Lonely.

runnergirl · Senior Member

Lonely.

AGO · MIP Old Timer

please keep coming back

please keep going to meetings

we care, all of us, here there, you don't have to do this alone

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey RG,
Lets make this the last one. I've been there! Keep it simple! Stay away from temptation as much as possible and find something in life you like more than drinking! Pray for help from your HP and work on the relationship with your HP!
Prayers,
Tom

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Keep going to meetings. We have a saying "BRING THE BODY AND THE MIND WILL FOLLOW"

You are among friends who really care about you. Not the BS drinking buddies give you but real love and caring.

Sounds like you may be at the point I was when I quit.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was feeling guilty about my behavior.
and I came to the realization that I am an Alcoholic. That was the beginning of a new life for me. It can be your new beginning also.

Larry,
------------------
"We'll love you until you learn to love yourself."

Sid · Senior Member

I agree. Do everything you can to get to meetings. I've only been going a short time, but am already seeing improvement in my feelings of loneliness and how I feel about myself.

The support of AA and the people here has been overwhelming.

You're done for good this time runnergirl, I'm confident.

I am an alcoholic too.

-- Edited by Sid on Wednesday 7th of April 2010 08:52:31 PM

Jundrewia · Veteran Member

RG, hang in there! Keep coming back. If you feel tempted go to a meeting, come here, talk to someone. You can always send me a private message. I'm here for you.
Jennifer

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Lauri,

keep trying, it'll work sooner or later. You've still me beat if you make it anytime within the next 18 months lol. "It's a process, not an event", "It takes what it takes", and "I took every last drink for me to get sober".

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Hi Laurie,

I'm glad that you posted. It's pretty normal feeling as you do right now. Every relapse I had served a purpose. Extremely painful, yes. It will get better though. Of that I am sure. Just give yourself a chance and keep at it.
Your friend,
Justin

runnergirl · Senior Member

Thanks for the kind responses. I'm struggling with what to tell my husband... Do I need to fess up to crap now? That would NOT be good, but might help him see how bad the problem is. I do not want to risk our relationship and do not want to hurt him. I'm sure he'd want me to do treatment, but I'm not sure about. The lies are like toxins in my heart.

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

I know the lies I told people when I relapsed fueled my use.
Would treatment be that bad?
What is your sponsor telling you?
Can you stay sober just for today?

I would say pray about it and consider your options in the morning over some coffee with a clear head.

I shall say a prayer for you too.

Reffner · Senior Member

"Many of us do recover if we have the capacity to be honest". If you want sobriety more than anything else for YOURSELF, and are willing to go to any length to get it, then I believe you can answer your own question about "fessing up". What it's all about is being honest with ourselves. It took me 5 years in and out of AA, 2 trips to rehab, and a pretty low bottom (including 3 very real suicide attempts) before the light bulb finally turned on for me. Don't give up until the miracle happens, and don't get down on yourself for doing what alcoholics do...we drink. We have a disease that makes us drink, but ONLY if we take that first one. Keep hanging in there, because you can't even imagine how much better life really does get. I'll keep you in my prayers!

God bless... Brian

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

*Never Alone Again*

Runnergirl, the 4 drunks I had before I realised I would have to get real with this program I call the pillars of my sobriety. Some of us stop as soon as we get to the rooms, some of us slip back out the door. The blessed ones stay & get sober as soon as they take this serious. I've seen it so many times & I didn't know I was going to take those drinks & I didn't know I was going to stay sober for sure. It's 1Day@aTime & a full immersion into this new way that helps me to stay sober today.

I know it will work for you too if you want it to :) Godbless & don't be lonely. It's that alcoholic illusion that resided in the heart of us until like another illusion (that we can drink like other men) it got smashed! I am not alone today. Neither are you. Neither are any of us. My Higher Power is in my heart today where all that void & worry was before. It will get better when we're doing as suggested.. It's promised ;) Godbless, Danielle x

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

So runner what is it about you that is so unloveable? HP still loving you
unconditionally? If you're finding reasons not to self love you're on the
merry-go-round...get off. Get to the meetings, learn what we have to
arrest your drinking and accept yourself unconditionally like HP does and
everyone else in the room. In support. smile

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

runnergirl wrote:

Thanks for the kind responses. I'm struggling with what to tell my husband... Do I need to fess up to crap now? That would NOT be good, but might help him see how bad the problem is. I do not want to risk our relationship and do not want to hurt him. I'm sure he'd want me to do treatment, but I'm not sure about. The lies are like toxins in my heart.

