I think I'm being a bit of a dry drunk. I feel irritable and have lots of mood swings. While I am not actually being snippy with people, I am in my head, you know? One of my employees said that a client had a question. He asked what he should tell them.
"Tell them I hate them." I responded. Yeah. Real professional. Any way around this?
I am not as apprehensive about this weekend as I was about last. Having one under my belt makes me feel like since I've done it once I feel more confident that I can do it again.
It may sound strange, but I sometimes get jealous of people who got to drink for so much longer than I did, even though it put them in much worse positions. I keep reminding myself I couldn't have been so happy drinking if I got my butt to AA, right? My rational side makes so much sense but the part of me that wants a drink rarely gives a s***. It's like I WANT to do something really damaging to myself. I don't know why. I don't think I am a bad person, or have done anything horrible. I just can't stand being around me sometimes.
I am really craving from a stressful day, but I have one of my favorite meetings tonight with some girls I have been becoming friendly with, so I am looking forward to that. Meetings are so helpful. Though yesterday someone reminded me of my dad and I just burst into tears at the end of the meeting. Ugh. I know I'm not the first...
Anyhow, more meetings over the weekend and buying a couple of skirts, dog to the park, playing piano, making soup for a sick friend and dinner with mom. Not too bad. Meh.
Naaa, A dry drunk has been around a long time, you are just having an emotion, and you're new at it
We all get sick to death of ourselves on occasion, at least me and friends do, it's kind of a running joke that has spanned decades, we call each other up, "Hi, I am sick to death of me, what's going on with you?"
Just means we have chatterhead, it happens
Steps 10 and 11, especially 11 teach us how to watch that crap go by like the New York Stock exchange, and we get to choose which thoughts we pull down and nurture
Resentment +11....Impatience +15.......Self Pity - 12.......Murderous rage +17.....hate people in traffic +112387+
HEY!!!! wHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING YOU GOD DA$^%^ m63543ER WHAT THE ^%&$#&%$ IS YOUR PRO......
oops
slipped my leash, OK where was I....
Co-Workers stupid +11.........Cat shit on the carpet +125........
We aren't responsible for the first thought that pops into our head, we are responsible for what we do with it, and remember, garbage in, garbage out
It takes time....
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
AS AGO said it takes time. THis is hard for alcoholics as most of us come into AA with almost no patience.
Yes your emotions are coming back.
We have a saying that we have good news and bad news
The good news is you get your emotions back The bad news is you get your emotions back
Hang in there. As you work the steps this emotional roller coaster ride will smooth out
Larry, ------------------- First we work the program because we have to. Then we work the program because we are willing to. Finally we work the program because we want to.
Franny, yay for us! We are like sober-twins. Hee hee.
Ago, I remember a time when I could do that. It was when I meditated every day, years before I drank. I was a lot calmer and happier. I know this, so why don't I do it every day??? That seems to be the running sentiment of people who meditate...
Both Ago and Larry, the thing about getting my emotions back: I don't know that I want them. I have spent all of my life trying to avoid my emotions. I am still terrified of them. It's funny, I'm a terribly empathetic person, and I want to keep that. I like being able to understand and help people and feel for them. I just don't like feeling for ME. Because it's mainly unpleasant!
Why would I want that back? I'm still not sure I do. That's why I think I'm still flirting with anorexia. (I am also having thoughts that since no one has tried to "13th step" me, I must be absolutely hideous...)
Okay, and in the interim of all of this, a girl I have been becoming friends with, who was at the meeting and dinner with me, called me up because she was having a hard night. (She is still living with her ex and he brought another girl home. Nice.) I was able to make her feel better. And she has something like 45 days which is just amazing to me. So yeah. I can't believe she's turning to me for help! But I was really touched.
Anyhow, lots of things to discuss tomorrow about things that happened in tonight's meeting and after, but for now I must go to bed because I am absolutely exhausted.
White, Good job! Emotions can suck. My AA work has told me not to trust my emotions and Nicotine Anonymous suggests that I honestly express them. WTF!? I'm taking the AA path.
If you have a Daily Reflections book, read all of April. Twice. At Day 12 I doubt that you're into Step 4, but there are some good nuggets in April for coping with negative emotions.
During one of my first meetings an OT told me "your head is a shi**y neighborhood to be in alone when it's starting to get dark. Don't go back in there without a friend."
You'll be okay. I find myself saying a lot more "let me think about that for a moment" than "no fu**ing way!" or some other drunken a$$hole phrase-gem.
