....often this little phrase causes me so much trouble. Sometimes I have a good sit on the pity pot and can't think of anything but the bad stuff I did which was a product of a sick mind in a sick body and I forget all about the good stuff I did.
then I remember the good stuff and wonder if it was all manipulative behaviours.
Then I come to the realization that the past is gone. All I need from it is the learning. The knowledge that I did some stuff that a normal, sane, healthy person wouldn't do, and reinforce that I don't wanna be like that again.
So by not regretting the past and not shutting the door on it, I learn what is and what is not acceptable behaviour in me, reinforce the good and reject the bad and sometimes I get it right first time, sometimes I need to try harder.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us - so true, at least now I know that there is no need for instant decisions other than 'let me think about it and I'll get back to you.' That's a decision, a decision to defer the decision until I have processed the problem.
But I need to be wary of prevarication - so easy to put off the decision that needs making until the issue has been resolved by others. - but at the same time, I remember that 95% of things that folks worry about never happen (Cowboy Lore!)
and just for good measure, another 5 lbs down (that 17lbs in 6 weeks.)
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I stopped regretting the past when I was finally able to forgive my self and make amends to me. I never want to forget the past or I may have to repeat it. My past when shared honestly and with out embellishment with others helps them to identify. Most importantly it helps me remember and to stay sober I need to remember my past. I don't want to dwell on it but I certainly want to remember it.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Do you measure in pounds or in stones in the UK?
Larry, ----------- By saying we are alcoholics, we are constantly reminding ourselves that we are in recovery, not cured.
For me, the embarrassing things I did can sometimes come back to haunt me! (The bad stuff I did towards others I made amends for and the waste of years, I have accepted as part of my journey!)
However I kind of just remind myself that " Louisa....do you really think that those people from all those years ago have nothing in their heads to think about other than YOU and YOUR embarrassing behaviour? Get over yourself!!!!"
Still cringe occasionally at the thought of some of it, but hey!!! Guess it helps keep me from ever wanting to go back and do all that stuff again!
Me too. However, the more time you have sober the more time you have between you and those behaviors and a track record of good and honesty. That is the beauty of the program. It gives you back your integrity, and you still have the past to convince yourself the program has a track record!!!
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Biker that is a keeper...From Hilo thanks much (Mahalo Nui)!! You might have lost some weight but its not from passing on what has worked for you. I see the picture often times as you have mentioned it here and I allow myself to see it truthfully...when I drank and when I got sober. Remorse for me isn't pity by any length. I did the pity pot stuff but not about what I did to others just the opposite. It was after the question "what was your part in this" was asked without allowances for blame and justification that I saw the highly contrasted journal of my travel toward recovery and that it was HP directed only...inspite of myself and my greatest awareness. When I drank I treated others like a drunk. That hurt many and I could only feel that pain myself when I was alcohol free.
Now that I have been given a daily wanted reprieve and a new set of beliefs and behaviors to live I can use the regret to motivate continued desired sobriety.
Stones, so I'm now at 16st 5 lbs. Apparantly I need to drop another 3 stone 3lb or grow another 8" or so to achieve an ideal height to weight ratio.
Grow another 8". Hmm didn't England use to have a device called the rack that was used lovingly in medieval times to make people taller? If you can find one of these instruments it might solve your height problem. LOL
Larry, --------------- If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." -- Rotarian ---------------
I like that our past, our "experience" actually becomes one of our biggest assets, the embarrassing and shameful escapade from yesterday becomes the story the newcomer relates to today
If I didn't have a shameful past I wouldn't be able to help others recover from their shameful todays
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Bill, Thanks for the thoughts and the PM. I shared your CTD experience and it helped.
Tha past...I'm glad that our meeting's shares have a guideline; what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. I don't regret a single step of this journey.
You might have lost some weight but its not from passing on what has worked for you. Jerry - I don't understnd this bit.
Remorse for me isn't pity by any length. I did the pity pot stuff but not about what I did to others just the opposite.
Yep, I see the difference between pity pot (poor me) and Remorse
Now that I have been given a daily wanted reprieve and a new set of beliefs and behaviors to live I can use the regret to motivate continued desired sobriety.
That's something like how it is for me Thanks for the honesty and wisdom.
Ta.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
