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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> ONE DAY AT A TIME
Post Info TOPIC: ONE DAY AT A TIME
Avril G


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ONE DAY AT A TIME
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Hell, if you ever thought you were pretty good at living in the day, just read this email which is from my eldest nephew, Karl, who is the sweetest person you could ever wish to meet, and at best, he's looking at living to the age of 35 - he is now 31, and has two young kiddies, and has a wedding planned for this September.  He was diagnosed 3 years ago with this condition.

As many of you will already know my latest MRI Scan results in Janaury showed a possible change in my brain tumor activity which meant I had to have a brain biopsy and a few days in hospital following this just over a week ago, the results from that biopsy were discussed with my surgeon yesterday afternoon and to be perfectly honest were not good.
 
Basically my brain tumor which has previously been classed as Grade 2 (Low Grade) Glioma is now a Grade 3 (High Grade) Astrocytoma which means it has become more active / potent and a greater risk to my life, if you want to read up on Grade 3 Astrocytomas please follow this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astrocytoma, again this is your personal choice and I have no preference for what you choose to read I am merely giving you the chance to be as informed as you would like to be.
So the standard procedure would be for me to have a lengthy (approx. 3 hour) opeartion to try and remove approximately 50% of the tumor mass, for half of the operation I would have to be awake and due to the location of the tumor I would be at great risk of having speech, sight and movement defects associated with my whole right hand side following the surgery and these risks would only gain me approximately an extra 12 months life span and all things considered I have rejected any form of surgery outright as my kids are my main consideration and there is no way on earth I am going to put them through any more shit than they are going to have to deal with anyway just to gain myself a pitiful year stuck in bed or a wheelchair for them to stare at, that's not who I am and that's not what their going to see, maybe I'm being nieve, maybe I'm brave, maybe I'm running scared but one thing is for certain the time I have left with my family is precious and the fitter I am the better I can make their lives and at this moment in time nothing else even comes close to the looks on my kids faces and the anguish I feel for them already knowing what they are going to have to live with and it's my job to take that away from them as much as possible and I'm damn sure going to do that.
 
So my choice is radiotherapy possibly along with some form of chemotherapy too, I have a meeting next week regarding the treatment and will keep anyone who wishes to be as informed as possible, with this treatment the rough early estimate from my own research, the length of time I've had the tumor at Grade 2 and the discussion with the surgeon is I've got around 2 years left, if I'm lucky and the treatment goes well hey maybe I'll make 35, if it dosen't then so be it.
 
All I ask from each and everyone of you is that against all your better judgement to cry, frown, fall to pieces around us etc. please do the total opposite, I don't want sympathy or pity, I need positivity, smiles, a normal day to day life, yeah the odd hug or two on what are going to be some dark days but the less that changes the better really.
 
What you have to remember is that I'm finishing this e-mail as the same man I was when I started writing it, the only difference is I have the luxury of a time span to work to and have every opportunity to use it to my full advantage, just think if someone said to you here you go 2 years to do as you wish would you throw it in their face or snatch it and have a hell of a good time.
 
I've made my choice and I'm hoping that each and everyone of you is coming along for the ride because it wouldn't be the same if ya didn't.

We have all wept buckets on hearing this shite news, have swore a lot, and asked WHY???  And then this wonderful guy sends this email, a lad who has never caused anyone a moments trouble in his life, and this has just flattened all of us.  He knows about my alcoholism, in fact I once gave a talk to his year when he was at school, and he so proudly told all his class mates that I was his Auntie Av.  His dad was pall bearer for my cousin who drank herself to death at Christmas, and being such a close family, a lot of us are gutted right now, but how can you NOT try to live One Day At A Time on reading this?

I have no real idea as to whether prayer DOES work, but what the hell, I'm gonna keep on doing it, cos if there is any justice in this world, this guy deserves to outlive everyone.  He has a long harduous journey to go, so anyone who prays, please add Karl Martin on to your list.

-- Edited by Avril G on Saturday 20th of March 2010 05:12:22 PM

-- Edited by Avril G on Saturday 20th of March 2010 05:13:32 PM

-- Edited by Avril G on Saturday 20th of March 2010 05:14:50 PM

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Just Toni


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Hi Avril,

Just said a Prayer for Karl, and you as well.

Words are eluding me, just thank you for Posting this.

A Big hug,

Toni



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Tessa


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Oh, Avril. I am so sorry to hear of your nephews illness. But, I can understand why he chooses not to have the surgery. ((((Avril))))

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             God grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
                               Rheinhold Niebuhr
Larry_H


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Avril,

  If you ever see any one on thier pity pot and feeling sorry for themselve, show them your letter.   If that doesn't wake them up they are hopeless.

  I pray and I will for Karl and his family.

