Only one of the many first lessons I got from the elders of recovery was never
ever place myself in shakey situations; since I am powerless and so use to
unmanagability.  I knew how to drink.  I did not know how not to. (simple
realizatiions worked best for me).  If I had not done as much time not drinking
as I had drinking what possible outcome could I expect?...

I will relate just a bit of my journey with you. At about 20 to 21 years sober and
a practicing fellow of AA, my wife and I went out to a comedy and musical show
locally.  Before the show started the waitress came around to get the orders for
the minimums and while my wife who is not alcoholic was able to order her Pepsi
I could literally not speak from confusion.  I had never selected a firm substitute
for my drinking for all of the time I'd been in recovery.  I had never taken myself
out to a sit down, enjoy a show and drink situation since getting sober and the
consequence was now...the waitress made 4 trips to get my order.  I wanted a
Pierrie with a twist or something similar but my mouth wanted to say Tanguerey
on the rocks with an olive and an onion.  I was flabbergasted!! and my wife was
not going to do it for me (grateful).  I almost ran because even though I knew
for certain I would not drink alcohol it still had control over my mind and emotions.  Cunning, Powerful and Baffling.  After about 20 minutes I got a
Crystal water and twist and tried to enjoy the show.  I did barely because I was
also very humbled by the power of this disease.  It doesn't care how much time
you have and the less the better.   Talk it over with your sponsor.

In support.

Jundrewia, This is exactly what you shouldn't be doing, and if you were going to meetings, and working with a sponsor for the last 19 days (especially going to beginners meetings), you would've heard many times to stay away from slippery people, places, and things. It's is ill advised to go out with your old drinking buddies to a bar ever, let alone at 19 days sober. You need to cancel this date and get honest with your friend and tell her that you can't go out to a place that serves alcohol and watch her (and a bunch of other people) drink because you have a drinking problem and it would be too tempting to have a drink. If she doesn't understand that then she is not your friend. I you feel that you must maintain this relationship then invite her to go to lunch, dinner, or a movie or someplace that doesn't serve alcohol. If she doesn't want to do that then she is not your friend and it's more about having someone around to drink with.

The opposite of going out with your old friends to a drinking establishment, is to make new friends in the program and learn how to go out and do things that don't involve alcohol. We learn how to have fun without drinking. It feels awkward at first because we are alcoholics and we believe that you can't have fun without drinking. This is what is considered and discussed in the Big book as "An old idea". And the book says that "We must let go of our old ideas Absolutely". And we really need to let go of our old "friends" (drinking buddies) along with those ideas.

Now when I was newly sober (about a dozen times) I didn't listen and apply these principals, and suggestions, that I had heard in the meetings. I thought that this was about willpower and at 1 or 2 months sober (which I had accumulated about 12 times) I was strong enough to say no to drinking on any circumstance and I proved over and over again that I was wrong. I got myself into the "slippery" situations (like you are planning to) and every time my disease told me "what the heck, I can have one drink" and I got drunk. This went on for 2 years, and in that 2 years I got charged with 2 DUIs, lost a marriage, further alienated my family,  and lost, by far, the best job that I ever had. I also went to jail a few times. 





-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 15th of April 2010 04:09:31 AM

I had an engagement at a similar time in my sobriety. I was at about 3 weeks. Some AA people suggested that maybe I shouldn't go. In retrospect, it was good advice, however I went anyway and stayed sober. This was on a 3 day fishing trip. The most important thing you can do (IMO) is stay in a concious contact with your HP, it will not let you down, ever!

Eventually we all will be exposed to alcohol in our lives, and we need to learn how to deal with it. I am only at 10+ months sober, but have been in several social situations with alcohol, and God will protect you if ask for the protection. Interestingly, I feel much more engaged in these situations than I ever did before.

I have always tried to have an escape route though, for when things get messy (and they nearly always do around liquor), so drive by yourself, or have a way out if things get bad. Leave, and leave now.

Ideally it would be best to steer clear of it, but if you are going to go, do these things-
1) take God with you
2) have an escape
3) have a good time and be an example that life without liquor is happy, joyous, and free. Believe me, people notice. It may be one of the best things you ever do for someone, without even realizing it.

Jundrewia wrote:

---

Tomorrow is day 19 of my sobriety and I have plans to go to a comedy club with my friend. Ironically it's the friend I was with the last time I drank (and blacked out...really bad). This will be the first real test for me because it's the first time I'll be out, in a place serving alcohol, and I won't be drinking. Yikes!

What's going on in my head is a struggle between the person who LOVES that she's sober and the alcoholic who's trying to convince me that I can go back to drinking with no problems. I even started to think about drinking again and just hiding it. These are all temptations that I've given in to in the past.

I am going to do everything to resist temptation and enjoy the night out with a good friend, enjoying some great comedy. It's not going to be easy. I will let you know how it goes!

---

I'd suggest getting honest with yourself about your motives, your post contains some serious contradictions, you are sticking your head in the Tiger's mouth and then are going to be "surprised" when it bites you. If not this time then the next, that's how alcoholism works, you've experienced it yourself in the past REPEATEDLY

These are all temptations that I've given in to in the past.

you don't state you are going to resist temptation, you write you are going to "do everything you can"

 

The struggle you speak of is clearly evident in your post, and has everyone has stated, it's just playing with fire, which, in the light of your past experiences is plain insanity, to me it sounds like you are ready to step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking, if not this time, then the next.

How has that worked out for you every single time?

