No I didn't drink, thanfully. But yesterday someone asked me if I was really not going to drink anymore. Rather than say definitively that I was not going to drink anymore I instead gave an answer with exceptions.
Such as that before doing any drinking I would make sure I had a plan thought out ahead of time as to how much I would have, etc. I got down on myself afterward for even having thoughts like that. I realize that for me the best thing is to not drink at all and that is what I intend to do.
This was the first time I've had this type of conversation since I stopped drinking so I think for whatever reason I was reluctant to be too forcefull in admiting I was never going to drink again. I feel bad as well because the person I was talking to should probably stop drinking also. I think he would have been open to hearing about what I'm doing in order to stop drinking and I might have been able to help him.
The take away I took from this episode is that I am not yet cured. lol. I'll keep coming back.
-- Edited by Sid on Wednesday 31st of March 2010 05:41:01 PM
What I tell people---and told them from the start is----"I'm not drinking today. I'm confident that if I keep thinking what I'm thinking now and doing what I'm doing now, I won't drink tomorrow, either." I never say never. I've stacked up quite a few days now and it's working for me, so I just stick to the basics and that keeps working. I never say I'll never drink again. I just do the best I can with staying sober for one day. Tomorrow I'll get up and do it again.
Don't let that disappointment with yourself get you down. What's done is done. Just keep looking forward and doing the best you can today not to pick up a drink. That's the best thing you can do.
Thanks for the great reminder Ellen. AGO corrected me on thinking in terms of never drinking again as well. I need to remember I'm not drinking today. One day at a time.
-- Edited by Sid on Wednesday 31st of March 2010 06:48:07 PM
I used to quit forever and it never worked. AA told me to try and not take a drink for twenty four hours and to renew that each day. twenty four hours not drinking was achievable for me forever was not.
When friends asked me about whether I would ever drink again, I told the the truth, I do not know I just know I won't today.
By the way you can restart the twenty four hour clock any time you want to.
Larry, ------------------- "Don't forget that the world record for sobriety is 24 hours"
Thanks for the reply Larry. I don't think I can be reminded enough to just think in terms of 24 hours at a time. I'm getting better at doing that, but am still a work in process.
Yea sobriety is working out pretty well for me. Although for me to go several months without drinking is not atypical. I don't drink all that frequently, however when I do drink too often I drink too much and more than I intended. I often vow not to drink again after that or at least to learn how to control it. I guess I am a bit like a chronic relapser.
This time I realized I have to make my quitting stick. One more night of intending to have just a couple beers could easily end up being one night too many. I also knew I should seek out any and all help I could, so I am greatfull to have found individuals such as yourself, Larry and Ellen and the people and program of AA.
Anyway, I won't get too down on myself. Thanks to the comments here I will be much better prepared next time and hopefully receive a reduced number of lashes.
Sid, One Day At A Time. When asked by non-AA folks if I'll ever drink like normal people, or if I'm "cured" I tell them I don't know, but my plan for the day is to stay sober...whatever it takes.
What I know of Never & Always is that I will Always be an alcoholic and I will Never be "cured". I'm white; always will be. I'm male; always will be. I'm alcoholic; always will be.
I hesitated at first to make this post as I didn't think it was of real significance. But the comments I've gotten back have been greatly helpful. The most important lesson I believe I can take away is to keep it simple. One Day At A Time. I will go to bed tonight thankful to be sober and to have Aquaman protecting me from evil sea villians.
This post is very significant. It's only by interaction with others that we find out where we are truly at with our recovery. I wish I could solve my problems alone. It just doesn't work. Having that talk with that someone might just have given you some insight on an obstacle in your recovery maybe??? The only chance we have to work this program is outside of these rooms, at work, and especially at home. It's not about me anymore.
During the earliest days of sobriety the thought of never drinking again seemed like a huge overwhelming thing. I think it's normal for the brain and the disease to take a person to those thoughts. Sometimes the enormity of all the changes in my life since sobriety gets to me. I feel so different and that's weird and scary. Everything is so much better, but it's like my old self wants to cling to past behaviors and thought patterns. I can plan for my future now, but as far as drinking goes, it's easiest to stick to for today. I have faith in the experiences of other alcoholics, who never drank again by doing some things. I know that if I am willing and open I can add up a lot of 24's. When it feels that I'm just plodding through each day, I go back and remind myself how it was before and I'm immediately grateful for my sobriety and that I have made that my number one priority. I'm alive and happy for today!
