Tomorrow I leave for my trip. I will be seeing my very best friends. They are the ones who bailed me out of jail when I got my drunk driving. My husband was out of town. They are our family. Yes, they do drink, but not like me. They have the shut off button. They will love me even if I do not drink anymore. We are that close. They had to move because of the economy and my husband and I miss them terribly.
I am wondering what it will be like with some other friends when I quit. I wonder if we will still hang out. I will not be able to be around people who are drinking for a while, I clearly know that. I will just be pissy. That is how I am.
I called the local counseling place and they do not take my insurance. My insurance will pay half of substance abuse counseling. It is $80/session. I called Catholic Human Services, but they must have been closed. I left a message that I wanted to make an appointment and my number, but they never called back. :( I know they take my insurance because I had to go after my drunk driving for legal purposes. Of course I lied about my problem then. They probably could see right through me though.
My feelings are all over the place now that the day is growing closer. I will do it though. My husband even said that I have strong willpower.
I talked to my husband about going to meetings in town and he thinks it is a great idea. He said who cares.....wear this like a badge of honor. You have admitted to having a problem and are doing something about it.
I probably won't get on here until I get back. When I do get back I want to check in daily. I am in a runner's check in and that helps me stay on track with my workouts. I think it will help me, actually, I know it will.
Hope all are doing ok. I will be back. I think I will read some of the Big Book online from my phone on my layover tomorrow.
You know, I'm just forever grateful that AA doesn't charge anyone anything. If I had had to rely on a counselor of any kind, I'd be dead right now.
My AA family goes with me wherever I go. There's AA all over the world. I've even heard world travelers say that even meetings he went to in foreign countries where he didn't understand a word they were saying still gave him that sense of being where he should be and that they did him just about as much good as if he did understand the language.
I had a huge strong willpower. I just didn't have any "won't power" when it came time to refuse a drink. :)
I suggest that you get a Big Book and take it with you. Mine goes wherever I go. Then when I'm needing a meeting and can't get to one, I go to the back of the book and read some of the stories there. It's just about like a meeting for me. I read some in all of the book, in fact. When I get up---before I go to sleep---it's a great help. And if you've got your phone you can access it online, that's great too. The Big Book itself doesn't have to be plugged into the wall if the power runs out, though. LOL You can get a little paperback version for about $6, I think. And a really tiny one without the stories in the back for about $4. The paperbacks don't have anything printed on them that anyone else can see so you can be pretty anonymous reading them without people around you even knowing what you're reading.
I like that idea of accessing the Big Book with your phone. Imagine that! You could even be sitting at dinner somewhere and if you felt kind of weak, you could tell folks "Just a second, I need to check some messages" and then access the Big Book right from wherever you are. Just be sure to keep your phone charged up!
Have fun on your trip. My prayers will go with you.
About those other friends and wondering whether you'll still hang out. A lot of my drinking friends started avoiding me and didn't want to hang out anymore when I quit and admitted I was an alcoholic but it all worked out okay because the new friends I made in meetings more than made up for it. I learned that the drinking friends and I really had only had drinking in common, mostly, anyway.
Well, I am getting ready for my trip and tried to get on the Big Book online via my BlackBerry and the page won't load. :( I will try again later. We live in the woods and the connection isn't always so good.
I do have something though. I have this little book and the title is Day by Day. My husband reached out to one of our friends because his wife was also an alcoholic (she died this past summer due to lung cancer ). He gave it to me and there is a passage to read to help you stay sober everyday. It is kind of wierd, she starred some of the passages. I will take it with me.
Great ideas EllenE for using my phone! Hopefully I can get it to work, otherwise I have the means to just purchase the book.
It sucks that going to counseling is so expensive. Once I quit spending all my money on alcohol though, maybe it is possible. I had to get a new car this week because the head gasket blew on my 2000 Subaru wagon. It only had 154,000 miles on it. After doing some research, I found out that this is a typical problem for this year and model. Dang it!!! I have a beautiful new car and a car payment. I spend probably $80-100 on beer every week. That is $400/month. This new car payment will be easily managed when I am done in just one week. I just keep thinking about the positive things.
I will do whatever it takes to be sober. I can call my best friends in MT, I can call my friend who has been in the same situation, I can go to AA, I can call the help line, I will check in here everyday. I will be sober.
Thanks for the insight about friends. It will be different. There will be no drinking at my house. I am willing to give them up if I have to.
You can call your friends in MT but you can also call AA anywhere you go, also, and that puts you in touch with someone who will understand you better than anyone else can at this time in your life. Don't forget to put the AA number into your cell phone, too.
). He gave it to me and there is a passage to read to help you stay sober everyday. It is kind of wierd, she starred some of the passages. I will take it with me.