My alcoholism had now reached it's final destination. I was powerless. Only an alcoholic will know. I cried out to a God that I did not understand. Please get me sober. I will pay any price. He heard the cry of this sick alcoholic child afflicted by an illness he could not do any thing about. He had to send someone who understood.
The day was chosen: 13th April 1988. The agent was chosen: My loving sponsor. The most kind hearted man I ever knew. The meeting: Croftdene AA- My home group. The result: Instant sobriety.
I was not convinced, so I had to go on a 3 month binge and return to AA on 19 Aug 1988. God is merciful to someone like me, sick all round. Despite myself I got well. AA book pg62 says" So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making." When I became convinced of this I stopped blaming others, and sought the power of God to help me to remove self will. That was all that was needed. That Power keeps me sober, that Power gives me all that I need to live this life.
Whenever trouble comes I don't look outside any more. It is always self will. Having practised it for so many years, it has become easy. If someone provokes me I always find that God is still trying to remove my defects of character. Retaliation is self will. Submission brings humility, through humiliation and therefore grace. I have been humiliated more times than I can remember, but it strengthened my character and become a better human being. I have learnt to accept humiliation gracefully. Book says: Not easy, a price has to be paid. I PAID. God bless, Gonee.
