This is all so new to me, not the drinking, the talking about it. I'm 37 and an alcoholic. I'm married with five children, ranging from 11 to 3 years old. I grew up in a very small and rural Kentucky town. As a boy there wasn't much to do to there, you either played football or basketball. Me and my freinds made our own things to do, and it always had alcohol involved, always. We invented and perfected drinking games. We threw big parties wherever and whenever we could. My buddies had parents that included Judges, Lawyers and Politicians, we were able to do and get away with almost anything.
Some moved on to college immediately after high school, some of us stuck around to go to the local community college. By '92 we had all left and were going to the big state school. One by one as the years past, my freinds began to graduate. They started careers, some local, some moved. A couple of us dropped out, and I kept on drinking and what we used to call, "runnin'". When I was 21 I began selling cars. I don't know what car salesmen are like wherever you are, but where I was, we ran HARD.
By the time I was 24 I married my high school sweatheart. At 26 we had our first child, a son. I quit selling cars because I knew I could not lead that life and be a father and husband. I began a career in retail. It was at the point I knew I had wasted nine years of my life. I saw my freinds in, or beginning successful careers. Looking back I guess a severe depression set in and I was obsessed with thinking about what I had done. My wife received her undergraduate degree and was accepted into a four year proffesional degree program. To pay for it I took a second job, and most of my time was spent working 70 hours a week. The rest of the time spent drinking.
When my wife graduated with a DR. now in front her name, and we relocated to new area. I was now a stay at home dad with our then 3 children, we added 2 more. I think that's when it really happened, and mind you I had predicted it would happen. After 8 years of her college and no real way to pay for it all, we were broke and up to our eyeballs in debt. No job I could get would come close to paying for day care and felt stuck. I did not drink around the kids, so every minute was spent devising ways to get away so I could drink. The more I drank the worse I felt, the worse I felt the more I drank. Time was beginning to blur. Three years ago I reached out to God, and we joined a church. Things seemingly got better for a time, our large family was received with open arms. I became very involved, and after two years and was named Jr. Warden. I started back into school. I did well at both for a short time. I never quit drinking.
I tend to ramble so I'm going to stop here. I know I'm an alcoholic, and I'm scared. Part of me feels like my life is crumbling around me, but part feels like something cool could be happening. I have a meeting at 11:30 today, and if you are so inclined please pray for me and my family. Thanks for letting me bend your ears.
Hey Dadx5, welcome. Thanks for sharing this with us. Really glad to hear that you've got a meeting at 1130...in fact, given the time zone differences where we are, I bet that that meeting is going on even as I'm typing.
This board is great, some superb support and good sobriety on here, really helpful to those of us in early sobriety. You are very comfortable with your faith, so I'd say that you'll be able to embrace the AA program a lot more readily than some of who have struggled with concepts like God and a Higher Power. B/c in it's that Higher Power that gets and keeps us sober -- left to our devices, we alcoholics have no choice as to whether we drink or not.
Look forward to getting to know you on here and my prayers are with you and your family.
Welcome DADX5! Thank you for helping keep us sober by sharing your experience ,strength and hope..Yes I would suggest getting to a meeting,take suggestions find a Higher Power to put your hope,faith and trust in and go to "work".You never have to drink alcohol again,but "Just for Today" you can start the process by showing up .Keep coming back and let us know how its going.You are definitely in my daily office of prayer....
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Dadx5, Welcome! Even if you have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, just try to hand in there. Also, keep going to meetings. There's so much love and support there.
Aloha Dad...this is where the miracle happens and first you gotta go back and then come forward again. That how my journey also started and then I arrived firmly at I am powerless and my life is unmanagable....Actually I took that 1st step bassackward cause I didn't know nothing about being powerless over alcohol as a chemically tolerant drinker. Anyhow...this is your time and this and the meeting rooms of AA are your starting point. It's all humbling and I am grateful for the lesson which defined humble as being teachable. Thank God not all of the machine wasn't reduced to mush.
Get in the meeting...all the way in. Sit down and keep and open mind. Look not for the differences between you and the person who is sharing their journey but for the similarities. The solutions are in the similarities. Present no defense to that which is offered but take what you like and leave the rest maybe for later. Get as much literature as you can and read it all and then get a sponsor or a supportive group of alcoholics to discuss what you are learning and ask for feedback and more experience so that you remain pointed toward success which in AA is spelled S O B R i E T y. Always supress the i when you capitalize it you become your own higher power again. Capitalize the Y such as "can You please help me." The love in this program will never let you do it alone unless you fear it and hide from meetings and your sponsor and then you are left again with i and if you believe you have successfully hidden yourself from even your Higher Power you will drink...again.
How I got here? By pure luck on my part and by perserverence on the part of my HP. My HP wanted me in AA with these people and their recovey. How I got to stay here 31 years later? Continue to allow my self to be led.
Stick around, Stay Humble, Follow the suggestions.
I think we are in the same place with our thinking about quitting. I too feel like my life is crumbling. I have made the choice to quit on April 11th. I am going to be going on vacation tomorrow and will be back home the 10th. I am so serious about this that I had a panic attack thinking about what it is going to be like. I have also felt relieved that the time is finally here. My life will be easier to manage and hopefully I will not worry as much as I do now. Prayers are being sent to you. I get it.
Good luck to you on the 11th Franny, and be safe on your vacation. I have not touched a drop since St. Patty's day. ( When I touched alot). My choice was simple, loose the booze or loose the family. I've been to AA, and my wife and I working one on one with counselor. I'm certainly not qualified to shoot advice out, but please stick with your plan, and don't go it alone. These folks know what they're talking about, most I've come in contact with are living it. Once again good luck, and the peace of the Lord be with you.