It's been really great to see so many newcomers around posting and sharing. I am dealing with some medical stuff personally, so here's a big welcome to anyone I missed.
Sid, my conversations about my drinking took many turns over the years, to "I'm allergic to alcohol" to "I'm not drinking today" to just a plain "No thanks, I don't drink" with no explanation, as time passes it gets easier, not only that, I find I don't have to explain myself to people.
I have a friend of mine, Rich, got sober IDK 25 years ago, tells his story at the time he was a bagger at a supermarket when he got sober and he told everyone who came through his line he was sober, i was rolling when i heard that because it seems we all go through that phase, or just maybe my friends did, since we all got sober pretty young (in our teens and twenties)
Anyhow, something I wanted to say, in case you haven't encountered it yet, is the person who pushes on your sobriety, the person who tells you you didn't seem that bad, or they don't think you are an alcoholic, or they just push you to drink with them, that person isn't your friend, I was bartending some pretty trendy places when I got sober and running with a pretty loose crowd, so I got some "pushback", i have some pretty extensive experience with this
As silly as it sounds, I went to the great Zen master
Dr Suess
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter.
I got a good chance to see who my friends were.
The thing is, this is true both in and out of sobriety, over the last 2 decades I "went out" twice, now when I initially got sober, I lost a lot of people who I thought were my friends but turned out to be drinking buddies, and not friends. The inverse was true, when I drank, some AA'ers avoided me like the plague.
But after I started drinking again, I was out at a night club one night, I was zipperfaced on hallucinogenics, alcohol, and peruvian marching powder, I had been up for a few days with some friends (Lets call them exotic dancing girls to be kind) and was covered in drying body oils and my clothes were sticking to me, so I was pretty uncomfortable, and the last people I wanted to see were from AA, and OMFG there they were, 6 of them commanding a table on the way to the dance floor, so I tried to slither past, and "BigheadDoug" saw me and called me over.
I shuffled over staring at the ground and he said some of the most important words I have ever heard in my life.
He said "Cmere Andrew, and give me a hug. We love you because you are you, not because you were sober, but because you are you, don't you ever forget that, and don't you ever turn away when you see us. We love you."
I ended up getting sober again, and over the years I would see people that had gone out in various stages of disrepair, some living on the streets, some working no end jobs and I always did the same thing. These were good kids, from good families, literally with college educations, attractive, intelligent, good people, now strung out street people from alcohol and drugs.
I made them give me a hug, and I told them we loved them. I gave them the same speech Doug gave me, and I gave them money if they needed it or would take it and offered them a chance to shower. In almost every case they were so ashamed they would cry, and not take me up on my hospitality.
Many of them made it back, and every single one of them told me how important seeing me was, how important that message of unconditional love was. When they came back they made sure they tracked me down and let me know that me saying that let them know AA was still there for them. That we didn't judge them or consider them failures.
So now, all the friends I have, most of them are sober, but even the ones that aren't, they have all stuck by me through the sober times, and the drinking times, even if they had to take some distance while I was researching my bottom, the point is, they are all stuck it out, and they are my friends today. This includes both my sober friends and my non-alcoholic friends.
So the truth is, getting sober is a bit of a litmus test for friendships, some people will avoid you, some you will begin to avoid, and some you will become closer to, but the bottom line is anyone who doesn't support your sobriety isn't a friend, and some people you never considered friends become interested in you because we get more interesting when we get sober.
Dr Suess knows wassup man
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. so don't worry about bungling one conversation man, you gonna bungle a hellova lot more then that in the next few decades, you got plenty of time to practice saying simply "I don't drink" without having to explain yourself
-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 1st of April 2010 03:30:24 AM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
It seems like it should be so simple. lol. Decide not to drink anymore and when someone asks simply say "No thanks". For many of us though I am realizing it takes a change.
