All right, so yesterday I was a little conflicted as to whether I should switch meetings, got some great feedback which I really appreciated- went back to this awesome beginner's meeting last night and spilled my guts. Owned up to my relapse, the reason that I thought I had relapsed, the fact that I feel as though now I have hit my personal bottom. In the past, perhaps the suggestion from another was what brought me to AA, this time I feel as though it is my own personal realization that if I'm up against a stint in rehab, then *I* know it's time to be in AA. For me. I talked about going to grief counseling, and about how I admired people who could get through devastating losses without picking up & how I hoped to get there.
Anyway, there's this new guy in the group. Actually he's not part of the group. Last night was his first time at the meeting, and he shared after I did. Hmm.. actually sharing is not what he did. He TALKED directly to me. And talked down to me, reminded me that getting through a death or a loss of any kind is "so much better" sober and that I need to keep that in mind.
I was flabbergasted. In all the meetings I've gone to this is the first time this has happened & the meeting chair did nothing to stop it. Unreal. I felt like yelling at him. "YEAH, NO S**T this would be easier if I were sober, why the F do you think I have my butt in this chair tonight??" I really felt awful. My alcoholic mind did not know what to say, or how to set any boundaries. I don't even know if it was my place to do that, so I just said nothing... and actually he continued his little crosstalking thing to a few of the other people who had just shared.
You got first hand experience yesterday that some are sicker than others.
I am so proud of your reaction, although you were angered by it, you said nothing. It takes some of us a long time to accomplish that.
There is a saying in AA that I really like and you exemplified it.
"I don't have to join into every argument I am invited to"
Doing what the other fellow did is Judging and we have another saying
"Those that judge don't matter and those that matter don't judge"
None of us has any control over other people, but we can choose our reaction. In order to lose my anger toward someone I have been taught to pray for them. I don't mean pray that God make that SOB a nice guy, what I mean is pray simply that he or she be given all the blessings and gifts that I would like. By doing this our resentments fade away. You can evan be silently praying for him as he is talking down to you. Try it next time and let me know how it works for you.
Larry, ------------------ Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
-- Edited by Larry_H on Thursday 15th of April 2010 12:50:11 PM
Crosstalk drives me NUTS. It was happening at a meeting this morning and I found myself just feeling really weird and unsafe. Of course I was... there was a lack of healthy boundaries there and it felt like my dysfunctional family!
So I went to part of another meeting directly afterward before reporting for work, and it helped me shake it off. I got to hear a couple of great recovery stories and remember why I am there.
M
__________________
"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
you did say it was a beginners meeting. So, Im sure he didn't know what he was doing was very rude.......Maybe a reminder after the meeting would help him in the future. I do wonder tho what the chair person was thinking?????
Hi, As painful as it felt, Many, many times in my recovery people in meetings stepped all over me. I once heard " a strong illness needs strong medicine". At the time I could not FEEL I was getting something that would help me grow. All I could feel was my own self hatred. Looking back it was easier to blame the person who hurt my feelings than look at the fact what the person said was truth, which hurt. I slowly learned the strange gift in those experiences. Today i am grateful for those teachers. I am not as fragile as I want to think I am. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I still need honesty. Much hope to you in your journey. Toad
If it was me...I'd forgive him and let it go. Of course that's not my natural first instinct. My first impulse would be to congratulate him for Master Alkie of The F**kin' Year, give him a napkin with a blue ribbon drawn on it and ask him if he would be my Grand-Sponsor and personal savior.
We can't carry grudges. They fit perfectly into a flask.
You're doing fine. We must become creatures of peace, acceptance and grace in order to stay sober and happy.
I dunna, water dude...I kinda REALLY LIKE the congratulations/blue ribbon/grand savior thing!!!!!!!!!! LMAO
For me, sometimes forgiveness of these fools is highly overrated, and I am better off calling a spade a spade, scraping my shoe, and moving on. As in away from the source of the crud-ola that is disrupting my serenity. I don't buy it that it is always a flaw in me if something someone else says/does provokes discomfort in me. Sometimes it REALLY IS the other person's poison! If a dog bites me and I hurt, believe me, it is NOT a reflection of my "spiritual condition". It's a damn dog bite and it hurts! So I avoid the dog. (This assumes that it is not My dog and I am responsible for training it, of course.)
