Ive done many things i regret doing....things that still to this day are haunting me.
I feel as though these things/people will never go away :( I find that now that i'm out of rehab my same problems are still out there...........I use to find solace in the serenity prayer, but its not working like it use to....any tips/advice will help
Aloha Ann!! Put it in a box marked "later" cause you've got more pressing things to do for the moment as in getting into the program and getting a sponsor who can hold a light up in front of your feet with a map of "the" journey inside of that light also. I understand what you are saying clearly. I know your avatar intimately and it doesn't figure in my life today. My old life is ended. It was ended when I got here and learned a different way of living a life worth having. That you stay sober and survive your past will someday save another alcoholic's life.
Put it in a box marked "later" and come join us in sobriety. You will know when and how to open the box at a future time and you will not be alone when you do. There is absolutely no consequence so bad that cannot be made infinitely worse with alcohol. There is no justification to do so.
Your regrets go away as the result of working the AA steps, but it takes time.
Only you can answer these questions. I do not need to know your answers but you do.
1. The program works better if you are not drinking, are you?
2. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days, Are you attending that many.
3. We recommend buying a Big Book and studying it. Do you have one and are you reading it?
4. We recommend getting a sponsor with some sobriety the same sex who has done the steps. Do you have one?
5. We recommend finding and prayer to a Higher Power of your understanding. Do you have one? If not you can borrow mine.
6. We recommend obtaining phone numbers of sober AA members. Have you got phone numbers?
7. We recommend actually using these numbers and calling AA people. Having the numbers does not do much good unless you use them. Are you calling people on a daily basis?
This is a very good beginning, If you follow these suggestions under the guidance of a sponsor you will in time arrive at the 9th step which states "WE WILL NOT REGRET THE PAST NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT".
It happened for me and it can happen for you if you really want it and are willing to go to any lengths. Only you can decide your answer. If yes you will be amazed at the help that we AA people are willing to give freely to you.
Larry, --------------------------------- Don't leave before the miracle happens
An old AA saying: One foot in Yesterday and one foot in tomorrow allows you to piss all over today.
Early on, my Sponsor told me; "You HAVE to do two things today; stay the f**k away from that first drink, and stay breathing. Everything else is Dumb Sh*t...and f**k the Dumb Sh*t."
What he meant was that it didn't matter if I was homeless, divorced, unemployed, crippled or up to my a$$ in alligators...STAY ALIVE and DON'T DRINK!!!
You remind me a lot of me when I first sobered up...except that I did what I was told and now I'm happy, joyous & free...today.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Wednesday 7th of April 2010 05:06:41 PM
Try to get silent in your mind, and try the Serenity Prayer, breathing in and out to it.....try to let it sink in like a glass of water on a dry desolate wilderness.....
If something is upsetting you that you are thinking about, stop thinking about it.....
Larry laid out the How it does work, if we want it bad enough, and you are just getting out of rehab. I can see where all that support was and now you feel very alone......A Ton of meetings......will Change that....Guaranteed!!!.....dont spend too much time by yourself right now if you can get out and hopefully you do have a schedule of meetings. hope so, that is where you will find all that support that you just left behind.
As Jerry said, put those thoughts away for now and try if you can to follow the outline of just what Larry put down in writing.
We all came in feeling very raw, you just pulled off the biggest bandage of your life, and we all have experienced that, so you are not alone.....Alcohol is but a Symptom......
You have been asked, and I sure hope the answer is NO to your drinking.
Go where Safety is, and that would be in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and listen, and you will actually be able to feel the "safety net" when you are there just listening.
Pray that you go today, get some phone numbers and use them.
As AQ said, if you just dont drink, and keep breathing, all will be ok, and in a short time way way better than just ok. If one of those thoughts come to the surface, replace with a "GOT TO GET A SPONSOR" current thought, April 7th, 2010.
Hugs to you sweet new friend.
Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 7th of April 2010 06:02:46 PM
When I first got sober, my mind would go ninety miles an hour with all that stuff. I couldn't sleep because my mind just kept going and going and going like the Energizer bunny. What I found helped was to put on some real soft, mellow music before I went to sleep and then I'd concentrate on just following the music till I fell asleep instead of listening to my head.
