Thank you again, for all the love and the encouragement. yes, Vonnegut is my solace at night now. LOL Sooooooo much better then relying on that old marriage that didn't work!!
hand Specialist said I need nerve conduction studies and electromyogram, which consists of thin needles being pushed into muscle tissue... RRRAAAAAAAAHHHHRGHHH!!! This too shall pass, and hopefully soon. But according to doc, "You have a serious problem". Welp, no sh%t. LOL
In other news..... went to a brand new awesome mtg tonight, and met up witht eh woman I have been praying to run into and didn't know who it would be, but I know this woman is the one I was meant to see. And guess what? WE now have a plan of action for me, for the next 30 days. Aside from some work in the Book to help me LEARN and find my TRUTHS about my powerlessness and unmanageability, this very lady sat at my dining room table with me after the meeting, old fashioned 12th Step AA style, and we got started on the work of me staying sober, just one day at a time. I am to do a few simple things, even though I have had years of sobriety and been down Recovery Road before.... I need some humility. I am to:
1. ask god to KEEP ME SOBER every morning (not "help ME" stay sober) 2. go to my group therapy 4 days/wk for the next 4 wks 3. go to a meeting 6 days out of the week 4. even though I dirve, let AA women pick me up for mtgs for 30 days 5. attend a few women's mtgs per week 6. DO NOT PICK UP IF MY ASS FALLS OFF EVEN
Nice start. I am soooo teachable right now. I want to stay that way. This particular woman has founded and started 5 women's recovery places here in my city, they are like halfway houses for addicted women getting out of jail where they are accountable, do drug tests, have to do meetings, get jobs, etc..... this lady is the BOMB and I am so glad to be working with her. She means business and wants to see women LIVE beyond the addiction. She rocks and I thank God for putting her in my path tonight, and all i can say is:
ROCK ON, GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Awesome jonijoni, sounds kinda like my last go around. There was this gentleman that I really related to but was afraid to ask him to be my sponsor (thought that he'd be too tough on me) so I chose someone my age (29 at the time). 2 years later after not being able to stay sober for more than 2 months I decided to try and find this guy to ask to sponsor me. After going to some meetings that he used to attend and asking around and hearing that no one has seen him in awhile, I kinda gave up. I then prayed that my Higher Power would help me find him. That night I got a call from a friend who live about 30 miles in the other direction. He invited me to a meeting near him. I should up before he did, walked down the stairs into the church basement and the first person I saw was the man I was looking for. He had moved from Alexandria to Vienna. I immediately said thanks to my HP. I was the turning point in my recovery.
Great to hear that you have found a strong sponsor. Now it is up to you to follow her suggestions no matter what.
When I came in I got a great, strong sponsor. Frequently his suggestions to me would result in my sick brain thinking, Why do that that's crazy, or I don't want to do that. I did it anyway because I was at bottom and had no where to go. This was a great place to be for an alcoholic like me. If my sponsor said jump my only question would be how high?
Guess what, it worked for me and it can work for you too.
Hugs
Larry, ---------------------------- A Sponsor is Someone Who Holds the Light While You Dig
Great News Joni, sounds just like the one that changed my own feeble attempts to get in and Stay in this Life Saving Program.
One of the most powerful she ever said to me when we began our Sponsor/Sponsee relationship, This is about becoming a Sponsor, nothing to do with becoming friends. Larry put it so well, she held the light, while I did all the digging....
The "Tough as Nails Sponsor" that I finally choose, (translation: "Tough as Nails" Like the most Deadly Serious Person about the Program I have ever met), even to date, would allow tripple 0 to any of my BS, and followed her suggestions, that really felt more like Orders, but I wanted to stop manipulating, very entrenched learned behavior as a servival skill, and she sure as hell taught me that one....
And the day came when it was finally clear to me, that when you KNOW better, you DO better.
Happy for you with this awesome new woman, it simply takes what it takes......and no, Jonipie, you are the BOMB! Well another Bomb...... haha, just had a silly thought, she is the Big Bomb, and you are the Baby Bomb.....gotta run now and get my silly bone in order......:)
hahahahahaaaa!!! Toni, I love you to pieces.... with baby bomb and big bomb and you got it soo right!
