I remember when I first came in the rooms there were all these people who knew so much more than me, I judged them to be a bunch of smartarses and felt intimidated and 'little.'
My absolute first impression of AA - my first contact via phone - was "These people sound like a bunch of smartasses. I think I like them already." I have never had much tolerance for patronizing happy talk, or a sales pitch. The people that spoke to me on the phone and at my first meeting - both before, during, and after - made it abundantly clear that they were there for themselves, and that I could begin to partake of the gift immediately. Even if I wasn't sure yet that I wanted it. I had a powerful feeling of being home. The people in the room, none of whom I had ever met before, seemed like old friends I hadn't seen before... as if I knew them before birth. Perhaps someone else in the exact same situation would have a very different experience, but that was the one that I needed in the moment - that was capped off by "Keep Coming Back - It Works". I was attracted immediately to the fact that there was no graduation date, no "goal weight" (I was a recent Weight Watchers dropout), and especially no rules. The reading of the preamble and the traditions astonished me. I had never heard anything like it before. It matched a philosophy I had long had within me, but could never put into words. I guess I was just born to be an alcoholic... LOL.
I've had many acquaintances who knew me in my drinking days say I wasn't "that bad", and they ask me if I still go to "those meetings". Yeah, I do - if I'm NOT an alcoholic, then explain to me why this fellowship of alcoholics and their 12 steps and 12 traditions have worked so well on me and my life, which has gotten nothing but better since I walked in the doors? To paraphrase Dr. Paul O.... I just might be an alcoholic, and that is perfectly ok with me.
Well I don't remember my first meeting so well as I was 15 year old at the time and agreed to go if my Mom would come get me out of jail for drunk in public. I was skipping school and hanging out, across the street, at my friends high school drinking a Olympia beer as a cop drove by. I immediately finished it and threw it in the storm drain. The cop whipped around the block and began questioning me about drinking beer. I questioned him as to what brand of beer he witnessed me drinking, which of course he couldn't tell me, so he took me in for drunk in public instead of drinking in public, a more serious charge.
My mom had a biker guy, that she knew from the rooms, take me to a meeting. My impression was that I was way too young to be hanging out with old has been drinkers. The party was just starting for me. It was almost exactly 12 years later that I walked in on my own accord shortly after my son was born, whose 23rd birthday is today.
I felt like I had just stumbled upon a group of people that understood me, that I finally had admitted I had made a real mess of things. I cried like a little girl and surrendered fully. And those people hugged me after that dramatic display and told me to keep coming back...Pretty powerful.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