RG, the answer is yes, you need to come clean with your husband. It is about accountability, more with ourselves but it's the secrets that make us sick enough to have to drink over them.

I'll throw this out, maybe you're subconsciously trying to sabotage your marriage because deep down you're not happy in it, or your abandonment fears are causing you to perpetuated it. You're actions indicate that and sometimes our actions tell us what we do and do not want. I know that this was true for me, and I wound up separating from my now x-wife for good so that I could get sober. It was a dysfunctional relationship and I'm glad to be out of it now. I'm not saying yours is or that's what you need to do. I'm really trying to stir up some urgency on your part to make a better effort at getting sober. What are the things that you're Not doing in your program to stay sober? Sooner or later people in our lives will give up on us and many of us can't get sober until there is no one left but us and perhaps a park bench till, as Refner said, "The light bulb comes on". The clock is ticking, how bad do you want it, and your marriage?

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 8th of April 2010 05:33:17 AM

AGO · MIP Old Timer

We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

What are these old ideas we have to let go of?

The idea we can do this alone.

The Idea we can get sober by taking more physical exercise or just by attending a few meetings

The idea we can do this by will power

What we have learned about alcoholism is it's an obsession of the mind coupled with an allergy of the body. The obsession will ALWAYS eventually win against "will power" because the obsession convinces us that we WANT to drink. Thus will power becomes a liability, because at that point it turns against us and we use it to get alcohol.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history.

There is a solution.

Many of us found we needed the physic change brought about by the steps along with attending meetings.

Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

Alcoholics Anonymous is 2 separate entities, one is the fellowship and one is the program of action laid out in that book, for those of us that were real alcoholics and gone beyond human aid we needed both to recover.

As everyone here has said, all of us have the capacity to get sober provided we are honest with ourselves and we take certain steps.

If we continue reading what everyone is quoting from, it says some important things:

Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us

Half measures availed us nothing.

Here are the steps we took

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job wife or no wife we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myself and millions of others including everyone here extending that hand of love found help in the rooms of AA, it's there for you too. We aren't marriage counselors or psychiatrists and we may or may not be able to help you with your marriage but one thing we can promise is if you work this simple program and follow the suggestions you never have to drink again. We can probably also say with some assurance, like Dean said, whatever we do it is a lot more simple if we remove alcohol from the equation. As in if you stay with your husband, as in he doesn't leave you because of your drinking, it will be a LOT better if you don't drink.

For many of us we had to learn without sobriety we didn't get to have any relationships because we didn't have the capacity to do anything but ruin them

I pray you don't take it that far.

-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 8th of April 2010 06:34:18 AM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Excellent post AGO, one line that is missing from the last bold type in your post. "We stood at the turning point"

"Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon." Then we were eady to take Certain Steps.

RG, "Half measures availed Us nothing", means half a program of suggestions will lead to more drinking.

"We stood at the turning point", means we weren't ready to give ourselves fully to this simple program.

"We asked for his protection and care with Complete Abandon", means we put our ego aside (and the thoughts that we still had some personal power in this mater of not drinking), got humble and asked the God of our understanding, to help us to get sober.

I had heard, over the 2 years that I floundered, that people had successfully prayed that God would remove the obsession to drink. I did this every day, during my morning get on my knees prayers, to have the God of my understanding remove the obsession to drink (and drug) for 6 months and they've been gone every since. Coincidentally I finished my 4th and 5th steps, with a Catholic priest (think of a confession that lasted for 2 hours on two consecutive nights) who was in the program, right at 6 months also. I figured that I was a "hard case" and that I needed all the help that I could get after failing for 2 years at this.

Getting sober and staying sober (along with recovering in a lot of other ways) became my new obsession (Think running here RG, yea it's that important) and I spent all day every day figuring out how to make my recovery program stronger. I didn't miss a daily AA meeting, for the first 3.5 years, even in foreign countries I attended AA meetings spoken in languages that I didn't understand. I didn't need to, I knew what they were saying because I understood the language of the heart. In Costa Rica, I was asked to speak and they gave me an interpreter. It was an amazing experience, but I digress. Get busy RG you life depends on it.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 8th of April 2010 06:32:50 AM

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Laurie,

Please...work the program. I have a feeling that your husband will respect your dedication & discipline to a solid program of recovery.
You are not alone. Your addiction is not unique and if you choose to work the program; it is not yours alone to bear.
The phone weighs a lot less than a bottle of wine.
Prayer weighs nothing, yet it can carry the weight of burdens you can't carry alone.