DFean, this stuff is indeed so miraculous, isn't it? I have to wonder how many times God directed BOTH me and someone else to be at the same meeting at the same time over the past few years, cuz maybe SHE needed ME, and I did not show up??? Because that's what I got good at doing, NOT showing up.
Hey guys, I found the poerfect apartment today, it too was a God thing and my other sponsor Monica whom I have had for 10 years said it gave her the best vibes ever, and this place is exactly like my little sanctuary I originally got serious and sober in. It is one of those very old BIG brick Buildings with only 4 very LONG apartment units. All hardwood floors, French windows, fireplace (no longer works but who cares) big giant oak hardwood trim throughout, an extra solarium even...... and to boot, they actually put closets and built-ins in the place, as those old building s have NO storage space in the rentals. Biggest plus of all---- landlord likes my dog a lot and will accept her even though he usually only accepts dogs 20 lb or lighter. (mine is a 38 lb. Norwegian Elkhound). This building has an additional lot attached at the side, which is VERY long, grassy and shady with about 3 or 4 HUMONGOUS hardwood trees to shade the yard in the summer. I lived in an apt just like this before i got married, and now I get the same thing back only bigger and better this time. It is on a shady small residential street where there are some Century Homes, and 3 blocks from the police station (safety). Not to worry about finances right now, as my soon to be ex is very generous and a real good person and FRIEND... and will not let me just go tot he crapper, he wants me in as good or better position than I was in when I met him, it is a thing of pride for him to not leave me impoverished. And i am very thankful for that.
I have done nothing lately for sure, to deserve all this but God keeps showering bklessings down upon me because He WANTS me to be happy. He wants me to be grateful and thankful and sober. He WANTS me to live a good life as his precious little girl that I will always be. And he loves my dog and kitty obviously, too!! LOL
I do have quite a LOAD on my plate right now. A few weeks to pack up a whole house and divide stuff up, while attending outpaitent therapy 4 days a week, attebnding 6 meetings a week, and in a really TOUGH college course starting this week. Plus my hand is messed up. How do I handle all this? God does not give me more than.... this I know. But it has been in times of high stress with a lot on my plate that I have best been able to stay close to Him and especially stay sober. When i picked up recently, I was lonely and bored. The ahrdest point in the past year was a year ago when my aunt had emergency open heart surgery and I had to take care of her and her house which looked like something out of "Hoarders", I kid you not... and I was working full time and had found out about the husband cheating again all at the same time. And my recovery and spiritual relationship with God was at it's finest during that time. It was when I got complacent adn bored and lonely adn angry that I fell down. Interesting....
Anyway, please pray for me in the coming weeks. I feel almost self ish for asking for prayers, but i truly need them so badly right now. I am already exhausted and there is more to come..... help!! But God is good and as long as each day I keep asking him to KEEP ME SOBER, and then start my daily plan, I will survive and in a month, i will sit here (or rather, there) at my computer and report how lovely things are, and how serene it is. Can't wait!!
Love, Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
awe thanks Larry, very sweet of you and we all very much need prayer and practice. I had better get praying too, because I am not the only person who needs prayer right now!!
Good night :o)
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I've had the nerve conduction studies myself, Joni. I have a genetic neuropathy that affects my legs and feet and will someday also affect my hands, they tell me. So far, so good on the hands, though. :) But anyway, even though the tests aren't what I'd call enjoyable, they're really not all that bad, either. It's important to just concentrate on keeping relaxed so it can get over with the soonest. Talk to your Higher Power, recite the serenity prayer and really think about it--whatever will get you through.
My prayers will be with you. You'll get through them by doing all the good things you and your sponsor have set up for you and especially by turning it over to your Higher Power and then letting Him keep it. Especially at the time you're going through the tests.
I didn't have needles, though. They used a probe thing that just pulsed a little instant pulse of energy on each muscle/nerve they wanted to check. It didn't hurt. It just felt odd. Maybe you misunderstood how the test will be done? Even if you didn't misunderstand, they'll still make it as painless as at all possible, I'm sure, so try not to dread it too much. You didn't say when you'll have the studies---are they done yet?
This too shall pass, and hopefully soon. But according to doc, "You have a serious problem". Welp, no sh%t. LOL
haha, just had a silly thought, she is the Big Bomb, and you are the Baby Bomb.....gotta run now and get my silly bone in order......:)