This is the insanity of alcoholism

Once you get SOBER (after working the steps) you can go anywhere and do anything, provided your motives are good and you take certain precautions, like having an escape route, taking AA friends etc but that is AFTER you are "recovered" not before, not while you are still suffering from alcoholic insanity

Go or don't go, drink or don't drink, but be aware you aren't driving the bus, your alcoholism is, and once it takes the wheel and takes you for another spin around the merry go round that you may or may not make it back from, AA is waiting and the steps are waiting to help you recover from this hideous disease

Alcoholism is not how much you drink, alcoholism is an untenable sobriety that only alcohol or a spiritual experience will address, and an alcoholic will ALWAYS choose one or the other

The choice is yours

 

http://www.aaroundtable.com/literature/insanity.htm

The word sanity means, "wholeness or completeness of mind; being able to see the truth."  According to this definition, even if we are 99% sane in our thinking (which is questionable in my case!), there is still some incompleteness or insanity.  The last few words in the Second Step (restore us to sanity) is not suggesting that we are crazy, it is saying that when it comes to combating alcohol, the alcoholic's thinking has some mental blank spots in seeing the truth.

A few lines into this chapter says that, "...our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people."  This is describing the experience of an alcoholic, so to help you identify whether you are one or not, ask yourself if this is your experience.  The next line says, "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession (or lie) of every abnormal drinker."  For me this line is a good joke because it mentions controlling AND enjoying drinking which is impossible for an alcoholic.  We can do one or the other but not both.  If an alcoholic is trying to hold back and control their drinking, they are not enjoying it; and if an alcoholic is enjoying their drinking, it is usually more correctly described as having no control.

The second paragraph on page 30 contains the first of the two First Step questions: We learned that we had to fully concede (which means to admit to be true, or to admit defeat) to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics.  This is the first step in recovery.  The delusion (or lie) that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.  The lampshade on the wall version of the First Step only uses the word admitted, but here it refers to what we do as ADMITTING TO OUR INNERMOST SELVES, which sounds more like an acceptance.  An acceptance of a problem is a MUCH deeper experience than just a surface admission of that problem.  I remember when I was still drinking, I would sometimes admit that I was an alcoholic because it explained why I drank the way I did and gave me liberty to drink more.  But when I finally ACCEPTED that I had a problem, then and only then did I finally do something about it.  The book then suggests that (drunk or sober) we are different then non-alcoholics.  My next-door neighbors may not need to go to meetings regularly but that I am like them has to be smashed.  My mother may not need to work with other alcoholics but that I am like them has to be smashed.  My co-worker may not need to wake up and do forty-five minutes of prayer and meditation but that I am like them has to be smashed.  My cousin may be able to have one drink and not want another one but that I am like him has to be smashed.

The bottom of page 31 contains another one of the tests for discovering whether you are an alcoholic or not when it says, We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.  Step over to the nearest barroom and try some CONTROLLED drinking.  Try to drink and stop abruptly.  Try it more than once.  It will not take long for you to decide, IF you are honest with yourself about it.  It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.  Ive been at meetings where it was said that if you are not sure if you are an alcoholic, why dont you go out there and drink.  I believe this does a disservice to a person who is uncertain.  We need to first give them information about what differentiates an alcoholic from a non-alcoholic so they can see if the experience of an alcoholic matches their own experience.  They need to be told about the first paragraph on page 44 where it says, If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.  In other words, if you cant always predict how much you are going to drink once you start, and when you stop drinking you cant stay stopped even when you really want to, then this is ONLY experienced if you are an alcoholic.  Please note that up until this point, the book has given us about forty pages of information by which the reader can decide if they are an alcoholic.  It is ONLY after all this info that the book then suggests that if youre still not sure if you are an alcoholic, try a test of controlled drinking.  A good way of doing this is two drinks every day for one month, no more and no less (and no skipping days to store up!).  Just suggesting this usually sends fear into the heart of an alcoholic, or if youre a non-alcoholic youll probably think something like, I dont think I could drink all that.  Either way, its a good standard for diagnosing yourself.

-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 15th of April 2010 08:28:48 AM

you say that at the end of the day you have to work through this on your own.

Not really, you can work through this with company and support or work through this on your own. It's your choice. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Hey Jundewia,
Before you go, If you can bring with you that pretty much everyone who responded above has been in your shoes. Congrats on the sober 19 days! We all could not believe that we could not function in society early in our quest for sobriety. We all went out and tried it, and most of us failed. With that failure, we also lived through car accidents, sexual disasters, emotional disasters, etc, you get the picture.
One of the great things about AA is it can always be "a new start". I really hope you are the exception, and that you can function at the clubs and around people drinking at parties and that you can stay sober! If you can't, come on back and let us know. It will help us stay sober and there will not be any "I told you sos"  because, again, we have all been there! 
Good Luck,
Tom

Jundrewia wrote:

---

Well, I guess it is what it is. Thank you for your support these past 19 days. I will be sure to take the experiences and advice you've provided and move forward with things. I'm sure that many will question my motives for signing off this board, but at the end of the day I have to work through this on my own. Good luck everyone and than you again!

---

So you bolt when people disagree with you.  Good luck with that.  We've leave the light on for you. 

 

id doesnt matter

I've heard a lot of recovering people say that if you go back out and drink after finding AA, AA can sure spoil your drinking. I've found that to be true for myself. Once I knew what I knew about the disease from what I learned here, drinking was never the same again.

I absolutely love to dance. In our area, there weren't any places where you could dance except in the clubs. When I'd been sober about a year and a half, I went to a club where I sat at the table where one of my friends in the band sat. As the evening went on, I got involved in the music and went to pick up what I thought was my soft drink but just as I put the glass to my mouth, before I took a sip, I realized it was his drink and had alcohol in it! I put the glass back down and left. I didn't blow my sobriety but that was one mighty close call and I've never gone back to any situation like that.

The disease will kid you and outwit you at every turn. The fact that you're upset with our posts concerns me but it's your life and you've got to live it yourself. We'll still be here when you get back. If you get back. There are no guarantees.