Happiness...are you continuing to drink over it an other let downs or are you dry? Maybe sobriety Sister see's your condition as a threat to her condition. I don't let anyone's attitude or condition put weight on my sobrieity. My choices are Sobriety, insanity or death. I've done 1 for a long time; 2 for a bit longer and 3 I've had near misses with several times. I'm staying with 1....come join us.
I was told in AA that "What other people think of you is none of your business."
This helped me a lot in the early days because during my drinking I was borderline paranoid. If I saw two people talking, I was sure they were talking about me, If someone did not call me I was sure that they were angry with me. If someone did not immediatly greet me in a room, I was sure that they did not like me. This list could go on and on.
You know what? All of the things I thought I was sure about I was wrong. Today I know that I do not know what other people think. I have a hard enough time finding out what I think.
First of all you do not know what Sobriety Sister's thoughts or motives are. Secondly if and that's a big if she is upset with you, she has a problem not you. You will find this out in the 10th step.
Don't allow other people to live in your head rent free.
Larry, ------------------------------------- "My mind is out to get me."
Larry has a good point about her feeling her sobriety might be in jeopardy if she hangs out with you. Maybe that's the case. We don't know. I'm sure you'll agree that stopping drinking is very difficult to do. I found that in order to stay sober myself, I had to stop hanging out with people who were drinking and had to start spending time with people who had the common goal of staying sober instead.
Also, when we get sober, our lives become busy and full and maybe she just hasn't had the time to get back to you yet. It may not be that she's refusing to talk to you at all. I was like Larry and thought everything was about me when I was still drinking. If someone didn't return my calls, they hated me. If they hung out with someone else, I wasn't important to them anymore. If they did an activity and didn't do it with me, I thought they were no longer my friends and were talking about me.
I've heard it said that "we carry the message, we don't carry the mess" and what that means is that if we try to help someone else stay sober, we can't carry on with them if they aren't truly seeking sobriety and doing the things they need to do to help themselves. It can get us drunk and it won't get them sober. We can't drag someone else into sobriety, you see. There are many others who truly do want to try to be sober, so we have to use our energies sharing with them.
This doesn't mean we don't care for you and all the others who are still suffering and haven't found the solution. We care very much about you. When you're ready to try sobriety again, there are millions of us all over the world no matter where you may be who will give you a hand as long as you're headed in the same direction we are. You have to want it enough to cork the bottle and work at it like we did, though.
I won't snub or quit associating with another person who has relapsed or gone back out. I'll speak & talk to them at meetings, on the phone, etc. But, I tend not to hang out with them like going to movies, dinner, etc. Not until they get back on track with the program.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Rheinhold Niebuhr
I am quite pleased if someone turns their back on me, it means they no longer live in fear that if they turn their back on me, they'll get a big knife stuck in it!!! Seriously, though, I am qute lucky - no VERY lucky that after a good few years of 'sobriety' albeit many time precarious sobriety, the only ones who turned their backs I am quite happy to say don't figure in my life anymore, anyone who does that isn't really worth the effort even TRYING to convince I want them to like me.
As one door closes another swings wide open, I have so many true blue new friends I have never missed the old 'Friends' who turned away, and for that I am eternally grateful.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Some very good responses. If I may add my two cents. When someone turns their back on me for any reason, real or imagined, it is an opportunity for me to grow. I was always a people pleaser. Now I'm learning to be a God-pleaser. God will never turn His back on you. He will always provide that friend that accepts you as long as you are working on pleasing God. If you've relapsed, jump back in the program,and there will be people there to help you find your way back. Some of the loneliest people are sober. It's not just about length of sobriety. Quality is just as important. People lose their way SOBER! People lose friends SOBER! Reliance on God will build you up for when people let you down.
What's with the suicidal screen name anyhow? If you are that negative in real life, I would find it hard to deal with. I got a reputation for being a negative nancy in AA and complained plenty in the beginning but I knew it was doing good things for me always...
My suggestion is to recognize these negative thoughts and challenge them. God does not want you to be miserable. There is a plan and it doesn't involve you drinking or any warm guns...so stop trying to take your will back.
I know a response like this would have driven me nuts in the beginning, but it was stuff like this that got me to change. With love and support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
What's with the suicidal screen name anyhow? If you are that negative in real life, I would find it hard to deal with. I got a reputation for being a negative nancy in AA and complained plenty in the beginning but I knew it was doing good things for me always...
Mark
happiness is a warm gun is my fave beatles tune <3 but i see your point & thank you for ur advice...it totally applies.
What's with the suicidal screen name anyhow? If you are that negative in real life, I would find it hard to deal with. I got a reputation for being a negative nancy in AA and complained plenty in the beginning but I knew it was doing good things for me always...
Mark
happiness is a warm gun is my fave beatles tune <3 but i see your point & thank you for ur advice...it totally applies.
