Steaming Mad.........But Still Sober

Dadx5 · Member

Steaming Mad.........But Still Sober

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

What and absolutely marvelous, awesome, courageous and "keep me sober God
thing to do" for yourself, Dad.    Steps1...2...3 at in one shot and you left your
spouse to be responsible for her own choices.   Be cool when she gets home you
already know what it's gonna look, sound and feel like.   Let her be responsible
for her choice just like you are learning to and let God have the rest of it.

Great work.   smile

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Dadx, you did the right thing. I would've asked her a couple times, told her that I was leaving and she'd have to find a way home, and left. She's an adult, fully free to do what she pleases and be responsible for her decisions. Usually, for those must attend situations, I go late and leave early, limiting my stay to 90 minutes. No one will remember how long that you stayed. Good job at staying sober. Oh btw, now you have an excuse not to go to the next one.

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Dadx5 wrote:
I am SICK to my stomach. But you know what, I DID NOT DRINK TONIGHT.

"I DID NOT DRINK TONIGHT" That evening was a huge success! Well done.

Like Dean said, now you have a valid excuse not to go to the next event like this.

Larry,
----------------
"You're not responsible for your disease, but you are responsible for your behavior."

itsmichael · Veteran Member

That was my thought, too.... "well he's off the hook for the next one, easily!"

You inspired me with your story of outstanding self-care. Good job. Your Higher Power was with you the whole time!

M

louisa · Senior Member

Oh! You did GOOD Dadx5 !!

YOU did not get drunk or make a fool of yourself.

In early sobriety, I used to find it hard to not feel embarrassed, ashamed and angry at the behaviour of people close to me. I also in early sobriety used to get pretty dam angry at others not always understanding alcoholism.

Truth is , I never used to understand this disease myself (still don't totally! biggrin

) and for sure my own behaviour many times was.......well.......you all know the story!
Louisa xx
PS. many times I STILL have to remind myself to keep the focus on myself and my behaviour - not always easy. confuse

-- Edited by louisa on Sunday 18th of April 2010 07:54:31 AM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

btw, Dadx did the others getting drunk and acting stupid, sicken you or did you enjoy the entertainment value of it? Usually for me, I laugh at the drunks and their drunken antics then my amusement evolves into irritable-ness and discontentment. That's when it's time to leave before anger rears it ugly head. It Takes about 90 minutes.

Yesterday, and old friend and great guitar player called me to let me know his band was performing at a beach bar from 6-10pm. I got there at 9 and stayed 30 minutes afterward to talk to him. Had an hour's worth of good music, a blackened mahi-mahi sandwich, smoked amberjack fish spread, french fries and water with a lime. 90 minutes on the nose.

Aqua-dude will appreciate this.

http://www.costaricapages.com/panama/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/mahi.jpg

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 18th of April 2010 08:13:52 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This is what we call going to any lengths...good job!

runnergirl · Senior Member

Just reading your post got my heart rate up and made me anxious. I am sure it was not an enjoyable experience, but you handled it wonderfully. I understand not wanting to "let the cat out of the bag," but you did the right thing. You should be really proud of yourself... really proud. My heart goes out to you and I hope everything goes alright when you and your wife talk. Way to go...

HUGS

Oblong · Veteran Member

Good Job Dad!

I can imagine how that must have felt..

AGO · MIP Old Timer

Dadx5 wrote:

finally I pulled one of her colleagues to the side and said, "look, I'm a recovering alcoholic, my wife won't leave, and I'm freaking out here. Will you bring her home?' I then left.

You did exactly the right thing, I never go anywhere there is drinking without my own car/escape route

I even skipped my 25 year high school reunion because it was 150 miles away and I have 3 high school friends that drink that live in my neighborhood that wanted to ride with me as they knew I would be a good "designated driver"

Having been through what you just went through many times over the years I just decided not to go, I will NEVER put myself in the power of a drinking person again, and that's just how that is, I don't care if it is my wife, girlfriend, mother or best friend.

I drive my own car and that's just how that is, no offense, do what you want but I leave when I want, period, no drama, it's not up for discussion or negotiation, I will not get mad you stayed and got drunk, so don't get mad I left.

It's a non-issue now

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

It works if you work it. You my friend, Dadx5, are working it! I can tell you when I was very fresh in in your situation, I would have gotten absolutely hammered. Nicely done.

Steve

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Oh my, Dadx5. What an incredible miracle of an evening!! I had a lump in my throat just reading through that. I would hope with all my heart that it is "All Quiet on the Western Front" today, but I would be surprised. I just want to tell you that what you did for YOURSELF last night makes you my hero, for today. Life arranged the means, but YOU did the WORK, period.

Sounds like you need a serious MEETING!!!! Not only would that help you further, but it would help someone else, if not EVERYONE ELSE with their recovery today. Why don't you find a meeting and go?

(((((((hugs)))))))
Joni

Ellen E · Senior Member

When I was first sober, I found I got angry at other people who could drink because I couldn't drink myself. That's one reason----one good BIG reason----why I stayed away from people who were drinking for quite awhile after I got sober. What it boiled down to, even though I couldn't admit it to myself at the time, was that I was jealous that they could drink and I couldn't.

Now I know it's okay----the rest of the world can drink. I just can't, that's all. It doesn't matter what they do. It just matters what I do or don't do and that I recognize which places are "slippery" places for me.

I don't enjoy being around places where other people drink anymore. I don't enjoy the second hand boozey smell on their breaths, I don't enjoy the dumb things they do, I don't think what they think is funny IS funny----so I just stick to what I do enjoy. I don't get mad over it, I just have better things to do.

