Man my sponsor kicked my ass today about sobriety. Thank GOD for him. I am still fragile at 10 days and scared off my butt. I am still hanging in the there everyone. Please pray for me.
Good sponsors sometimes do "Kick your Ass". Keep hanging in there.
I sobered up while in the US Navy and I had a rough and tough Chief Bosun Mate as a sponsor. If I happened to miss my home group meeting my phone would ring and I would hear the following:
"If you don't want to stay sober then stay the hell away from me"
He would hang up on me before I could say anything. Then I would have to call him back, even though I did not want to but I wanted to stay sober more than my reluctance to call him.
He would not refer to it again and we would go forward in my recovery. Looking back it was exactly what I needed and when I needed it.
Larry, ------------------ "A recovering alcoholic without a sponsor is much like leaving Dracula in charge of the blood bank."
I pray for us all, everyday, and am thankful for each and every person in AA.
I chose my sponsor for three reasons; 1) He's smart, humble, tough and compassionate. 2) We're in the same line of work. He was a radio sales guy (like me) when he sobered up 30 years ago...now he's an owner of a few stations. 3) His stations are all my station's direct competitors and I'd heard that he was a merciless bastard to work for.
Since I got out of the service years ago my standard response to any douche-bag who gave me crap was "hey, I've taken much worse crap off much better men than him."
Until I met my sponsor. I respect him...I fear being rejected by him...I love him...and he loves me...he's kinda like a Dad.
You know the difference between a terrorist and a sponsor? A terrorist is willing to negotiate with you.
My .02? Sobriety in AA is a lot like basic military training...someone has to break us a little and then guide us to rebuild ourselves.
Stick with it. It gets better. We should be scared; this addiction can kill us in one drunk.
I was listening to some speaker's tapes yesterday and I heard something on one of them that I heard when I first got sober but hadn't heard in awhile. The guy said, "Your sponsor isn't your best friend. He's not your mom or your dad or your banker or your loan officer or your babysitter. And he's damn sure not your bail bondsman. He's your sponsor. He (or she if you're a woman) is there to share his experience, strength and hope with you so you can stay sober." God bless sponsors!
I think sometimes that speakers, in jest, talk about the rough, tough sponsors who sound like they don't have a heart and it might be funny to people who have been around awhile because they understand. It can scare some of the newcomers into thinking they don't want a sponsor, though. The thing is, though, that sponsors are able to give what's known as "tough love". It might seem cruel to you when you're first sober, but if you achieve lasting sobriety, you eventually come to understand it as what it is. It's real love, not the loving you literally to death that enablers do. If we hang with enablers, we're going to die. If we get with a tough love sponsor, we're going to live. Sponsors are probably the most truly loving people on earth.
-- Edited by Ellen E on Wednesday 31st of March 2010 10:00:31 PM
I'm having a hard time figuring out who I'm gonna ask. Is it best that I ask someone in my home group? It's not my homegroup yet but on Friday night it will be. I know I shouldn't delay much longer.
OR I guess I could ask God to show me who to ask! DUH.
M
__________________
"I answer to two people, myself and God... and I don't give a s#*% what anyone else thinks of me."-- Cher
I'm having a hard time figuring out who I'm gonna ask. Is it best that I ask someone in my home group? It's not my homegroup yet but on Friday night it will be. I know I shouldn't delay much longer.
OR I guess I could ask God to show me who to ask! DUH.
M
Well, just in case you are like me when I was new: Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.
I thought I would show you what Larry wrote, it's pretty comprehensive:
Larry_H wrote:
Get to the meeting early and leave late. Talk to everyone before the meeting and again after the meeting. I found some of my best AA before and after meetings.
Sponsor.
#1 And very very important get a sponsor who is the same sex as you. Men sponsor men and women sponsor women.
#2 Look for some one who has what you want. Sobriety, joyous and happy what ever it is you are looking for in your life.
#3 Interview a prospective sponsor. Ask have they worked all of the stepswith a sponsor? Ask how long have they been sober. Ask how many sponsees they have. Some times we take on too many newcomers and our effectiveness is not as good. (AGO add, ask how many sponsees they have had complete the steps)
#4 Ask how many and which meetings they attend. A visitor who leaves won't do you much good.
#5 Ask are they willing to be your sponsor. Do not take a no answer personally. Their are many reasons a prospective sponsor may say no. Start at step #1 above again. You will find one.
#6 Sometimes we pick the wrong person. It is OK to fire your sponsor. Your sobriety must come first. Just be sure and get another sponsor right away. We do a lousy job on our own.
Good luck,
Let us know how things turn out.
Larry, ----------------------------------- "A recovering alcoholic without a sponsor is much like leaving Dracula in charge of the blood bank."
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
My sponsor looks like a tough B. I have found her to be the most loving kind thoughtful person I have everknown, as long as I do everything she suggests! Which I do, for one, because she's been sober 35 years! I didn't know much about her and thank god I didn't judge based on some silly superficial notions regarding appearance. She does know a lot about sobriety, and I saw that. What was clear from the beginning was that she had a solid foundation in the message and was straight and thorough regarding the literature. She also seemed happy and peaceful. I was impressed with her commitment to AA. I'm so glad I accepted those requirements in a sponsor and reached out. It has made all the difference for me.
