Okay, well here I am at day 3. So far the support I have received both here and at meetings has been absolutely awe inspiring. I never ever expected so much support and it's what keeps me coming back. I swear some days I wish I could just stay at meetings all day. They are so comforting. I always do feel so much better. I even feel physically better this morning. Yesterday I felt awful all day but today I feel more refreshed than I have since, well I don't even know, despite the fitful sleep.
That said, I have 2 challenges today. While the last two meetings I have been to have been helpful, they haven't felt comfortable to me. Yesterday I went to one near home that turned out to be a meeting comprised entirely of gay men. I have no problem at all with people being gay, I just felt very self conscious there being the only woman in the room. Horribly conspicuous and worse, I just couldn't really relate to the things people were saying. Not the end of the world, but just could have something a bit more relatable so early on. Today I went to a meeting some people had recommended called the workshop. Now they HAD warned me that it was "different" and had all different types of people including the homeless sometimes. It sounded a little rowdy for me, but I went anyway because I needed to fit in a meeting this morning since I can't get to one tonight. I know if I miss one I'll find excuses to miss more and it's just downhill from there. I figured the workshop would probably be calm at 7:15AM and it would be a bunch of professionals who were old timers just trying to squeeze in a meeting before work. Boy was I wrong.
There were people who were still drunk from the night before, people who were homeless, people who were clearly mentally unbalanced, a 70 year old woman with a black eye screaming about how people shouldn't judge her for not contributing to the collection box... I was frightened. Mainly because one man kept pacing and then standing right behind me. It made me really nervous. I did talk for the first time today though, since we were sitting in a circle. It was also the first time I said I was an alcoholic out loud. So I was proud of that. Anyhow, just still feeling a little bit rattled. Looking forward to going back to a group that I LOVED tomorrow. So anyhow, feeling a little less boueyed than I had from my first two meetings but onward.
So that was the minor problem. Here is the major problem, and the reason I won't be able to make it to a meeting tonight. My evening has not one but TWO potential disasters. So I have work all day as usual, and then I have to pay a condolence call to a friend. She used to be in AA but then decided it wasn't for her and has basically been on one long bender ever since. I have known her my whole life and am very close to her family. I KNOW there will be TONS of wine there. Fancy stuff. Like $50 a bottle pouilley fuisse and sancerre... Urgh. I am not going to have any. I just keep reminding myself that it's actually rotted fruit, not deliciousness. I am staying for fifteen minutes as I think that's about all I can take. I don't want to tell anyone about AA yet except for the two people I have told. If anyone asks I'm just gonna say I'm on antibiotics. But yeah. Nervous.
Challenge number 2 is that I have a date tonight. Yes yes I know I'm not supposed to date for the first year. This is something I am not willing to accept yet. It's a very long conversation to explain why and my reasoning. Yes I may decide it's too hard, but I want to try. Please don't try to dissuade me from going. Anyhow, I am supposed to meet him at some chi chi downtown bar. Great. So I am going to get oj and seltzer. I was never much of a bar person, so the wine/wake situation is actually more of a situation where I would drink, but yeah. I just feel like it's a lot on my plate for today. I know I can make it through sober. I'm just praying for strength.
the wine wake - can you take an AA friend with you if you really have to go? Why do you really have to go? is it really worth threatening your sobreity for this? If you really must go, take your own drink, never let it out of your hand, go in, pay your respects and get out.
as for the date - well, see above.
Sometimes we have to do things that may leave a bitter taste in our mouht, like NOT going to that event. OK so some people may be upset, that's their business to deal with. But Sobriety MUST come first no matter what, because if we lose our sobriety, we lose everything.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
All meetings are good but the ones you can relate to are better.
It is very wise to be aware of the actions of men towards you in AA. Some are still sick and have motives other than your sobriety in mind. Your gut instincts in this regard are usually accurate. If you instinct about any man says "CAUTION" be sure and follow it.
Hang with the women and you will be OK. Most men are OK also but be wary of the sick ones.
The condolance call
Arrive late and only stay a short time you mentioned 15 minutes
Bring an AA friend if possible
If offered alcohol, tell them that you have developed an allergy to it. Read Dr. Silkworth's opinion in the Big Book and you will find that this is the truth. I have found that if I say I don't want a drink, people try to push one on me. When I say I have a allergy they accept it.
The date
Not recommended but no one in AA will tell you what you must or must not do
If offered a drink I would use the allergy explanation. You can say Dr, Silkworth found out I have an allergy to alcohol as this is an honest answer for us alcoholics.
Hang in there and remember it always gets worse with alcohol and it always get better with out alcohol.
Larry, ---------------------- Go to meetings when you want to, and go to meetings when you don't want to.
-- Edited by Larry_H on Wednesday 14th of April 2010 09:50:26 AM
You are going to miss that meeting you loved so much, where you felt such support and a Part of....to go somewhere where you will feel out of sinc......?
About your date, no one is going to suggest that you do anything that you have made up your mind on... That is a fact here.
But speaking just for me, the very last thing I would ever want to do is go out on a date with a person that was on day 3 of giving up the alcohol.....for a new way of living....but that is just me.
Two meetings where you did not feel comfortable....followed by two events this evening that you will not be completely comfortable with, and MISSing your brand new place where you felt all the love and the seeds of a new life......
A Big Hug to you, please let us know tomorrow how the evening did work out.....please do try to find an AA friend to go that service.....
Thanks everyone for your replies. For toni, no it's probably my brain fog messing it up. Tomorrow is the meeting I am going back to that I really liked. I also really liked my first group last Sunday so I'm going back there too. Probably going to a bunch of meetings over the weekend to keep myself out of trouble. I don't have any AA friends yet... Trying but I'm a little shy. My mom is going to this wake thing tonight. She is very close to this family as well. She is one of the two people I told about AA, and she is incredibly supportive. So I think I'll ask her to come at the same time as me, just to have some form of support, and also so I know I'll have someone with me with their eye on me.
Larry H's post about says it all. Good practical advice, in fact the sort of informal advice that all newcomers (especially women) should have goine to AA.
Re: meetings filled with folks that freak you out, I can totally undertand, have been there before (lol a bit at the woman yelling about the collection box ;) ).
I've been told "if you don't like one meeting, try another". Still works for me.
Thanks. It FEELS like a big deal for some reason. It's a lot for me and even though I am slightly embarrassed that this is something to even be proud of, I still am. Can't wait for that meeting tomorrow and I'll feel VERY satisfied once I get through the stuff today. Just trying to channel all the strength I can. No one is depriving me. I am not even depriving myself. There will always be more opportunities to have alcohol if I choose that tomorrow. Just today I'm not gonna.
Wow, people here are so wise and have such good advice. :)
I just wanted to say, being very new, that it has been all about finding the meetings I feel most comfortable at and going to those. Being a gay man, I find that the gay meetings are really comfy and safe for me, and I go to two or three a week, one being a step meeting. But I go to non-designated (i.e. straight) meetings, too.... and the ones I didn't like had nothing to do with the fact that they aren't "gay", but rather that the vibe or flavor of the place didn't jibe with what I needed or I just didn't feel particularly welcomed.
I'm still exploring lots of different meetings, but the ones that felt like home to me right away are the ones I've been going to regularly... and the ones I look forward to the most.
I wish you the best in getting through this day!
M
__________________
"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