I haven't really encountered the situation yet of having to deal with someone who pushes on my sobriety. For the time being I've been more or less avoiding situations were I might encounter that situation. I want to get a good bit of sober time and make the positive changes needed first. I have begun to look at my "friendships" and made some decisions regarding some who I don't feel were ever really friends. Also, through AA and elsewhere I have begun to develop new friendships.
Coming to this forum has been about the best thing I have done for my sobriety so far. Getting daily reinforcement of some of these ideas is really what I need to make them stick. It's repitition I guess. Put these ideas in place and then repeat them one day at a time.
Dr. Suess was a wise man. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter. Those who mind just aren't going to matter to me. Sobriety matters to me as are those who don't mind and are supportive of that. I like the litmust test analogy. And I plan on using getting sober as a litmus test for friendships.
Anyway, I know I'm not drinking today and am greatful for that.
This is a great post. I use to feel like a failure if I had a thought of a drink or a good memory of a party. I have been sober for over 2 years and some times the thought comes to mind that maybe someday. I now know its a normal thought and its what you actually do that is important. Thats what the tools of AA are for. If we never had that doubt we wouldn't need AA at all. right? Its is an overwhelming thought to NEVER drink again! Exspecially in the beginning. I have carved out a new normal so the thought of living a drinking way of life is not in my thoughts on a regular basis. Dont be so hard on yourself. Your trying to work it out in your mind. Just keep thinking it thru!!
It seems like it should be so simple. lol. Decide not to drink anymore and when someone asks simply say "No thanks". For many of us though I am realizing it takes a change.
I haven't really encountered the situation yet of having to deal with someone who pushes on my sobriety. For the time being I've been more or less avoiding situations were I might encounter that situation. I want to get a good bit of sober time and make the positive changes needed first. I have begun to look at my "friendships" and made some decisions regarding some who I don't feel were ever really friends. Also, through AA and elsewhere I have begun to develop new friendships.
Coming to this forum has been about the best thing I have done for my sobriety so far. Getting daily reinforcement of some of these ideas is really what I need to make them stick. It's repitition I guess. Put these ideas in place and then repeat them one day at a time.
Dr. Suess was a wise man. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter. Those who mind just aren't going to matter to me. Sobriety matters to me as are those who don't mind and are supportive of that. I like the litmust test analogy. And I plan on using getting sober as a litmus test for friendships.
Anyway, I know I'm not drinking today and am greatful for that.
Sid,
We have a saying in AA "If you don't want a slip, stay away from slippery places"
I would add "stay away from slippery friends" I used to hang around with friends that drank like I did. When I got sober they saw me as a threat to thier drinking and they tried everything to convince me I was not an alcoholic. Because if I was an alcoholic then they might be. I was the same way prior to coming to AA if a drinking buddy quit I would try to get them back to the bars with me.
Since being in the program I have found a true set of friends who are just the type of friends I was always looking for and never finding in the bars. The type who love me without conditions.
Shortly into AA I found myself in the hospital with liver failure. Guess who came to visit every day and cheer me up. Yep, my new found AA friends were a steady stream into that hospital room. My "Drinking Buddies" not a single one came to visit. They knew I was sober and stayed away like I had the plaque.
Keep coming back, Take good care of Sid.
"We'll love you until you learn to love yourself."
Larry, ----------------------------- "It is easier to stay sober than to get sober."
It seems like it should be so simple. lol. Decide not to drink anymore and when someone asks simply say "No thanks". For many of us though I am realizing it takes a change.
It is that simple.
It's us that complicate things
It does take a change
The program is simple but not easy
A simple program for complicated people
That which you came looking for, you came looking with
No Thanks, I don't drink is sufficient, but the path you take to get there will be your own
-- Edited by AGO on Thursday 1st of April 2010 11:34:16 AM
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I agree with Susie, this has turned into being a great post. I am expecting my first "test" this coming Saturday. I am helping a buddy with some work at his house. He mentioned cooking out and having a couple beers afterward.
I'll decline the beer of course and am confident he won't make any issues. He's not a big drinker and a really good guy. We've drank together before, but never more than a couple beers. A simple no thanks I'm confident will be sufficient, if by the remote chance it isn't then I'll know to keep my distance in the future.