Larry,
-------------------------------
Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.

St. Francis de Sales



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LastOneLeft


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Sending Prayers yur way...

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SteveP


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So sorry to hear about this Avril. This can only serve to reinforce our own sense of gratitude for what we've got and how all we have is ODAT.

Steve

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Just Toni


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Hi again Avril,

Yesterday, left me speechless, tragedy's are so hard on everyone and was thinking that today I do have a word that came to mind.....

What an incredible young man Karl is, and the word is
COURAGE....

Hugs, Toni

There is a book that comes to mind, that is full of life dishing out horrific stuff to good people, the  Title is "When Bad things happen to Good People"  A very uplifting book, and of course very Spiritual.....



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Avril G


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Thanx everyone, oddly enough my son-in-law, (also called Carl, but spelt differently) who has taken Karl's illness very badly has seen the email and he is looking at it differently, as he said, 'Well, it's the hardest thing I'll probably ever have to do, but if that's what he wants, that's what we're going to do.

Yes, Toni - COURAGE is the appropriate word - to change the things I can, Karl took his partner and kids to the seaside yesterday and had a great time. He's a star.

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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want

Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS

*SOBRIETY ROCKS*
Mike B.


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Avril,
Prayers sent for Karl, you and family.  What a courageous young man.  Very inspiring story.

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Avril G


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This guy posted on facebook yesterday about how much he had enjoyed his seaside trip with his 2 kids, but with hindsight, he thinks maybe he did a bit too much considering he had brain surgery 10 days ago!! He was ready for a good nights sleep.

He is making plans for every eventuality, selling their house, downsizing so that it will be easier for his partner, Lauren to cope with when he's no longer here, and he has also told Lauren that HER life must go on, and if she meets someone else later on in life, she can and should be happy again, which is probably not something that Lauren wants to contemplate right now, but I have told both of them that I met JC, my partner, within a month of him burying his wife who died from terminal cancer aged 43.

We feared what reaction we would get, but mostly people were happy for us, including his 2 sons, his mother in law and sister in law, and all our close friends. We did get some flak from one couple, but they weren't close enough to us to matter, and we have been together for 10 years now, and still 'on honeymoon'

Ironically, his partner Lauren's brother lost his wife to cancer in her early twenties!! It's good that Lauren has him to support her through this, but the more I think about it, and Karl's attitude, I reckon we will still have him around for a good few years yet.


__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want

Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS

*SOBRIETY ROCKS*
Avril G


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I spent the day with Karl and Lauren on Saturday at my youngest grandaughters birthday party, and saw their new baby, Alfie Jack for the first time, and I just couldn't believe the total likeness - he is our Karls 'mini me' allright!! 

Had a long conversation with both Karl and his partner Lauren, and a group of us are going to their house Sunday, as they are tidying the place up with a lick of paint, and tidying the garden as they are putting it up for sale.  Lauren told me, 'Karl asked if I wanted to sell the house now while he was here, or wait till after he's gone, but I'd rather do it now, so that he will know I will be OK when his time comes'

HOLY SHIT - this young lass is aged 24 and with 2 tiny kids, and talking about the prospect of being widowed as if it happens every day.  Our Karl also told me all about the treatment he will be starting in a couple of weeks, but says he's not banking on much more than 2 years, but if he goes beyond that it'll be a bonus.  He said '35 would be nice, but I'm not banking on it'

How I managed not to break down and cry all over him I do not know.  HE is the one keeping US positive, though we all ended up crying once he had left, he is such a positive guy, and if prayers and strong attitude can extend a life, this guy should live to be 70 years old!!!

We have another couple of big family celebrations coming up before their wedding in September, and it is so difficult not to feel devastated about whats happening, the only thing keeping us going is HIS attitude, bless him, he's amazing.

There's a lot to be said about 'LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME'

__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want

Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS

*SOBRIETY ROCKS*
Larry_H


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1008
Date:
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Thanks, for the update Avril,

I am keeping Karl and his family in my prayers.

In my early sobriety a member of our home group was hospitalized with terminal cancer.   We took the meeting to him in the hospital and one of the newer members
asked. Ed does this make you want to drink.  

As a newcomer at the time, his answer was burned into my memory.   This guy who was dying and knew it said "HELL NO THEN I WOULD HAVE REAL PROBLEMS"

Made a huge and lasting impression on me.

Larry,
----------------------
Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.

St. Francis de Sales



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Mike B.


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Avril,
Thank you for the update.  And we think we have problems??  What a courageous young man.  What a gift and a power of example god put into your life.  Sounds like god made a little Karl to carry on his faith, inspiration and positive attitude.  It's contagious just reading it, I can't imagine what it must feel like to actually be around him.  Amazing!

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