I also found it helpful to shred that Serenity Prayer (not literally)----and boy did I ever! I'd even sometimes sit and write things down. I'd have one list for "things I can change" and "things I can't change" because I was in such a sorry state that that's what it took for me to make it work for me. I couldn't just sort it out without doing that.
For instance, under the "things I can change" column, I'd put "myself" and then under "things I can't change" I'd write "other people" or a certain specific person's name or if it was a past happening, I'd write that down there. It really did help, believe it or not. Of course, I had a ton of stuff in my past that was embarrassing, tragic, scary, and downright shameful. I had to put those to rest for awhile, too, by reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was the alcoholic wreckage I had in my past and it wasn't going to be put back together in a day, either. It had to be done one day at a time and I just had to do the best I could each day, trusting my Higher Power and the people in AA that that really would help things get better.
Do the best you can, not taking a drink and going to meetings, one day at a time. It really does get better! If you let the past overwhelm you, that will just lead you back to drinking again.
-- Edited by Ellen E on Wednesday 7th of April 2010 11:44:26 PM
I was told its ok to look over your shoulder but don't stare.. Makes sence to me. The hauntings will fade after the understanding of step 4. At least for me!
It takes a while to stop living in drama and fake reality....alcohol is a depressant so it's going to take time for you to see that nothing you did and none of the people from your past really affect you now as much as you think. When you do a 4th step and/or start sharing about some of this baggage you carry around, you will find that your peers in AA have done all the same things you have and you are not so unique. You are not the worst of the worst because we have ALL done things we aren't proud of. It's not worth ruining each day over. Give it to god. It happened, you can't change it, but you can change how you feel about it and what you do today!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
i had a lot of baggage from my drinking days, really icky things i was ashamed of so much. i was lucky i had a sponsor and also a counsellor who i did step 4 and 5 with those two people. i told my sponsor drinking related stuff but also i had very private baggage i neededto tell a counsellor which took a long time to be said and that is still ongoing really the counsellor is for more outside issues not so much drinking.
but really when i had done that, told my sponsor and also counsellor about all my ick stuff i felt i was no longer a piece of crap on the floor but i was just a human.
i could feel human because my sponsor did not react to anything i told her, she just saw it as all normal alki behaviour. and it was pretty horrible stuff. but she didnt act like i was a freak or bad and wow it was a weight off my shoulders! if i had not have done those steps i would have drunk again just to try shut up the guilt and shame. that saying that goes something along the lines of ....if you have done it, someone else has too... . seriously, truly you are not alone and not alone in any behaviours from the past. we have all (speak for myself sorry) i have done some prety bad stuff, and yes it did haunt me to start with but the program helped me see i am not bad just sick and trying to get well, nothing is that bad that drinking makes better, drinking on this stuff will only make us feel worse.
i agree, get to meetings get in the program as much as possible, a sponsor helps. if you got outside problems like i did (i had childhood issues i needed to heal from) then outside help is good too. but get to meetings and talk to people. we have all been through stuff u are not alone or worse than anyone!
have you got a sponsor? it helped me so much doing those dang steps saved me i am sure, because i had SO much guilt about somethings, terrible guilt and shame and i was walking about feeling i was the worse of the worst totally rotten person. but i got to find out i wasnt and the shame and guilt was lifted. seriously just sharing honestly in those steps lifted all that shame off me so much, it was like all this shame was taken off me and for the first time in a very long time i felt i was an equal a human and not a something gross.
take care u are not alone and have not done anything unique or done stuff that no one else have ever done.
-- Edited by slugcat on Friday 9th of April 2010 11:20:29 AM
I know people in the program that have manslaughter charges due to car accidents from drunk driving...if they can get on with life, forgive themselves, be useful to society and help others now, so can I....
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I know people in the program that have manslaughter charges due to car accidents from drunk driving...if they can get on with life, forgive themselves, be useful to society and help others now, so can I....
"that part.
Thanks pink chip u really know how to lift a girl up.