I've already starting thinking of "slippery places and friends" I will be avoiding from now on. As I have also started working to develop new friendships and "sober" activities.
I'm trying to take care of Sid and working to at least like myself again. I'm seeing progress and that wouldn't have been possible without all the wonderful support shown by everyone here, the people I've met at AA and a few other individuals.
Just popping in to say welcome to MIP! I have not been here for a couple of weeks, health issues.
But as has been said, we just do this always Just one day at a time, no matter the time we are here.
I've been in the Program for a while, and have the "Not drinking drinking today" or whatever comes to mind, it does get very easy.
About two years ago I had a woman come over to my house that was someone that was becoming a friend, so I thought. Well she brought in a bottle of Vodka, and a drink already for herself (my thinking then, well no friendship here is goin be budding), smiling on the inside too. and she really started the grilling....What? you never drink, like there was something wrong with me. Well I fell for the bait, I suppose, and said no, I am a recovering Alcoholic, and guess what, she never called or came by again.....now I am smiling a big smile, cause I was thinking then, well that sure separated the boys from the men! haha. I am a woman, but they dont have a saying for us....
Anyway, happy you are here with us. Looking forward to your Posts.
Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 1st of April 2010 08:43:08 PM
Thanks for the welcome and popping in. Appreciate you sharing your story as well. Guess I'll find out who of my current friends are true friends as I begin declining to drink. I think that is a good thing, because I'm sorry to have considered anyone a friend who wouldn't be supportive of my decision to quit drinking.
Eh Sid, we can tie ourselves in knots. The fun starts when you start watching people.
I went to a charity curry night and took one of my AA friends along. So we were the only people not drinking any alcohol (most of the others weren't getting wasted, just having the odd beer or wine, apart from one guy).
No-one batted an eye that my friends wasn't drinking, they just assumed that she was going to be driving. But me - wow, you'd a thought I'd shot bambi!
So I play games for a bit, no I'm not drinking - I'm in training for a marathon, or I'm having an alcohol free day, or I'm off the beer for health reasons (all true if you think about it).
But there's always one guy who pushes and pushes. Either I ignore them, get out of their company, or if I feel it's right I break my anonymity. (I wouldn't do this if I was in copany with anyone else, as anyone with me would be tarred with the same brush by implication). My friend and I had discussed this and I said I wouldn't be breaking my anonymity and neither would she, because of the implication of the other. Then we decided that actually if the time was right then we could.
Anyway, the pushy guy kept pushing and it was difficult to get out of his company and I didn't think either of us would benefit from a disclosure when the guy who organised the dinner ( a long time friend and ex colleague of mine) drifted by the table and quietly said to my mate, 'so, where did you meet Bill?' Now, she's profoundly deaf and in her left ear and didn't hear the question. My mate is profoundly deaf in his right ear so wouldn't have heard the answer anyway. So then my mate bellowed in my ear - 'Did you meet her at your fellowship then?'
Thanks mate - what do I say? - no, no, we're just pals, to which the lass turns and says, 'of course that's where we met - do you think I go trawling the nightclubs to pick up younger men?'. My mates response was 'well if you did you'd have got a better one than Bill.'
All passed off OK, but interestingly Mr. Pushy just stopped pushing and looked at me with something of a knowing glint in his eye. I much later found out that his Pa was one of us.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Talking with my sponsor today, he said that he used the following example at a chair the other night.
Let's just say that you never drink Coca-cola. You're out somewhere and a guy offers you a Coca-cola. You say, "no thanks". Guy keep insisting. You say you don't drink Coca-cola. Guy keeps insisting, won't take no for an answer. He really wants you to drink Coca-cola. That guy would be crazy, right? You wouldn't really care what he thought. You'd also probably prefer not to be anywhere near someone who was that fanatical about Coca-Cola.
I like your example SteveP, thanks for sharing. Actually my last drunk came about under similar circumstances. I was with a few "friends" who weren't satisfied with "no thanks" for an answer. I can only blame myself of course, but I don't anticipate having much social interaction with them in the future.
