Abstinence is the leading cause of relapse. Sounds kind of comical when heard for the first time. Almost like a contradiction of terms. In theory, abstinence is supposed to PREVENT relapse. How can it be RESPONSIBLE for relapse?

It turns out that the recovery process cannot be done in one simple phase. Not unlike getting a car or truck rolling along it takes more than one gear. Abstinence is comparable to first gear in a motor vehicle. It is the best and sometimes the only way to get a massive vehicle in motion but not unlike a car going down the highway, being stuck in first gear is destructive. At some point the cars engine will blow apart from too much stress.

Rehab programs seldom talk about this matter because it is simply not their job to talk about long-term recovery strategies. Their goal is typically one of getting the subject to reach some short-term goal that can be achieved and measured within a short time frame,
typically 30 to 90 days.

So what is the equivalent of second gear in the recovery process? Principles to live by. Specifically rules to live by that can be used to day in and day out without overloading ones psychic engine. Some of these principles can be summed up in simple to grasp slogans like; one-day-at-a-time, easy-does-it and first-things-first. These are more or less psychological tricks and tips that can be used in times of stress.

There is more to recovery however than just psychology. There is an even higher set of principles that can be viewed as the equivalent of over-drive in an automobile. That is spiritual instead of psychological principles.

Spiritual principles are harder to learn than psychological principles because some of them are hard to grasp at first. In fact, many of them are closer to paradoxs than logic. That is why it is best to leave them for last in the learning process.

The fundamental spiritual principles are not too bad to deal with like honesty, open-mindedness and willingness but some of the deeper principles like humility and serenity are beyond the grasp of those new to the recovery process.

Perhaps the most esoteric spiritual principle to grasp is true humility. A word often confused with humiliation. The easiest way to distinguish between the two is to remember that humiliation leads to fear, guilt and shame where humility leads to insight into new truth. Another important difference between them is that humiliation is 100% pain where humility is 50% pain and 50% gain. As body-builders would say no pain, no gain.

No perhaps they haven't been put to the test. Because all too often we assume that just because a person is in the room that they are in the right place. I was never put to the test in ten years of going to AA meetings until this time at about six months away from my last drink when someone asked me why I though I was an alcoholic. I don't hear that question asked in AA much. So, no many of them are not given the dignity of finding out for themselves because most don't know the right questions to ask or are too concerned with not making someone uncomfortable, thus causing discomfort to themselves.

They stay in AA because they like the social outlet it provides. To them we are support group. But the real alcoholic needs more than a support group because he is beyond human aid.

I believe there is another component, the spiritual component, and it has to be in place as well.

"Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not."

There is a woman around here who used to baffle me and piss me off when she talked in meetings. She always says that the fellowship is what comes in between her and drink and that she loves AA. She says she has never cracked the book and has never saw the need to. She appears contented and happy with her life.

One day I was in a meeting where she was. A big part of my story is how I was restless, irritable, and discontent with a drink, about how I always felt outside of life, different, and incomplete, and how I was looking for something. Then I found booze and it did something about that in a big way. Then I experienced the phenomenon of craving, and eventually booze stopped working and I couldn't stop no matter what. And that is basically what I shared in that meeting that day.

When this woman shared, she said something that caught my attention. She said that she couldn't relate to my story about how I was restless, discontent, irritable, and incomplete without a drink. And I got it. She had some trouble drinking. Enough trouble to cause her to want to stop, so she came to AA and stopped. And her life got better and she liked it here and decided to stay. So she is not like me. She quit on a non-spiritual basis.

When I got sober, my life did not get better. I hated AA and wanted to get the hell out of here, but didn't have any other place to go. And I needed a spiritual answer to that problem.

So today, I've made peace with this lady. She's a nice lady and is happy and loves AA as much as I do. She just doesn't need AA the way I need AA.

In order to be the real alcoholic, I think you've to be powerless physically, mentally, and spiritually.