then log back in.
Truth be told, I disappeared for a while off of here late last year. It wasn't cause I wasn't juicing or anything like that, simply got busy, went travelling a bit (inflicted my Greek monastery story on you guys when I got back, lol) and somehow just didn't sign on. I look back and don't even understand how I let that happen.
But yeah, even then, even not going back on the sauce, I felt a bit guilty not having been on and a bit embarrassed to be back after a month away or so.
What I *did* get was a a big "welcome back" and "tell us about your travels", "so glad to hear you're still sober", etc. etc.
We alkies can build stuff up in our heads soooo much.
Progress is a different mentality. It implies a marching progress. It focuses on the now and not tomorrow. It allows you to celebrate the little victories as achievement of progress.
I once saw progress not perfection as accepting imperfection, today I see it as a montra on my life long spiritual journey. "I trudge the road of happy destiny."
Someone I talked to said that he used to dislike that word, "trudge..." as it seemed to be indicate a kind of a dreary, laborious way of life. Then he looked it up, and one of the definitions he found was "to walk purposefully." That worked a lot better for him.
Right On.... I often wonder if shame keeps relapsers from coming back. If that's ever the case...AA has failed to communicate properly to them and some AA may have allowed arrogance to fester within themselves and project shame onto that fellow drunk.
Thanks for the post Toni. I had been wondering how some people were getting along in recovery as well. I always find it helpful and am appreciative of the postings made by folks with a good bit of sober time. But, being relatively new, am also very interested in the experiences of other newcomers.
It does seem that often postings by newcomers tends to drop off after a bit. I am one of those who fall into that category. I am still reading this board, going to meetings, reading the Big Book and staying sober one day at a time. That alone has gotten me just over the 3 month milestone. My plan is to start working the steps with a sponser very soon.
Yayyy Sid and Franny-kins!!! WOOOOP!! WOOOOP!!! Great job!! And also a shout out to those who are lurking and reading, afraid to come back and post!! WOOOP WOOOP at least you are here reading, right!? Come on back!! I slipped after 2.5 friggin years, talk about a reason to feel guilt and shame!! But guess what? I am DONE with shame, because I kno0w that I have a disease called alcoholism, and it is not going to get any better unless I tell on it and put it out under the sunlight, to be examined and FIXED, 24 hours at a time. Nothing good grows in the dark, only mold. LOL
Perfectionism:
When I practice perfectionism, I am saying that I actually BELIEVE that I could somehow ACHEIVE it, which is quite prideful, wouldn't you say?? To say "nobody's perfect" is being truthful, realistic, HONEST. If I don't expect you to be perfect, then why the hell would I expect it of myself? Should I not give myself the right to be human, just as I give that right to others???
:o)
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I enjoy reading these boards daily, and have gotten so much ESH from everyone. I enjoy seeing the posts by the new comers... it helps me remember. I've always been one to think along the lines of "if I don't have any experience to share, I may as well listen and keep my mouth shut. I also try and stick with the old "not having anything nice to say" motto. I guess I'm not the type of person to just reply for the heck of it :) lol. Many of the members here have helped me in so many ways...some helping me learn what I should or shouldn't do, and some helping me realize that I don't want to be like them. I have such a great group of people that surround me in my daily life in the real world, and for that I am truly blessed. I accept that there are always going to be people that are sicker than I, but I'm not in a place where I am able to judge that, so I try like crazy not to. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart...it's people like you here and in my home group that have helped me put a few 24 hours behind me.