Peace,
Rob

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi RG,

Agree with all responses. About feeling lonely after a meeting, have you tried some deep meditations. They can reaffirm just the oneness of self. and be ok with it.

As far as you beating Dean of the slipping and sliding, you have me beat my over 7 years.....You are working your ass off at getting this....I believe that....it will happen Laurie.

Hugs Sissy,

Toni

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Hi RG,
I am new to this forum, but my heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. The AA book says:
"That God could and would if He were sought." That tells me that God has the capacity to do, what I on my unaided will find impossible to do. And not only that, but also that He wants to do it for me even more than I actually want it. My part is to seek Him. It has nothing to do with the way I feel. In my feeblest of moments, I found what looked like a flimsy reed, was actually the hand of God. I have learned to trust Him more and more each day. God bless. I will keep you in my prayer.
Gonee.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey RG,
You might consider also getting your husband in contact with alanon. He could understand this disease we share better and understand where you are at and where you are going.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Drinking screwed up my life so bad. My life is way better without alcohol and that is now a proven fact. Recovery has been challenging, but so rewarding. I never want to set myself backwards by taking a drink...no matter what happens. I just keep that motto...don't drink no matter what. It has to be that simple for me. Don't drink no matter what. The more days and more times I do this, miracles do happen but not in the way I expect them. All the sudden I become able to be part of the human race more than ever before. I become able to handle life and truly enjoy it. This is what staying sober has done for me in just a year and a half....so don't give up!

Mark

ljc · MIP Old Timer

Why does hubby need to know/see how bad the situation is ?

Only you and God know how bad it is and only You and God will know when you are willing to do anything to stay sober.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

It does occur to me that you are playing with fire here. Yes, we understand the relapse and welcome you back...but on the other hand, gotta warn you that it seems you want a lower and lower bottom until you are absolutely convinced you cannot safely drink without your life becoming a pile of crap. Is that what you are working towards? Is that really what you want to have to have happen to stop drinking?

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

I was told that a failure to be honest, especially about a relapse has a way of coming back to bite people. He may not react the way you want. Make your sobriety your priority and work it out with sponsor's guidance. Love and support, Angela

runnergirl · Senior Member

Wow. Thanks for the input everyone. My husband and I talked last night after I told him I was thinking about outpatient. He asked if I was hiding anything else and I told him. I couldn't not tell him... he is a wonderful person and does not deserve to be lied to. Anyway, something Mark wrote really hit. It's about looking for a lower bottom to convince myself that I have a problem. I don't want to lose what I have. I don't want to hurt anyone... not even myself. Anyway, I've made a couple of calls about outpatient and will talk with someone today. I know there are a lot of people who want to help. I just have to accept it. Thanks again.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

That's a good decision RG. You'll learn a lot more quickly and hopefully you'll be compelled to look deeper inside to see what makes RG soooo uncomfortable with RG that she Has to medicate herself on a daily basis, just to feel normal. Getting sober is learning how to live, think, process life and ourselves in it, in a way that we are content with, without mood altering substances and events. Likely you'll learn that perfectionism and the thought that, as a human, you can never be perfect is what drives the discomfort. And usually it stems from a rigid parent with continually elevating expectations. I came to grips with that when I noticed how I felt about my own accomplishments. When someone else achieved them it was great and something to be in awe about. When I reached those same accomplishments, it felt like a cheap trick, like I cheated and didn't deserve to have or be that which I honestly worked hard to earn. John Bradshaw calls this "being shame based". more later.
Get busy with it, if you're not moving forward you're sliding back.

Sid · Senior Member

I'm happy to hear you taking the steps you are runnergirl. I know for myself being early in my recovery that these can be some tough times. But I also realize, like you have, that I don't have to do this alone. These days will someday be in the past and I want to look back on them feeling greatful I did what was necessary to live a better sober life. Keep coming back, we can all do this together.