Went to my first AA meeting today. Planning on having my first sober day tomorrow. (Today I was just checking it out, and needed to decide on my own terms when I would start. Didn't think it would be tomorrow, but turns out that's what I want.)
Anyhow, any advice? Warnings about what I should expect? What was it like for you when you first started? I'm terrified. I don't know what to do with my time other than drink. Obviously I will go to meetings, but beyond that and work? I know I used to do things but I'll be damned if I remember what they were or if I feel like I can do them without a drink.
My first meetings were screamfests!! I didn't wanna be there and hated there and them when I was and sooo I quit and took my alcoholic wife with me. I told her she wasn't alcoholic and what the....? I ended up quitting drinking for 9 years in the Al-Anon Family Groups before finally (surprise surprise!!) taking my very own assessment and getting told that "...if the person who belonged to this assessment drank again they would die (short version)". I didn't know when the next one was coming so I added AA and was just as afraid as you are even after knowing everyone in the room. My alcoholic wife? went back out and wouldn't get sober for years later. Almost lost her life during the relapse.
Fear is the core emotion in our disease so I was being normal and normal still when I sat in the corner in the dark and almost never identified myself as alcoholic. Being the loving group they were they stopped the meeting until I identified and then we went on. Don't let anyone or anything stop you from at least your first 90 days so that you can decide am I or am I not? While there do as many meetings as you can in 90 days...get the literature...learn the steps, traditions and slogans...start getting a handle on a Higher Power greater than Whitewineoh and what Whitewineoh drinks and the biggie...don't drink at all or think too much. Let the rooms inform you of what you don't know yet. After 90 days sit down with another drunk and tell them your story and ask them "so whadda you think?"
Lots of other suggestions following. Read em all.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 11th of April 2010 09:46:21 PM
Alcoholics Anonymous consists of 3 parts, The meetings, The Fellowship (the people), and the program of action in the first 164 pages
So my suggestion would be to use all 3
This is a program of action so:
Do 90meetings in 90 days (90 in 90) get a sponsor (same sex that has also worked the steps out of the book with a sponsor) do the steps get phone numbers call those phone numbers start reaching out and helping those behind you as soon as you can, at 3 days look for the guy with one day, at a week look for the guy with 3 days
These are like spokes in a bicycle, if you use all of them your sobriety has a good chance of running true, leave any out and it's likely your sobriety, if any, will be precarious at best
Welcome, I look forward to hearing what Day one was like tomorrow, do those things and you never have to drink again
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Welcome!! I am completing Day15, so I'm fairly new at this too. I've been through a few things.
I didn't realize how "obsessed" I am with drinking. Especially the first few days I couldn't stop thinking about my sobriety. Going to meetings and listening to other people helped (and still does). It has gotten easier, but I find that I still have weak moments when I start to rationalize my drinking and try to convince myself that it will be different. These moments are an opportunity to revisit why I chose to get sober and stay that way.
You can also expect a welcoming and caring group of people in others who are in AA. I can't get over how supportive and encouraging complete strangers can be. Take advantage of all the support. As AGO said, you can give back as you progress in your sobriety to newbies.
Lastly, you can expect clarity. Clarity when you wake up without a horrible hangover, clarity as you go about your day, and clarity as you go to sleep on your own accord, not passing out.
Good luck and enjoy your first day! Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing.
First of all congratulations on your decision. First timers give people like me purpose to carry on in AA or else I will surely die. Please come. Just come in. I am waiting for you. You also give me an opportunity to say thank you and continue to remain sober. You are a very important person in my life. Thank you and God bless. Gonee.
The most important thing I had to do from the very start was don't drink for 24 hours and renew this every day. Keep coming back to meetings 90 in 90 days is a minimum suggestion. I did a lot more.
As soon as possible follow the suggestions in AGO's posting.
Welcome,
Larry, ------------------- "I am the black sheep of the family. I came to Alcoholics Anonymous and found the rest of the herd."
-- Edited by Larry_H on Monday 12th of April 2010 09:27:10 AM
Others have posted good stuff on what actions to take, so I'll add what I heard a few days ago, don't wait to get well to do the steps, so the steps to get well. save yourself some time.
also try to be open minded - I made the mistake of condemnation before investigation.
as for the boredom - yep, I know, all I could think to do was drink and fear of the consequences, plus arrogance kept me dry for a few week, but fellowship, meetings and steps kept me sober.
So if you are faced with doing something or taking a drink, go do something. I reckon us in the fellowship have probably got the neatest gardens, the cleanest cars, the most organised cupboards, the most spotless kitchen floors in the world.
No seriously,if you are teetering on a drink, go clean the toilet or the bathroom or the kitchen floor, or the front step, or do some weeding, or clear a drain and if you've done all yours, go do your neighbour's, your brother's, your Mum's, do a bit for someone else, anything that get's you on your knees, 'cos while you're down there you might as well chant the serenity prayer and any other prayer that comes to mind.
Oh and ring another alcoholic every day, just to pass the time of day if nuthin' else.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Thanks so much for replying. It's weird, but I am kind of struggling a bit already. This would be expected, except that it's a workday, I'm at my desk as usual. I never drank on weekdays before around 7pm when I got home, but I'm already jumping out of my skin. I know I'm just psyching myself out. I've been having panic attacks on and off today since this morning. Oh what fun. Going straight from work to a meeting and then to my mom's house for dinner.
How soon do you start working the steps. I don't really understand how. I haven't started the big book yet, I want to get my dad's old one from my mom. Does it explain it in there? I have been reading a bit of Living Sober, and like it so far.
A woman I met yesterday was kind enough to give me her number and take mine. She took me out for coffee and called me last night and said she's going to again today. I like her a lot and think maybe she could be my sponsor, but I feel like maybe it's too soon to be thinking about that stuff?
Trying to do the 90 in 90. I like your idea about helping people as soon as possible. It's funny but my first day there was a guy there with three days and I still felt he was light years ahead of me. Probably because I can't remember the last time I was sober for three days straight.
Your anxiety about going to this new meeting is how we all walked in, well I sure did.
All the above suggestions are just how the Program works,
And I think I see you worrying about the Steps, and how to work them. Nothing at all to worry about, as you are right now smack in the middle of the First Step.
"We were powerless over Alcohol, and our lives have become unmanageable" two part step, but feel you are right there doing both halves.
Yeah I remember early sobriety I'd think about drinking at like 8am???
WTF???
I didn't drink at 8AM at work when I drank, why would I want a drink now?
Yes, the Big Book explains everything, and it's never too early to get a sponsor and work the steps, in our early days we frequently would work the steps in the first 3 or 4 days, call that woman and ask her for help.
Ask her if she worked the steps exactly out of the big book with a sponsor, if she has, ask her to help you get started
A great place to start yourself as well is buy a book tonight and read the first 60 pages carefully.
It explains the problem (the obsession of the mind along with an allergy of the body) that sets us apart from normal or "hard" drinkers, and outlines "The Solution" (a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism) without which there is very little hope for recovering for a "real" alcoholic.
If you find yourself identifying with the descriptions in the Doctors opinion, Bill's story, and nodding your head reading "More About Alcoholism" we can help.
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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I think "Living Sober" is great reading material for the early days. Stay focused(works if this is your total priority and life depends on it, which it does if you are alcoholic) and get to the Big Book of AA as soon as you can. The panicked feelings are very normal. It will pass. Ditto on encouragement of search for sponsor (same sex).
