Well today I have been sober one week. That is just incredible to me. I am thrilled! I have been to at least one meeting every day and know I never could have done it without that.
I went to an amazing meeting on Friday called "fearless" where we have a speaker on, yup, you guessed it: fear! They had an ex-priest speaking, and while I am a bit wary of clergy in general, boy was he an AWESOME speaker! I was pretty much ready to take communion from the guy by the end and I'm not even a Christian! Hah. It was packed and had tons of couches and a fireplace. Very cozy! Had a quick bite with my sponsor afterward. I felt a little awkward and shy but it was probably good anyway.
Saturday I went to two meetings. All these girls I have been making friends with encouraged me to go to the women's meeting on Saturday morning. I did, but I have to say it made me SUPER nervous and uncomfortable. First of all, there was a speaker who was this very elegant woman who was 71. She was very dramatic and VERY materialistic and I basically couldn't identify with her at all. Seems to use men just to get money and country houses and fancy clothes... That tends to bother me. Anyhow, no biggie, it happens. But it seems everyone else totally could identify with her completely. Made me a little skeeved, but again, not a huge deal. Could probably be the location. I am on the upper east side of manhattan which can get a little, well rich-bitch-y. (But hey, I live there too!)
So the thing that has really been bothering me is that I have heard a bunch of times lately about women gossiping about each other behind each others' back in the program and that REALLY scares me. I have a hard time being friends with women (rather most of them don't seem to like me, I don't know why, men seem easier to get along with.) But hearing this is just making it VERY hard to trust them. I really want to, but I am scared.
The other thing that made it hard was how incredibly thin a few of the women were. It's triggering to me. Speaking of which, I am not sure but I have felt like my anorexia is trying to weasel it's way back in. I am finding myself hungry at times but being "too busy" to do anything about it/not minding/enjoying the feeling. Been toying with buying laxatives/diuretics. Anyhow so I don't know if I should go back to that particular meeting. Might give it one more go. I don't know. Haven' t been able to tell anyone about the possible relapsing going on... Can't say it out loud because I'm afraid they'll stop me. God I hate this.
Went to a VERY cool step 11 meeting that I was encouraged to attend on Sunday. I have real trouble with all the God stuff in the big book. I keep trying to sub in "higher power" but the whole people telling me to get on my knees or bend to "his will" makes me want to cry or run screaming into the streets. It makes me feel hopeless. But they had a meeting where a guy was reflecting on his spirituality and it seemed very similar to mine in terms of reflecting more on the universe and a general energy therein as opposed to the big G. So that was helpful to feel like someone else was able to get through it that way.
Hey I'll drink to that!! (WILL BE WATER WITH LEMON PLEASE)cONGRATULATIONS FEEL THE JOY OF A "NEW WAY OF LIFE" Take what you need now ,and leave the rest behind for another day.We are sick people and just becuase we put down the drink don't mean we all of a sudden "got it"!!! people are going to be people and some are sicker than others..remember this disease manifests itself in 'all " areas of our lives.Learning to work spiritual principles will help the other things that go on that we may have missed in a stupor..Celebrate life,way to go!...thanks for keeping us sober........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Congrats and I lift my Crystal Light Lemonade to you.
Keep going to meetings, All kinds of people in all stages of alcoholism can be found at meetings. I gravitate towards the ones that have something I wan't.
Peace, serenity, sobriety, happiness, and so on. They are like a attract me like a magnet and I learn how to live life on life's terms by listening to how they did it.
Larry, ---------------------------- I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. ~Phil Harris
Cyber toast with my new favorite drink.........Ruby Red Grapefruit juice on ice with a bendy straw! YUM!!!!!
I say eat, eat and eat some more! Think of all the calories that are in the wine you used to drink each night.
I have been eating like crazy....trying to make healthy choices, but that doesn't always happen.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a great feeling. I look forward to getting up in the morning and going to bed sober, not passing out. My confidence has grown in this very short amount of time. I felt such terrible guilt about my drinking that I am starting to feel like I am not trapped anymore. I can get in my car at night and drive anywhere I want because I am SOBER! :)
Hey! Congratulations! I can totally relate to the not getting along with women thing too (I think it's a woman thing! haha)
There are lots of other meetings to go to. I don't think you should go to a group that makes you uncomfortable. I would just try other spots. You've got enough on your plate right now right? Why would you want to throw trust issues into the mix?!
((by the way I lol'd when you said you were ready to take communion from the ex priest:) ))
Ah Bikerbill, I love tea. And oddly enough the last three people I have dated have been from the UK. What can I say I'm a sucker for the accent.
My favorite drink these days is seltzer with lemon or lime, but I'll take lemonade or iced tea at times too. And I am completely addicted to coffee again. I used to drink a pot a day, got it down to 1 cup for years (too busy drinking other things) but now I am right back on the coffee and manic as can be.
Ah Bikerbill, I love tea. And oddly enough the last three people I have dated have been from the UK. What can I say I'm a sucker for the accent.
My favorite drink these days is seltzer with lemon or lime, but I'll take lemonade or iced tea at times too. And I am completely addicted to coffee again. I used to drink a pot a day, got it down to 1 cup for years (too busy drinking other things) but now I am right back on the coffee and manic as can be.
Coffee and chocolate became my drugs of choice
Not a bad idea to keep a stash of chocolate in the house for late night vague cravings the first year by the way, alcohol is sugar really, and a bit of chocolate knocks those cravings right out...until of course they become chocolate cravings and then midnight runs to the local gas station/convenience store in your jammies and slippers to pick up chocolate become commonplace
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Hee hee. Yeah, I don't see me doing that over chocolate. I have a huge fear of gaining weight though, so I have mainly been sticking with things like lollies for the sugar craving, since I figure I can't down too many of those at once.
Hi white wine (that was my poison too). Lots of men on this board and they have great things to say. My favorite meeting is one that is a balance of men and women. I went to an all women's step meeting on making amends. I happened to know for sure that one of the women who talked the longest had never made amends to my friend for some VERY serious offenses involving money, trust and just plain old taking advantage of someone. I found myself wanting to go spit in her face. BUT, there were many other women there who were sincere in working the steps so I tried to refocus on that. Trusting women can be difficult but finding one or two very special female friends is so helpful to rebuilding that trust. As for the anorexia. WOW. You're dealing with double issues. It's so important to respect HALT. Don't let hunger, anger, tiredness and lonliness infringe on your sobriety. Body image is SO huge for women but the most important thing is to be healthy - spiritually, physically and mentally. That means eating healthy!!! That being said, ice cream got me through the earliest days off white wine. I have no experience of east side Manhattan - I'm more of a country bumpkin but some people's values can be phony wherever you love. Try to see them for what they are, feel sorry for those people and just keep on growing yourself. All the best!!!
LIFE" Take what you need now ,and leave the rest behind for another day.We are sick people and just becuase we put down the drink don't mean we all of a sudden "got it"!!! people are going to be people and some are sicker than others..remember this disease manifests itself in 'all " areas of our lives.Learning to work spiritual principles will help the other things that go on that we may have missed in a stupor..Celebrate life,way to go!...thanks for keeping us sober........