I can now be around other people who are drinking without becoming upset. If I go to someone else's house and they happen to be drinking, I don't foam at the mouth and crave it because my compulsion to drink is gone. I can go to weddings or other functions where there will be alcohol consumption if it's family or dear friends and it's an appropriate occasion. If I go to dinner and someone at the table orders a drink, I'm fine.

But at any point, I know when to say "Okay this isn't fun anymore. Time to go home." I make sure I have my own transportation to leave when I'm ready. I don't kid myself.

I don't serve alcohol in my home for any reason, but I don't mind if others do. It's their business, not mine. I know some alcoholics do serve alcohol if they feel safe and that's okay, too. I don't have any opinion on that either way. I just don't prefer to do it.

I think the biggest thing we as alcoholics need to accept is that WE can't drink. No matter what others do, WE can't. If your wife chose to drink and make a fool of herself, then that was her choice. It doesn't reflect on you. YOU reflect on you and you did the right thing. That's wonderful and I congratulate you! It's not easy but you still did the right thing and that's HUGE!

Dadx5 · Member

St. Pete, there was a real drunk woman in a real bad dress. I'm not talking about any bad dress, this thing was covered with black and white feathers. And she was an even worse dancer. She looked like a big old drunk turkey vulture. So needless to say.........well I don't need to say anything else, feathers were flying. That was pretty funny, I'll remember that for a while.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Yep, since I've been sober, and I am around people who are drinking (our program tells us if and when we can do this, safely, as you'll found out in due course) it kind of freaks me out that those all toolboxes who

a) talk too loud;
b) talk crap;
c) repeat themselves over and over;
e) go over the top with praise, laughter, anger or other emotion; and/or
f) basically just act like asshats

are probably mild compared to how I was when I was drinking.

That insight in and of itself helps me to keep coming back to AA!

Steve

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

SteveP wrote:

Yep, since I've been sober, and I am around people who are drinking (our program tells us if and when we can do this, safely, as you'll found out in due course) it kind of freaks me out that those all toolboxes who

a) talk too loud;
b) talk crap;
c) repeat themselves over and over;
e) go over the top with praise, laughter, anger or other emotion; and/or
f) basically just act like asshats

are probably mild compared to how I was when I was drinking.

That insight in and of itself helps me to keep coming back to AA!

Steve

awe jeez, me too Steve!! I am quite sure that in a few hours of drinking at bars, I am no doubt that woman I HATE to see, with her mouth yapping and wandering around like she owns the place trying to run the bar and everyone in it!! YUCK!!!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Dadx5 wrote:

St. Pete, there was a real drunk woman in a real bad dress. I'm not talking about any bad dress, this thing was covered with black and white feathers. And she was an even worse dancer. She looked like a big old drunk turkey vulture. So needless to say.........well I don't need to say anything else, feathers were flying. That was pretty funny, I'll remember that for a while.

Remember? you'll be scared for life

Dave Harm · Senior Member

My first sobriety ended on a deal like that. The ex-wife never really partied until I sobered up. Then the longer I stayed sober... the more she drank... she quit drinking when I returned to drinking.

Eventually after sobering up for a second time I got divorced. She loved the drunk me... but wanted nothing to do with the sober me...

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

dadx - powerful, powerful stuff. You did the right thing. when it get's like you need to leave, get the hell out.

I don't enjoy leaving people to drink away, but that's thir choice and their business, not mine.

If I go to a gig like this, I always have the means to leave and get home independantly,I don't rely on ANYONE to rescue me.

Sure, you'll be worried about the missus, but hey, maybe she's a big enough gurl to deal with it.

and turning up the pressure a notch - experienced that. I was due to go to a school reunion last night, but then remembered the pressure I got last time and how difficult I found it, decided to not go. also remembered the belittling behaviour of some of the people there - it got me angry - I don't like getting angry - people saying stuff like, what's with the orange juice, get a mans drink down yer - this was over two years ago, when I was still pretty shaky (and pretty arrogant), I recall pissing the particular guy off, he's pressing me to have a drink, just the one, you'll be OK - so i said OK, if I have a drink, you have to accept everything that could happen next, like I'll steal your car, puke on your shoes, chat up your wife, piss up your back and you'll end up so angry you'll fight me. then I left. That made me the bad guy, so what.

One of the other guys invited me to his wedding and a great time I had, because this guy understood and accepted that I don't drink.

I used to be ashanmed and embarrased that I was an alcoholic, until I realised that most everyone already new, but some were too polite to say and others just thought it was funny and anyway I realised that I WAS a drinking alkie, now I'm a non drinking alkie. and that's a good thing to be.

louisa · Senior Member

St. Pete, there was a real drunk woman in a real bad dress. I'm not talking about any bad dress, this thing was covered with black and white feathers. And she was an even worse dancer. She looked like a big old drunk turkey vulture. So needless to say.........well I don't need to say anything else, feathers were flying. That was pretty funny, I'll remember that for a while.

*Giggling ALOT!* biggrin

Ms London · Veteran Member

This thread is great. Bikerbill, I so identified with your post.
Dad, your story had my heart rate up, too. You did so well. And the drunk turkey vulture is such an image, love it!

Avril G · Senior Member

WELL DONE DAD!! Like Bill, I have attended a few High School reunions in early recovery, and learnt the same lesson. I HATE DRUNKS!!! Probably cos they remind me of ME. I never know whether they are going to kiss me or kick me, but ewither way, I'd rather pass.

I have a getout clause too - I go to the toilet, ring someone on my mobile and ask them to ring me in 10 minutes, so I can pretend I have to leave cos something's cropped up.